It’s not easy being a guy.
As much as women think that society have high expectations for them to dress or behave a certain way, it’s the same (if not worse) for men. For example, men are expected to do most of the courting, and as a result, have more to prove in the initial stages of dating.
Recently I was having a chat with a few male friends of mine, and I was surprised to learn that dating is hard for guys. In fact, almost all of them said that they have met women who will not date men who are ‘not tall enough’, or ‘don’t earn enough’ or ‘plays too many video games’. Sadly, these are all good, single men who in my opinion, make excellent boyfriends.
Guy Friend: Kim, just look at girls’ profiles on Tinder. I once saw a girl say “You must be at least 6 feel tall to ride this ride,”
Me: WTF. No way, that’s just one girl on Tinder.
Guy Friend: But that’s the thing, its not just one girl, its most girls. As a guy, I need to make sure that I am checking all the right boxes to date a girl, and I can’t even say that I like video games. It’s a turn off.
Me: *at this point feeling that I need to support my fellow ladies out there* We’re not all like that. I’M not like that.
Guy Friend: You’re one of the few.
Me: No. I’m one of the MANY.
Guy: Nope, the few.
And so, it went on and on. This endless conversation. But it did get me thinking, when did women get so demanding? And am I really one of the few?
To be honest, both women and men are bombarded with expectations, but the trick is knowing what sort of expectations are realistic, and what are just irrational. Hence, I am still standing to my beliefs by saying this: We’re not all like that. I know so many single girls who don’t give a hoot on how tall you are, or how much you spend on them on the first date. Every girl is different.
For example: there are some who like make-up and some who don’t know the difference between eyeliner and mascara. Just the same, not all girls are demanding, it really depends on the type of girl which you want to be with. In fact, most girls just want a simple guy, and it’s not as hard as you think it is (or maybe it is, depending on the mindset you have). So, don’t get discouraged!
So, what do girls want in a man?
One of the most attractive traits is effort. Just to be clear, effort is not fancy restaurants or extravagant gifts, but the little things that you do for a girl. It’s when you wait in line to get her favourite ice cream or take the time to socialize with her family and friends although you’d rather be watching TV at home.
Seriously, I know a girl who realised that she was ready to marry her boyfriend when he went out of his way to buy her soup when she was sick. Of course, I’m not saying that the ‘big gestures’ shouldn’t be done, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that’s all a girl wants.
The second trait is kindness. Most guys think that they must be a ‘bad boy’ to attract a girl. Not quite true – being a ‘bad boy’ is acceptable, being an ‘asshole’ is not. Girls do like men who take risks and know what they are doing. However sometimes guys can’t tell the difference and become an asshole instead.
What’s the difference? To me, ‘bad boys’ are men who take risks, confident, and assertive enough in standing up for them believes. Being rude, mean, or ‘playing games’ while you’re dating are some of the things we consider unacceptable or a turn-off.
Bad boys are confident, assholes are insecure. See the difference?
So, the next time you’re out on a date with a girl, just know that she’s watching how you interact with others and herself. Be respectful, because how you treat others is a reflection of how you’ll treat her in the future, and trust me, girls are thinking about it.
The third trait is being dependable. Most women want to know that you can be counted upon when times are rough. During one of my early dates with my boyfriend, I was driving with him in the car, and all of a sudden, I had a flat tyre. Immediately his instinct was to take out the tools and spare tyre from my booth and start fixing my tyre. That was when I knew that he could be counted on in an emergency.
Being dependable doesn’t mean you must have a house or car or have your life all figured out now (because who ACTUALLY has their life all figured out?). Being dependable is showing that you’re hardworking and reliable. Trust me, it goes a long way in impressing a girl.
Dependability also shows a lot about your ambition and character, which is incredibly sexy. So, here’s a tip: Don’t be afraid to talk about your dreams and goals, because trust me, the right girl would want to hear it.
The fourth and last trait is being genuine. Seriously, I speak for most girls when I say this: when you try too hard to impress us, we can tell. Frankly, it makes us uncomfortable.
Just be yourself. Be open and honest. It’s okay if you don’t dress up like a GQ model, or if you’re a geek who’s currently addicted to playing Overwatch on your PS4. In the sea of other men who try so much to outdo each other by their ‘maleness’, be original. Find out what makes you unique, and don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
So men, some of you may be reading this and thinking ‘There’s no way a girl can like me for me’. But here’s the truth: If you start your relationship by trying to impress a girl with high demands, you’ll always need to impress her in the future. Wouldn’t it be better to spend your energy finding a simple girl? Because trust me, there are plenty of us.
The point is to not be jaded about what you think you should be, and to keep looking for . In the end, as long as you’re your best selves, you’ll attract a girl who likes you for who you are. And being in a relationship with that girl will be the best thing in the world.
For more articles on dating, read 5 Ways Guys Are Approaching Tinder Wrong (And How They Can Be Better), and also 5 Ways To Know If You Have A Future With Your Partner In Malaysia.