This is a story of a woman who married a man she deems lazy, and she shares how this affected her life and changed it forever.
I met my ex-husband back in university, when we were both first years. We were studying Mass Comm at SEGI University. We were in a group of friends and we started dating each other in the second year of uni. We were the same age, but he was always the playful one, and me the studious one. I would give him extra tutoring, I would help him with assignments and basically watch over him to make sure he graduated. Since I was a kid I had been pretty self driven. I grew up the eldest of 6 siblings and had to always look out for them. I knew going into uni would mean I could help my family situation so I was always working, first part time while studying then immediately after I graduated, I worked full time at the place I was interning at. It was a national media company and I was paid well for a fresh graduate.
He did not apply for any internships, and struggled to get a job after graduating. He did some freelance copyrighting but it wasn’t enough to support himself. At the same time, we also wanted to get married. Being Malay Muslim, it’s not in our culture to live with your boyfriend, and getting married was important for us. Traditionally the husband would support the wife, but since I was earning more, I was okay with supporting us. I saw it as our money. I knew once I have kids, I would probably take a few years off work to raise them.
It was easy enough to get married, both our families agreed. My parents did raise the issue that he was not working a good job, but I assured them it was only temporary and that we were okay for now with my salary. In time, he would find a good job. Boy, was I wrong.
He never put in any effort to find a job, or at least it would have many requirements of what he would and would not do. The thing is, I was bringing home a good salary so our lives were very comfortable. He did not feel the need or urgency to get a job. At that moment, I really did not mind providing. I saw it as our money.
By the time we turned 30, six years into our marriage, I really wanted to start a family. I have always wanted kids. I was in a good place at work, where I felt I had achieved a lot, and was ready to experience motherhood. I also did not want to be an old mother, because I wanted the energy to play with my kids. We were already getting so many questions from our relatives by this point, too.
No work, no baby
We always spoke about how I would quit my job when I became a mother, but in order to do that, my husband would need to be able to provide for us. I kept asking him about how this would work and he kept saying he was trying. The problem was, it never looked like he was trying enough and this would drive me up the wall. I would come home from work and there would be dirty dishes in the sink, chores undone, he would be playing video games or watching TV and when I asked what he did today, he would say he applied for jobs or was working on some of his freelance projects, but it also seemed like he was trying to get me to shut up. At some point it felt like I was a mother of a teenage boy and I really didn’t want to give that energy to my husband.
I was also getting more and more frustrated as the years went on, and when I turned 30, I started to get harsher with him. I knew my pregnancy window was closing and I didn’t want to miss out on my opportunity. I also didn’t want to bring a baby into this world with no plan or no income on the line. We started getting into fights, we started arguing, and slowly I think our attraction to each other was also being lost.
Divorced by 42
Let me tell you the reality of being 42, divorced and no kids is extremely depressing. Especially when all of your friends have at least 2 kids. Now you’re the lady that no one knows what to talk about with. I desperately want a child, yet I am too old and unmarried.
Dating at this age is hard. Not to mention that I have no experience dating, because the only man I have ever been with I met when I was in uni. Wanting to start a family as soon as possible because time is running out feels like you’re playing a game with a ticking timer, and once time runs out, you don’t have any chance of having the life you want.
Marrying a lazy man made me miss out on having kids. It hurts me everytime I go out, I see children and I think of the life that could have been for me. I am a mother with no children. Being around family and friends with kids are a constant reminder of what could have been mine if it wasn’t for that lazy man. I come home to an empty house, cook in an empty kitchen, and sleep in an empty bed. He ruined my life and made me hopeless for the future.
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Read also: ‘I gave up my family to pursue my dreams’ Shares 34 YO M’sian woman – In Real Life
https://inreallife.my/i-gave-up-my-family-to-pursue-my-dreams-shares-34-yo-msian-woman/
‘I gave up my family to pursue my dreams’ Shares 34 YO M’sian woman
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