Malaysian Confession #1: “I secretly keep my hijab off when I’m at work.”
In front of my parents, siblings, and extended family, I wear a hijab. But when I’m not with them, I stopped wearing it.
When I lost my job three years ago, I started looking for a remote position that would allow me to work from home. I applied for international companies, but I wasn’t able to land anything.
I came up with the idea to attend the online interviews without wearing one, and then I would start wearing it again once I got an offer, and started work. Because it was remote work from home, they wouldn’t really care.
I ended up landing two great job offers! While I was relieved, sadly, it validated my theory that the hijab was hindering my chances of getting a job.
But because I was working from home, in the privacy of my own room, I didn’t bother wearing a hijab. I guess…that’s how I started not wearing it.
My employer then opened an office in Malaysia, I got promoted and suddenly I had to start going to the office.
I took the hijab to the office, but I never put it on. It has stayed in the drawer of my table for two years.
Photo by KOBU Agency
I… don’t know what happened, in the mix of things. I guess I started to like the attention that I was getting, as a single woman, from my male colleagues.
I felt normal. Like I belonged and was not just their leader, but a member, and an equal in this expatriate team. It’s something I have never felt before.
People treat me differently with and without the hijab. Without the hijab, it’s as if I’m someone worth speaking to. I don’t get weird looks; I don’t get weird questions.
I’m too afraid to tell my parents because I know it will be a cause of disappointment and I’m even more afraid of how the extended family will react.
My family is conservative and I’ve seen other women in my family get pressured, and bad-mouthed when they “take it off”.
I will wear it to family functions, but I’ve managed to keep my work, my friends, and social life completely separate from my home life.
So, I live a double life and I guess… I’m okay living like this for now.
Malaysian Confession #2: “I am a Sugar Baby.”
Photo by We-Vibe WOW Tech
I was a scholarship student at a Private University (formerly in Petaling Jaya) and the scholarship didn’t cover living expenses.
I was a year 1 student, and I couldn’t get any part-time work. I had eaten Maggi for lunch and dinner for a week. Money was running out.
A friend working in the…profession knew of my troubles and sent me a weblink. I was getting desperate. On my first weekend, I made RM1,800 after a coffee session and two dinner dates.
For the expatriate businessman, they want to taste the “exotic” Malaysian– specifically Malay. I was young. Innocent and naïve. I guess you could say that I was everything they dreamed of. It was a surreal double life: Scholarship student with a 3.9 CGPA by day. Sugar Baby three nights a week and on Saturday.
The men were polite, respectful, courteous, and to my mind, incredibly generous with their wealth in compensation for my time.
I did not have sex with any of them during the first year. I would during my second and final year, because it paid a lot better, and also let me provide support for my parents back home.
I graduated five years ago, with honors and worked my way up to the top. Those were the good years, but I have never been able to leave “sugaring” behind me.
I still do it. It has gone beyond just coffee, dinner, and “arm candy,” with the regulars that I can trust. The sex, with them, is better than any boyfriend I’ve ever had.
Times are hard now, and my side income is suffering due to COVID and all the lockdowns. But at least, I still have my day job.
Malaysian Confession #3: “I Tell Everyone I Have A Degree, But I Never Graduated.”
Photo by Benjamin Kafer
I never graduated from university. I paid and ordered a fake degree, transcripts, and had it all sent to my parents’ house.
My parents bought it, so did the extended family. I lied to my friends. I broke up with my girlfriend because I didn’t want her to be with a fraud like me.
I was already in my 5th year of university, in what was supposed to be a 3.5-year degree.
Realistically, I had at least another 1.5 years to go before I could graduate. I screwed up, with a ton of “Ds,” “Es,” and a couple of “F’s.” I just couldn’t handle it anymore.
I just told my parents that I was too embarrassed as a 5th-year student, so I didn’t want to go to the graduation ceremony. I mean, all of my friends had already graduated at least two years before.
They believed it.
This weighs heavily on me all the time. Whenever people talk about it, I do my best not to lie – I tell them I “went” to university and don’t mention graduation.
If that question is asked, I tell a version of the truth – “I didn’t go to a graduation ceremony.” That’s my last resort.
I’ve been living a double life, terrified of being branded as a “Drop Out.”
I would still kill to go, study my ass off, and graduate with all of my friends. I would love to let my parents be proud of me as I walked across the stage.
Going back to university is just not worth it. I’ve been running my own business for three years and despite the impact of the COVID19, I am still scared of being found out, being labeled.
But ironically, that’s why I’m so successful. I want to bury that lie so deep with success that nobody wants to ask me about the university.
Do You Have A Confession To Share?
We all make plans on how we want our lives to go. But on many occasions, things will happen that are beyond our control and lead us to do things that we later regret. If you have a story like this, share it here.
For more Malaysian Confessions, read: Confessions Of An Aquarius Girl: My Dating Experience with Each Zodiac Sign and If Only Babies Came with a Manual – Confessions of a First-Time Mom
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