Nobody Believed Her
My sister was nine when one of the uncles assaulted her. She told our parents. They did not believe her. The wider kampung response followed the same pattern. It became easier for everyone to treat it as something that did not happen than to deal with what it meant if she was telling the truth.
What changed after that was not just what happened, but how she moved through the house. She stopped sleeping properly, waking up screaming sometimes. Some nights she stayed awake until morning rocking back and forth on the floor. During family events she avoided open spaces and stayed in bathrooms or small rooms until it was over. No one asked why in any serious way.
I was the only one who believed her openly. When I spoke up, my father slapped me so hard, I hit the floor and saw stars. My sister saw it, and asked me to never speak of it again. She was still a child, and she was trying to reduce the damage around her, not add to it. After that, I stopped speaking about it.
The Family Carried on Normally
After that, our household changed in quieter ways. Nobody discussed what had happened directly. Instead, we adapted around it. She was no longer left alone with relatives. She stopped trusting adults in general. Any discomfort she showed was treated as behaviour to correct rather than a response to something real.
The uncle who did it stayed part of family life. He still came to family gatherings, and was welcome at Hari Raya. He sat at the same tables. People continued speaking to him normally.
My sister had to exist in the same spaces as him for years like nothing happened. He would smile because they shared an open secret.
Over time, she became more withdrawn. She avoided conversation during family events. She would sit apart from everyone and leave early whenever possible.
When she was spoken about, it was with labels like “difficult” and “sensitive.” At one point, a relative told her to stop bringing shame into the family over old matters.
I Promised Her
She left after graduating with two suitcases and a backpack. I helped her carry her bags to the bus station, and we both knew this was a goodbye for a very long time. Before leaving, she made me promise that I would not share anything about her life with the family if we stayed in contact. I agreed.
Those first few years, we stayed in touch through email and phone calls. Then I caught my mother snooping through my phone and realised she had managed to get my sister’s number. I nearly lost my sister that day.
We changed numbers and I went low contact with my parents.
The Life She Built
In the years that followed, she rebuilt her life in small, careful steps. My sister found stability in her twenties that she never had growing up. She found love, married and had two children. She raised them with rules so they would always be safe.
Then she got the kind of sick that makes doctors say, “Six months at least, two years at most.” I asked only once: whether she wanted to meet our parents. To say goodbye. She said no. I never brought it up again.
She died six months ago at 44. Her children are nine and twelve. I was with her family when she passed. She’s buried and they will never find her. Penang is as far from Johor as you can get.
I Punish Them
They think that I am still in touch with her and ask me every time we speak, whether she’s alright, happy, when she’s coming home to visit. I usually change the subject. If they push, I hang up because I don’t want the ordeal of dealing with “you should have told us” and “it’s your fault we never got a chance to fix this.”
It’s not just about keeping my promise. It’s about keeping my nephew and niece away from the abuser who is still welcome in their house, and invited to every gathering. I will not endanger my family.
I admit that I am going to use my sister’s death to punish them. I am going to tell them she emigrated, and did not give me a number or email.
Our parents sided with her abuser. Everything after that came from that choice. They can live with uncertainty.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual abuse or family violence, help is available. You don’t have to face it alone.
Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO)
Hotline: 03-7956 3488
All Woman Action Society (AWAM)
Hotline: 016-238 1230
Talian Kasih
Hotline: 15999
Submit your story to ym.efillaerni@olleh and you may be featured on In Real Life Malaysia.
Read also: ‘I gave up my family to pursue my dreams’ Shares 34 YO M’sian woman – In Real Life
https://inreallife.my/i-gave-up-my-family-to-pursue-my-dreams-shares-34-yo-msian-woman/
‘I gave up my family to pursue my dreams’ Shares 34 YO M’sian woman
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