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Although he seemed like a modern man who believed in equal rights for both sexes, his disrespect for women showed up in the most unsuspecting moments.
I will never forget that night. I even remember the date; it was the 24th of September 2011. We had a few drinks at his sister’s place, and he seemed a little drunk. I was slightly tipsy, but I was soon to sober up really fast.
He was driving us home after a party at his sister’s house. At first, he was taking corners really fast and kept saying to me, “Can you do this? No, you can’t, right?”
I was shocked at the harsh, sarcastic tone of his voice. He knew I couldn’t drive. I had gone to a driving school and took the test, but I failed miserably, and I never took the test again. I couldn’t afford to spend more money on classes and the repeated driving tests.
What he said next shocked me even more. He said to me, “You can’t drive because you’re a useless stupid bitch.”
I was mummified. I didn’t know what to say. I had never seen this side of him before. He didn’t stop there and went on insulting me and putting me down. I lost my temper and started shouting back at him. He became even angrier.
By then, we were already on the highway and he was driving like a maniac. He swerved onto cars coming from the opposite direction, swerving back only at the last second.
I was scared, so I just shut up. I didn’t want to say anything that would piss him off even more. He started yelling at me, asking me to talk. When I finally said something, he would ask me to shut up. He seemed to be getting even more pissed off now.
I started to feel helpless. If I didn’t say anything, he got angry, but when I did, it pissed him off too. I couldn’t calm him down, and neither could I get out of a moving car.
Finally, I call his sister and try to explain to her what’s going on. That angered him even more. He punched the windscreen with his fist, and it cracked.
It came to a point where I thought that if I don’t get out of the car, I was going to die. So I yelled at him to stop, let me out of the car. I struggled to open the door, but he kept locking it.
Finally, he stopped and told me to get out. I got out in the middle of nowhere. I had no idea where we were, but I just wanted to get away from him. I started walking really fast away from the car.
I didn’t get very far before he ran back to me and started pulling and dragging me back to his car. He was using all of his force and he was really strong. He was boiling in rage, he had crazy eyes, and his mouth was frothing as if he was possessed. He just snapped and spun out of control.
He was really hurting me, and I started screaming. There were a few men by the side of the road, but they just stared and did nothing. I scratched him, bit him, pushed him and finally loosened his grip on me.
At this point, he suddenly changed his tone. He started begging me to come back to the car with him saying things like, “Don’t you even care about me?” “How can you leave me alone in this state to drive back home alone?” “I might just die, I guess you don’t even care. I might as well kill myself.”
He was manipulating me by making me feel guilty, and it was working. I was worried about him. He wasn’t himself, and he looked like he would probably kill himself in that state. Reluctantly, I followed him back to the car. I thought that maybe he had calm down and come to his senses.
I was wrong. It was just a trick to get me back into the car. As soon as he started driving again, he became the maniac he was before.
As he drove on like a wild man on the loose, he persisted in insulting me and putting me down. He also said things like “women are bloody useless bitches” and so on. I just kept quiet. I just wanted to get home and couldn’t wait for this whole nightmare to be over.
We were not that far from home now, and we were driving by some plant nurseries along the highway. This time, he drove really fast on the opposite side of the road. There was another car, and I really thought that he was going to just smash into it.
He swerved right at the last second. He lost control of the car and drove into a ditch. Now I was really angry, he really almost just killed us. He almost crashed into the plant nursery too, but luckily didn’t destroy anything.
Two people ran out of the nursery to see what had happened. We got out of the car, and we both started apologizing to them. In between, I cursed and swore at him, and he did the same to me. The old couple tried to calm us down and told us not to worry. They managed to lift the car out of the ditch and gave us some tea. They even managed to distract us from fighting by showing us their dogs. My boyfriend loves dogs more than anything else. Playing with the dogs seemed to help him calm down a bit. It helped me too.
I kept thanking the couple, they were so sweet, and I was grateful to them. They told us that they thought we were going to crash into the other car but were glad nothing tragic happened. The car was in a bit of a bad state, but we were unscathed.
I was nearly in tears when we said goodbye to them. I was so touched by their kindness and their help. My boyfriend tried to give them some money many times, but they refused.
We finally get home, but that wasn’t the end of it.
At this point, I’m relieved just to be home alive. All I want to do is sleep. I go into the room and tell him that I’ve had enough, I want to sleep. He refuses to let me sleep, and forces me out of his room. He tells me that the mattress I’m sleeping on is his. His mother gave it to him when we moved into the apartment.
I move to the hall and try to sleep there. As I’m lying there, closing my eyes, hoping to soon wake up from this terrible nightmare, he kicks me.
He kicks me and calls me insulting names. I get up and start fighting back. He pushes me to the floor and starts choking me. After a while, he lets go and starts banging his head against the wall until it bleeds.
I get up and tell him that I’m leaving. I start packing up my things, but he won’t let me leave. We’re pushing and pulling, and I’m struggling to get out of the house. He drags me onto the floor, my already loose toenail rips out.
It was also then that my laptop screen cracked – a laptop I had just received a few weeks ago as a birthday present from my mom.
I’m screaming my lungs out, and I’m trying to get the keys from him, but his grip is too strong, and my palms are too sweaty.
The neighbours must have heard the commotion, and called the police. I ran to the window and told them that I have been trying to get the keys and get out of the house, but he won’t let me. I can’t remember what they said to that – by then, he had dragged back into the room and told me to keep quiet and stop screaming.
He was quite scared now since the police had arrived. I told him I would not say anything if he just let me go, but he refused.
I continued fighting him for the keys, while the police kept yelling outside the door. Finally, I got the keys, ran to the window, and threw the keys to the police. I told them to open the door for me from outside. The minute that door opened, I walked out without saying a word to anyone – the police or the neighbours staring at me.
I walked down the stairs and then went to the playground outside our apartment. I just sat there for a while. I’ve never felt such peace before. The dawn was breaking, and birds flew across the sky above me. It was over. Everything was going to be alright now.
Then, the phone rings.
He’s crying, telling me he’s sorry and asking me to come back up to the apartment. I refuse and hang up the phone.
Then I remember that his head is bleeding, and I start getting worried about him. Will he be ok?
He calls again, and I tell him to come down and meet me at the playground, but he’s suspicious and refuses. He thinks that I’ve reported him to the police I guess. I hadn’t, and I just wanted to see if he was ok. I wanted to tell him that it’s over and that I’m leaving him for good.
After a while, he comes to the playground. His head has stopped bleeding. We talk for a while. He’s crying. I tell him that I’m leaving him. I start walking away, but he grabs me and starts choking me again.
Then, he grabs my glasses and runs off. Now, I can’t see so well, but it’s not going to stop me from taking the first bus out of there. I keep walking. I see his car following me. I take a brick from the side of the road and pretend to hurl it at his car.
He speeds off. I get on the bus, and it leaves. I breathe a sigh of relief.
Still, it’s not over. He steps onto the bus at the next stop. He sits beside me and tries to gently persuade me to come home with tears in his eyes. I ask him to give me back my glasses. He does, and when he realises he can’t do anything, he gets off the bus at the next stop. I’m left alone at last.
Two months later we got back together.
It was mainly because I was lonely and terribly insecure. I believed that nobody would ever love me like he did.
Thankfully, we did finally break up again about a year later. I’m happy to report that I was wrong – I’m now in a loving relationship with someone who understands me and respects me more than he ever did.