This is a story of a woman who had to go to extreme measures to prove to her husband that he was not ready for kids.
Before you judge me, read this story. I know it sounds bad, but if you understand the reasons, it makes sense.
My husband and I met around 5 years ago, and we pretty much instantly clicked. He was from Penang and so was I. We both wanted to settle down overseas. Most important of all, we both did not want kids. This is important for later.
I had always known I didn’t want kids and being certain about this, it did push away a lot of men I dated who had wanted to start a family one day. However, my husband was different. Ever since our first date, he’d been on the same page with me. However, over the last 6 months, he has been pestering me endlessly about having kids.
For context, we are both 35 years old. We tied the knot when we were 30 and already well into our careers.
Now, we have established ourselves in our jobs, with him as a managing partner. Safe to say, we are pretty busy in our day-to-day lives to even consider having kids. Personally, I have been enjoying the DINK (double income, no kids) lifestyle, especially since our weekends are filled with luxurious getaways, spa dates, fine dinings and the like. I’ll be honest – I’m too selfish to give that up.
About 6 months ago, my husband’s brother became a father. The new child brought a lot of joy to the family, all of whom were adults. So now, every family gathering is centered around this adorable kid. And yes, I do like kids. It’s a delight to see the things they say and do, not to mention how cute they are as a baby.
But overnight, my husband has apparently changed his mind about having a kid. At first, I thought it was just the baby fever over his new niece, but it’s been 6 months and he hasn’t let it go.
While I love my husband for many things, I do not think that given his high-flying job, he is not ready to be a father. He works late, and often travels for business. He comes home exhausted, ready to crash and is only present on weekends. Weekends which, sometimes, he still has to work on, since he is a managing partner at his law firm.
I don’t want to be a full-time mother while he spends all of his time working. Even if he took on a less demanding role, I know that, given his personality, he would not contribute to the domestic labor needed to raise a family.
So, more than a month ago, I decided to put it to the test. I told him that I was willing to give motherhood a go and for the first time we decided to try. A couple weeks later, I told him I was pregnant. He was over the moon, and we spent the first few days planning out doctor’s visits and looking at baby clothes and prams online.
Then, I started asking him for more favors. Since I was “pregnant” I would ask him for daily foot massages before bed. At first, he would do it lovingly, but he quickly grew tired of it and he would take me out on foot massage dates instead.
So the next week, I raised the stakes. I stopped preparing him the breakfast he had come to expect every morning, saying that morning sickness was making me too nauseous to cook.
Mind you, he had no idea that morning sickness only came in the 4th week – and it was still the 2nd week of my pregnancy, which just shows how invested he really was in the pregnancy. But he swallowed it and started making his own breakfast while I stayed in bed.
But the final nail in the coffin was when I stopped the daily chorus that I always took ownership of – like dishes, cooking & laundry. I complained that the pregnancy was making me tired and listless all the time, and that I had cravings for exotic and difficult to obtain food that I made him get for me. He would get what I asked for, but I could sense a begrudging attitude from him that wasn’t there before – I knew him well enough that it was a sign that an argument was on its way.
A couple of days ago, he got home from work – saw me on the couch & he burst out in anger at me for “never lifting a finger” in the house, and “taking advantage of being pregnant”.
At this point, his actions confirmed what I knew, that he was not fit to be a father. So, in the middle of our fight, I told him that I had just had a miscarriage earlier that day and that I’m sorry for making a mess. My husband’s face turned pale and he went quiet. As he spluttered, thinking of words to say, I shed ‘tears’ for our ‘baby’ that passed away unexpectedly.
He has since not stopped apologizing and done everything to make me feel better. I told him I don’t think I can go through this again. He agreed that maybe the childfree life was better for us. Ever since then however, he’s been moody and depressed.
While this whole ruse is not a great reflection on his character, I feel really bad for the way it ended, because I never intended to tell him I had a miscarriage – it just slipped out.
All I wanted to do was to show him that parenting is a lot more than just a couple of hours a week with a cute giggly baby – it required sacrifice, responsibility, and love.
In the end, it turned out I was right and I would have ended up having to be a mother to a kid I didn’t want. As a man, he’s a great husband when it comes to a lot of things, but being a father is not one of them.
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