I wouldn’t have known about the ‘Bro Code’ if it wasn’t for Barney-LEGENDARY-Stinson from the TV series, How I Met Your Mother.
A quick search on Wikipedia defines it as “A friendship etiquette to be followed among men or, more specifically, among members of the bro subculture”.
I should’ve done my homework on the Bro Code before I got involved with two ‘bros’ who stuck by it to a T.
I first met Rick when he came over to a mutual friend’s house. Immediately sparks flew between us. We hit it off, and the PDA was obvious to everyone. Eventually we flirted and exchanged numbers.
He texted me later that night, saying he enjoyed meeting me and made plans to meet up the next time he comes over. None of us said anything, but our mutual friend Jamie said he was really into me, and that he needed a ‘cold shower’ after meeting me.
So, I took it as a sign that he fancied me. I mean, wouldn’t you?
But then, over the next few weeks, there were no texts or calls. And though I kept wondering about it, I didn’t do anything.
One day, someone broke into the back door of the office and stole my bag while I was at work. I didn’t have the keys to my apartment, so I went to Jamie’s house while waiting for the landlord.
While I was there, I met Gavin, a friend of Jamie’s who was visiting for the weekend. But I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone as I was still shaken about the break-in, so I just fell asleep on the sofa.
I woke up to find Gavin in the house, keeping me company while the others went to dinner.
We stayed up late just chatting, and that was when I found out that Jamie, him, and Rick are ALL childhood friends.
TOO FAST, TOO SOON
Gavin went back to his hometown and was constantly texting and calling me, booking tickets to come see me. In just under 2 months, he confessed that he liked me, declared that we were ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’, and wanted me to come over to his place to meet his parents!
I was stunned. I liked the guy, but the thought of meeting his parents after just 2 months was a bit too much. I should’ve said something when he just declared that we were a couple. I shouldn’t have agreed to be his girlfriend.
Gavin was a great and sweet guy, and any other girl would’ve been thrilled to be in a relationship with him – unfortunately I just wasn’t that girl.
Instead, I just kept quiet, especially after he spoke of his life back in his hometown, which included growing up with Rick.
Before I knew it, I was on the train to his place.
Throughout all this, all I really wanted to do was to see Rick again!
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
Gavin was elated upon my arrival, and told me about his plans of taking me around town to meet all of his friends and relatives. This included Rick as well.
I knew it was wrong, but I called Rick while Gavin was at work to arrange for a meet-up. He knew I was coming, since Gavin wouldn’t stop talking about me every chance he got.
We met up at this café, and both of us realised that the sparks were still there.
Unfortunately, he said he didn’t act on his feelings soon enough. He said Gavin was already raving about me, so he thought, well – the best man won.
At that moment, all I wanted was to be with Rick and didn’t care about anything else. We were so caught up in our emotions that I ended up spending the night at Rick’s.
I ignored all of Gavin’s phone calls and texts, the bitch that I was.
The next morning, Rick dropped the bomb saying it was all a big mistake – that he shouldn’t have done what he did, as I was Gavin’s girlfriend.
He would never break the ‘Bro Code’ he said; he’d never take his best friend’s girl.
Even if one day things didn’t work out between him and I.
I was gutted. I guess that serves me right… right?
Ashamed, humiliated and feeling dejected, I went back to Gavin’s place and told him everything that happened the night before. Of course, he was pissed off (no surprise there), as he thought everything was going smooth between us and he was already imagining a future with me.
At that point, I voiced out my real feelings towards him – something that I should’ve done before.
Yes, I liked him, I said. But I didn’t fancy him or was even attracted to him. I told him I thought of him as a great friend, but everything moved too fast, etc… but I didn’t think he was even listening to me at that point.
Clearly upset, he told me to get on the next train home.
I tried contacting Gavin to apologise as I felt really bad, but he blocked my number.
I did the same with Rick as I thought we could still have a chance, but he wouldn’t have it either.
LESSONS FOR LIFE
Like I said, I should’ve come clean to Gavin in the beginning, not letting him to think that I fancied him as well. I could’ve avoided the whole disaster if only I had admitted that things were going way too fast for us. I should’ve asked him to give me some time and space to think about going exclusive and meeting his parents. Who knows, my feelings for him would change over time, right?
But instead, I kept quiet and went along with whatever he said. Always, always voice out what and how you feel towards somebody and don’t wait too long.
Same goes for how I felt towards Rick as well. If only I had put my ego aside and just called him after we met, perhaps things could’ve been different between us. Well, there’s no use crying over spilled milk, is there?
You might not agree and call me defensive, but I didn’t think I was cheating on Gavin. After all, I’ve never actually ‘agreed’ to be his girlfriend. It was just something I went along with – just so I could meet Rick again.
I knew my plan backfired, and that I deserved what I got being ‘dumped’ by Rick (and Gavin). But as humiliating as it was, at least I did find out that I wasn’t alone in fancying Rick – just that it was bad timing and judgment.
No doubt, I had lost to one of the terms in the Bro Code – never mess with guys and their loyalty to friends ever again.
But I’ve also learned to always be honest, upfront, and think about the dire consequences of my (in)actions to others.
And those are the things I’ve carried on doing in all my future relationships.
For more articles by Nazmie, read 5 Mistakes I Made When I Told My Best Friend That Her Husband Was Cheating on Her, and I Had a ‘Friend with Benefits’, Which Went Completely Wrong. Here’s What Happened.