Soul connections are not often found and are worth every bit of fight left in you to keep.”
― Shannon Alder
Once, I thought I’d found my soulmate. He was everything I hoped for in a guy; a male-version of myself. Someone who wasn’t intimidated by who I am and what I do.
I guess he wasn’t my ‘soul connection’, because we didn’t make it till the end.
People often say, in order to see if you and your partner are made for life, then try going on a short holiday together.
I learned this from beauty magazines I used to read. They challenged me to take the test, to see if he was the ‘right’ one for me.
Having completed these trials, I’d like to share my experiences with he-who-I-thought-was-the-one here. As it turned out, it takes more than just living together and going on a short holiday to realise whether you’re meant for each other.
So, I met A on a flight home from the UK. We were seated next to each other. He told me he was an air force pilot, and that he was on the way home from visiting his sister in Glasgow.
We ended up chatting, and sparks flew during the 14-hour flight. How could they not? I mean, after all, he was a pilot (I’ve always had a thing for men in uniform), and a charmer at that too.
And at the risk of sounding shallow, admittedly, his good looks reeled me in too. Naturally, we exchanged phone numbers. He texted me almost instantly that night, wishing me home safely with my family.
We met up the week after for a satay dinner – he remembered I told him about my cravings for satay. And since he was from THE place of satay (Kajang), we had tonnes of it while talking the night away.
He remembered my craving! Guys don’t usually remember details right?
It didn’t take us long to realise that the chemistry was obvious, and that we were deeply attracted to each other.
We were swept away in a whirlwind romance – we got engaged within just six months of dating.
Before that, he had showed me his condo, which was to become our home after the wedding.
Well, that was the plan anyway.
Right after we got engaged, he asked me to (sort of) move in with him.
“Why don’t you just stay at my place, perhaps just during the weekends? Let’s treat this as a trial for us. I mean, we’re going to live together anyway, so why not start now?” he reasoned.
Without thinking, I did. He gave me a set of keys and a wardrobe in the bedroom.
At first, it was exciting. I was exhilarated, deeply in love, and couldn’t wait for weekends to arrive. I’d travel to his place from down south where I was based at the time, and he’d be there waiting. Those were the weekends to remember.
But as I mentioned – it was just the beginning.
They say you never truly know a person until you live together – and that rang true.
He had all the qualities girls dreamt of in a guy – he was organised, tidy, coordinated, a clean freak, meticulous, and so forth. Everything I wished my future husband would be.
The irony was, I somehow found that a turn-off, rather than a plus point.
For one thing, it was annoying how he’d scrutinise everything I did and tell me it wasn’t up to his ‘standards’.
Things like not using the coaster, not hanging the clothes according to how he did them, not setting the table properly (complete with napkins and all cutleries), not making the bed perfectly, and so on and so forth.
He even labelled all the food items in the kitchen cabinet.
Suffice to say, he wasn’t amused when I swapped the sugar and salt containers for a prank. I guess our sense of humour wasn’t as compatible as I thought.
To salvage the situation, we decided to go for a short getaway, just to clear our minds off the wedding preparations. And of course, to soften the blow of him drinking salty coffee.
After all, we were going to live together, so we needed to iron things out before that, right?
It was a long drive to Penang, but a great one. We had karaoke sessions in the car, sang our hearts out, stopped for photos, visited all the makan places, acted silly – we had the best of times!
Well, discounting the fact that he didn’t like me sleeping with the lights off (he was afraid of the dark), and me prohibiting him from eating and drinking in the car, that is.
We went on a few more short trips after that, and (except for minor pet peeves) all of them were awesome.
That should be an indicator that we were meant to be together right?
We were incompatible. We tried the ‘live-in’ and ‘short getaway’ challenges, but things just fell apart. There were plenty of arguments and shouting matches in between.
Every time we argued, I’d seek solace with his sister, who fed with me stories of ex-girlfriends and how he was with them.
There were apparently many exes, and we both concluded that he had ‘White Knight Syndrome’.
Yes, I looked it up online. It’s ‘someone who feels compelled to ‘rescue’ people in intimate relationships, often at the expense of their own needs’.
Now, I’d tell you more about this in the next piece. But basically, he was seeking to ‘save’ me from something.
But since I was fiercely independent, came from a good family, had no criminal history, no crazy exes, had a great job… there was really nothing I needed ‘saving’ from.
I guess that was the ‘missing factor’ in our relationship. He simply couldn’t be the hero.
Things went sour after a while. Our relationship turned stale. Stay-in weekends became stagnant, short trips became boring, and the spark just fizzled off.
We broke up after being engaged for five months.
We didn’t part on bad terms though. Things just went quiet, and the whole thing just… died.
I guess those weekend stay-ins and short getaways didn’t help our relationship much. I did learn a valuable lesson though – never trust or follow those relationship tips from magazines ever again.
For more articles like these, read Dating Older Guys Were Great – Until These Realities Hit Me and 4 Practical Tips for Planning a First Date in Malaysia.