This is a story about a woman who retells the story of how she took out a loan to fund her dream wedding, only for the marriage to end a mere 2 months later.
Ever since I was a young teenage girl, I’ve dreamed of having a beautiful wedding. I always imagined myself in a beautiful white dress, the one that trails behind me. Getting married became a big part of the reason I wanted a relationship. Looking back, I see I was motivated by the wrong things.
I met my ex-husband through a mutual friend at work, and we dated for a year and a half before he proposed to me. He knows my taste and how much I love the finer things in life, so he took me on a beautiful holiday to the Maldives for my birthday and surprised me there with a gorgeous ring that would make all the other girls jealous.
From the moment I got engaged, I started planning the wedding. I wanted the wedding to be the talk of the town, I wanted my fairytale wedding dreams to become a reality, and my ex was not opposed. He wanted to make me happy, I know that and reserved himself from saying anything.
The fairytale starting becoming reality
I found an event planner on social media, who helped organize a Malaysian celebrity’s wedding. She shared her journey of how she comes up with the theme and concept for each couple uniquely – making sure each element of the wedding was curated for the couple – from the canapes served to the cocktail menu right down to the type of flowers, invitations and doorgifts. I truly believed this is what I wanted and nothing could make me happier than having her help me curate my wedding.
Her fee was RM35,000 for the whole project – and she would take care of end-to-end. She would go hunt for all suitable venues, make arrangements with vendors etc. I was convinced I needed her because with my full time job and my part time influencer life, it would be too much for me to manage.
As an influencer and content creator, I knew this wedding would also be an opportunity for me to gain more followers and grow my profile and channels. I used the occasion of planning a wedding to make content on Youtube and Instagram. I also found a make-up artist and hairstylist that were well known in Malaysia for their craft.
The reality started becoming a nightmare
Looking back, I feel like I’m a victim of the wedding industry. I wanted the event to leave an impression for my guests and for my followers. I wanted to be featured in a magazine. I was dreaming big, and perhaps my reality fell short. My parents are from a middle-income household and we grew up in a very modest household. My dad was a taxi driver and my mom a teacher. They worked hard to put me and my siblings to school, and I was the “lucky” one in the family because my looks made me gain virality on social media, bringing in the type of money I had never seen before.
I quickly got used to the lifestyle of the rich and famous, and I loved every second of it. My ex-husband was a hard worker, and he also came from nothing, earning every single cent from his own hard work. It was what attracted me to him.
He had an amount of savings he kept aside for the wedding and he told me right away after we got engaged of how much the budget of the wedding is – RM150,000. It did sound like a lot already, and he was clear, this was the maximum he could provide, as he was saving to buy us another house. I thought RM150k was plenty when we started planning.
During the planning process, my wedding planner would bring me different options of everything – and my job was to choose my favourite. I did, and it seems I have an expensive taste. The venue was the biggest cost – it was a beautiful hall in a hotel, with an indoor garden, costing about RM50,000. Slowly but surely all the other costs started adding up. The flowers, the dress, the entertainment, the MC, the DJ, the photography. I quickly realized I was over budget, and I ran to my husband, hoping to find a solution.
He left all the decisions and planning to me, he was mostly busy with work, and didn’t mind not making the decisions. But when I went to him with my budget issue, reminded me he couldn’t give anymore and that I would probably need to change my concept or pick lower budget services and vendors.
I was stupid, and was adamant to keep my dream wedding a reality, and decided to take out a personal loan for RM150,000. In my eyes, I was figuring out a solution to my problem, without burdening anyone else. Reflecting back, I should have spoken to my fiance before making such a big decision. During that time, he was often busy with work, and I really felt like I didn’t want to add my burden of a big wedding on to him, and instead I would solve it myself.
When he found out, he was furious and we had a huge fight. I only told him a few weeks before the wedding, and that too because he got curious when he asked about the prices of our venue, photographer and event manager and wondered how I covered everything with the money he gave me. I told him “Oh, I took out a loan” and that was pretty much the start of the end of our relationship.
We would fight almost daily about this for the couple of weeks before the wedding, and tensions were high. Too much money had been spent on it to back down from either side, and I was already sharing this journey online, so I did not want to face the reality of it. I apologized multiple times, but looking back I understand how grave a mistake it was. I will always regret that decision because it ended up with me losing a great partner.
Dreamy wedding, Hazy day
When I look back at all the photos, it really did look beautiful visually. The reality of the experience was hazy. I remember that we fought the night before – he told he’s not sure about trusting me, and I begged him to not break up with me, that I regretted my decision and I would change myself. We were also surrounded by so many family and friends in the days before the wedding so we also couldn’t have privacy to have those conversations, and a lot of it was swept under the rug. I was afraid he would leave me, and I don’t think I could have survived that close to the wedding. I don’t remember much from the wedding day itself, I think my brain blocked it out. I remember feeling disassociated. People were telling me what to do, where to be, how to pose – but mentally I kept thinking about how my marriage was crumbling and it had barely even started yet.
No happily ever after
The days and months that followed the wedding were no better, and we were constantly trying to find our way to get past the issue. The worst part about the mistake being a loan, is that it comes knocking on your door every month, reminding you to pay the price for your decision. It was a decision I made that had many compounding effects, and none of them good.
After two months of tension as a married couple, my ex-husband told me wanted to leave this marriage before it got any worse. He said he couldn’t trust me and that the foundation of our relationship is faulty. He said his love for me was barely there, overshadowed by my financial decision that would be over our shoulders for the years to come. He said he wanted to provide and care for me but he couldn’t trust me that my need for attention would sabotage his plans for our future.
It took me a long long time to admit that I was wrong and he was completely right. I am now paying for my mistake. I am 35, unmarried and unhappy with life. I could have had it all, and I blew it just because I wanted to have the fairytale wedding of my dreams, not thinking of the reality I am living in.
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Read also: ‘I gave up my family to pursue my dreams’ Shares 34 YO M’sian woman – In Real Life
https://inreallife.my/i-gave-up-my-family-to-pursue-my-dreams-shares-34-yo-msian-woman/
‘I gave up my family to pursue my dreams’ Shares 34 YO M’sian woman
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