As someone who is currently in a relationship, I sometimes hear a lot of complaints statements by my single friends on how tough it is finding that special someone.
“Kim, you’re so lucky to be in a relationship.”
“Why don’t guys want me?”
“Gosh its so hard to find someone decent”
“I think I’m meant to be single, maybe relationships are not for me”
If you’re single, and you’re out there asking these questions, you’re not alone. Not too long ago, I was asking the same questions myself. I thought that there was something wrong with me, and maybe I’m just not attractive enough for guys.
It was even more frustrating when I was asked by friends and family if I have a boyfriend, and having to face their look of pity when I say no.
But listening to my single friends did get me thinking – why is this a problem though? Is society that adverse to being single? I guess as humans, we all have a need for love and social connection, but is there really a rush to be in a relationship?
I say no. The truth is, being single is probably one of the BEST times of your life.
So why do people rush into relationships? A lot of people equate being single with being lonely, which are two entirely different things.
Being lonely is being afraid of your own company. Being single is when you are unattached to anyone. During my single days, I remember feeling bored and lonely too, and yes, it was miserable. So, I started planning more outings with my social groups, and if they were unavailable, I tried making new friends. Being quite the introvert, I started slow by going online (Facebook Groups, Meetup). It was scary, but hey aren’t all good things scary at first?
If you’re going into a relationship because you’re lonely, think again. Being in a relationship isn’t going to cure loneliness. Loneliness is cured through finding things that you love doing and doing them constantly with other people. So if you’re single, do things that you love, because trust me, being single gives you all the time in the world to do these things.
Another reason why people rush into relationships is this: They feel bad about their single status when they see couples around them. Hands up if you felt like shit after seeing a #relationshipgoals post on your Instagram feed. I know I did. And when you’re single, it’s like you can’t avoid seeing couples everywhere you turn! What’s up with that?!
But in all seriousness, being in a relationship is just like any other status. It has its ups and downs. Some days you feel great, and some days you feel like throwing a brick at a person (i.e your partner). Being in a relationship also means that you’re now thinking for another person too, instead of just yourself. The point is, there is joy in being single, just as there is a joy in being in a relationship. Why not focus on the positive?
A lot of people also get into relationships because they “just want someone to love them.” Yes, I agree that the feeling is wonderful when you have that special someone to share moments with, or to comfort you when you’re down. But if you’re thinking that you are some who is ‘damaged’ and who wants to be in a relationship so that your partner can ‘fix’ you, then think again.
Because I cannot stress how wrong this is, or how immature this sentiment is.
The statement “Love yourself in order for someone to love you” has been repeated many times, and it is the truth. When I was a single, self-conscious teen, I didn’t exactly look or feel great about myself. I was very scared to approach boys, and I didn’t really give boys any reason to approach me either.
I was uncomfortable in my skin, and somehow that showed in my interactions. Now I’m not expecting every person who’s single to have the confidence of a rockstar, but you do need to start loving who you are and believe in yourself most of your days, flaws and all.
And when you’re finally in that relationship, your partner is a complement to how you feel, instead of a fix for any of your insecurities.
So here’s the gist – being single has a lot of perks, and this is something that sadly, most people in relationships need to start telling to singles. So why not celebrate your #singlegoals and appreciating the moment before it ends?