So you’re out walking at a park one morning, and you notice a beautiful girl sitting alone on a bench. She’s looking at her phone, and seems free for at least the next three minutes. It’s the perfect opportunity to ask her out, but what do you do? What do you say?
As someone who’s been in this situation plenty of times, here’s my advice for you.
If you’re going to ask her out, be bold.
Don’t hesitate. Don’t shuffle your feet. Don’t swallow your voice. If you’re going to do it, then just fucking do it. Don’t let it fester in your mind and cripple you.
The reason for that is, once you overthink it, it’ll show in your body language. You’re going to hesitate and look like a stalker.
Imagine being the girl, seeing the guy pace back and forth, staring at you, walking up to you, walking back, and then walking up to you again. You’d think he was building up the courage to murder you.
No. Talking to a girl really is one of those do-or-die situations. If you can’t bring yourself to do it, forget it and move on. If you hesitate, not only will you get rejected, but you’ll freak her out too.
One time, I decided to ask a random girl sitting at the next table at a mamak restaurant out. I was so nervous, my voice cracked and I screwed up what I planned to say. She read off my body language and got so nervous herself, she didn’t know how to say no either.
It was a super awkward minute before her friend thankfully saved us both by saying “Actually, I’m dating her,” (he was not).
So yes. If you’re going to do it, be confident. Not saying you can’t be nervous, but make sure you have a good grip on yourself. Project an air of I-got-my-shit-together. It serves to calm the girls down, and puts you at a higher chance of scoring a date.
Be mindful of her surroundings. Don’t ask her out when she’s busy!
Is she jogging or at the gym? Is she out with a bunch of friends? Is she already on a date? Does she generally have an air of I’m-busy-so-please-leave-me-alone?
If she is, drop it. Don’t ask her out.
You know how it feels to be in a rush and some credit card guy walks alongside you trying to get you to sign with their services? Yeah, don’t be that guy.
The fact is, you’re not always going to have an opportunity to talk to women, even if they are the girl of your dreams. It’s just not the right time. Yeah, it sucks, but I guarantee you it sucks a lot less compared to bothering her while she’s busy.
One time, I tried asking a girl who was out drinking with her friends in Changkat. I didn’t just get a ‘no’ – it was a collective ‘no’ from the group. They banded together and listed out reasons why we couldn’t date.
Her: Sorry, I don’t think I’m interested.
Girl 1: She’s drunk right now.
Girl 2: She’s leaving for UK next month.
It sucked, but in retrospect, I shouldn’t have bothered her while she was out with her friends.
Be considerate. Don’t bother people who don’t want to be bothered.
On that note,
Don’t approach her from behind.
So when you approach her and she turns around and sees a guy in her face, what do you think is going to happen?
In my case, she actually screamed. Of course, I tried my best to reassure her, and she recovered after the initial shock, but the damage was done. She said no.
When going up to a woman, do it as gently as possible. Smile and let her see you, so she knows you’re not a threat. Remember, it’s your responsibility to make her feel safe and comfortable. You’ll have a much higher chance of asking her out if she’s not afraid of you.
Another thing – when asking someone random out, please for the love of God,
Don’t linger. Ask her out, and then leave politely.
Every time you ask someone out, just get her contact, and leave. Ask her out later. Don’t try to have the date there and then.
I guarantee you, no one is ever just prepared to spend a spontaneous couple of hours with a stranger. We’ve all got shit to do.
For me, when I approach someone, I always preface it with “Sorry, I’m actually on my way out, so I can’t stay – but I just thought you were attractive and I’d love to ask you out sometime.”
I say that even if I’m not doing anything that day.
The reason for this is because as soon as there’s a stranger in your face, the first thing you’re wondering is “How long is he going to stay?” Knowing you won’t be there for more than a couple of minutes makes women feel much more comfortable.
Go in, pop the question, and get her number (if she says yes). Then LEAVE. Don’t linger. Don’t ask questions. Ask her out again when she’s more comfortable.
So now, you’re confident, and you see a girl who seems like she has a few minutes to chat. You’re walking up to her from the front, and you open with the fact that you have to run in a bit to catch a movie – things should go your way right?
Nope. Always be ready to,
Take rejection at the slightest hint.
Unfortunately, the bitter truth is, it’s not easy talking to strangers in Malaysia. We just don’t like people we don’t know coming up to us.
I’ve asked plenty of random women out, and though there have been some good experiences, most of the time it’s a no-go.
The best thing we can do as men is to make them feel comfortable rejecting us. Take anything that’s not a yes as a negative. It’s not important why she said no (and don’t make the mistake of trying to work around her excuse) – most of the time it’s just them being nice.
Just accept it, and move on. Sure, rejection is a little embarrassing, but to be honest, I can’t remember a time I’ve regretted asking someone out, even if the answer was no.
One time, a girl rejected me and I moved on without a fuss. A couple of minutes later, she comes back and gives me her number. She was impressed with how well I handled rejection, and thought I deserved a chance. We went out later that week.
So, be confident, be considerate, and most of all, make her feel comfortable. You’ll be pleasantly surprised with the response.
So there you have it, five mistakes you shouldn’t make when asking a woman out in Malaysia. Good luck guys!
For more articles on dating, read Dating Older Guys Were Great – Until These Realities Hit Me, and Worst Dates Series: The One Where She Made Me Wait an Hour.