This story is a user submission about one woman’s experience of being called a man in an MRT restroom, shining a light on her reality of living in Malaysia as a woman who does not fit society’s standards of what women ‘should’ look or act like.
Derrin* (anonymised) is a young woman who often casually dresses in a way that most observers would perceive as masculine – T-shirt and jeans. The young woman’s hair is styled in a mullet, and she does not wear makeup or carrying a handbag.
“It’s not unusual for the average person to mistake me for being a young man. I get that. But most people tend to realise I’m a woman when they hear me speak,” shared Derrin.
One example of when things took an absurd turn was when a public cleaner at an MRT station refused to allow Derrin into the female restroom. Scolding her loudly, she dragged Derrin to the information centre to make a complaint. “Budak ni masuk bilik air prompuan!” She told the information counter. The lady at the counter rolled her eyes. She told the cleaner, “Diorang prompuan jugak kak!”
“I had just finished using the restroom when I was stopped by an older lady who worked there. She immediately started questioning me. She seemed so sure that I was male, despite me not fitting her idea of what a woman should look like,” recalls Derrin. “But even when I explained myself, she wouldn’t listen.”
As she shares with IRL, this is just one recent experience out of many that she has endured over the course of her life. She no longer feels welcome in public female toilets, she says, because she is constantly afraid of being confronted by other women and made to ‘prove’ her femininity.
The Role of Masculine Women in Society
In a country like Malaysia, where gender roles are often strictly defined, people who defy traditional roles—especially women who present in a masculine way—are frequently judged and ridiculed.
Whether through their choice of clothing, hairstyle, or mannerisms, they often find themselves forced to ‘prove’ their femininity to others, which restricts their freedom to express themselves how they feel without judgement.
For many women who look masculine facing similar experiences, it can start to create a feeling of being alienated or ostracised for simply dressing the way they feel most comfortable.
“I’ve had similar experiences before, and it always feels like a burden to be constantly ‘re-explaining’ myself, just because I don’t fit society’s narrow idea of femininity,” says Derrin. “It’s tiring, but it’s also something a lot of us just have to endure.”
Gender Identity and Misunderstanding
People who are gender-nonconforming often have life experiences that do not align with others’ understanding of what it means to be a woman, man, or anything in between.
It’s not uncommon for gender expression to be misread, and often the assumptions made are rooted in ingrained cultural biases.
This expectation that women must look, talk, act, or dress a certain way can be oppressive and limiting.
“I know that people make this assumption (that I am a man) because they don’t see someone like me every day. They don’t expect to see a woman who dresses this way,” says the young woman. “But just because I don’t look ‘feminine’ in their eyes doesn’t mean I am any less of a woman.”
The Bigger Picture: Cultural and Societal Norms
The reality for Derrin and many others like her is that gender identity is far more complex than the boxes society has tried to fit them into. Gender expression is a deeply personal experience, and how someone chooses to present themselves is an intrinsic part of who they are.
For Derrin, it wasn’t just a question of gender expression—it was a question of respect and dignity.
“Being masculine-presenting shouldn’t be a problem. I shouldn’t have to constantly prove my gender identity,” she says. “Why should I have to look like a supermodel just to ensure I don’t get harassed?”
Looking Ahead: Creating a More Inclusive Future
It is clear that in Malaysia, the journey toward understanding and embracing gender diversity is a long one. However, change is possible.
Conversations about gender are happening more frequently, and people are beginning to understand that gender expression does not have to be tied to specific traits or appearances. Progress is slow, but it is happening.
As the world becomes more aware of the complexities of gender identity and expression, through exposure on media and the internet, Derrin hopes that future generations will have more acceptance and understanding of people like her.
“I hope that as time goes on, people will learn to accept and respect others for who they are, regardless of how they present themselves,” says the young woman. “We all deserve to live authentically and not be scrutinized for something as simple as how we dress.”
“We need to challenge the stereotypes that tie people’s worth to rigid standards and recognize the diversity of experiences that make us who we are. The goal should be a world where everyone, regardless of gender expression, feels safe, accepted, and free to be themselves,” she shared.
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