Love is often seen as an emotional connection—a deep, unbreakable bond filled with passion, warmth, and sentiment. But what happens when one partner experiences love not as an emotion, but as a logical, deliberate choice?
This is the reality for “Indira,” a Malaysian woman in her 30s, who has been married for five years. Unlike the grand, emotional love stories we see in movies, their relationship is built on practicality, trust, and unwavering consistency. Because her husband is a clinically diagnosed sociopath.
What Is Sociopathy?
Sociopathy, or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), is a condition where a person has difficulty processing emotions and social norms the way most people do. Sociopaths often:
- Struggle to understand or respond to emotions in a typical way.
- Prioritize logic over sentiment in decision-making.
- Remain emotionally detached in high-stress situations.
- Have difficulty with social cues but can still form strong attachments.
Many confuse sociopathy with psychopathy, but they are not the same. Psychopaths tend to be manipulative, calculating, and lack empathy entirely. Sociopaths, on the other hand, can form attachments and follow moral codes, even if their emotions don’t guide them the way they do for most people.
“My husband is not a villain, a monster, or a manipulator,” Indira explains. “He simply experiences the world differently. And once I learned to see love through his perspective, everything made sense.”
“His Sociopathy Saved the Day”
A few years ago, Indira and her husband were driving through KL’s notoriously bad traffic when they witnessed a motorcycle accident. The rider was thrown off and lay motionless on the ground. Several people rushed over in panic—some crying, others yelling for help, but no one knew what to do.
Her husband, however, acted immediately. Without hesitation, he parked the car, assessed the situation, and gave clear, direct instructions.
“He told someone to call an ambulance. He checked if the guy was breathing, stabilized his head, and stopped a bystander from moving him. While others were frozen in shock or too emotional to act, he was completely calm and focused.”
Later, the paramedics told them his quick thinking might have saved the rider from spinal damage.
“That was when I truly understood him,” Indira says. “He doesn’t get emotionally overwhelmed. He doesn’t panic. He sees a crisis and solves it. And in that moment, I wasn’t just grateful—I was in awe.”
“He Shows Love in Ways Most People Don’t Recognize.”
“He doesn’t say ‘I love you’ often. He doesn’t do grand romantic gestures. But love, to him, is in the small, practical things. He remembers everything I say, even the things I forget myself. If I mention I like a certain type of tea, he stocks it at home.
If I’m sick, he handles everything efficiently—medicine, meals, logistics—without fuss. He won’t give emotional reassurances, but his actions are unwavering. I had to learn to see love in his way, rather than expect it in conventional forms.”
“He’s Honest to a Fault.”
“He doesn’t sugarcoat anything. If I ask for an opinion, I’ll get the raw truth. There’s no comforting white lies, no emotional cushioning—just facts. At first, it was difficult. But over time, I realized he wasn’t being cruel; he just doesn’t see the point of unnecessary pleasantries. If he gives me a compliment, I know it’s 100% genuine.”
“He Doesn’t Understand Emotion, But He Respects It.”
“I have anxiety. He doesn’t understand it emotionally, but he sees the logic in me needing support. If I tell him I’m overwhelmed, he won’t offer emotional comfort, but he’ll take over responsibilities without question. No drama, no judgment—just action. In a strange way, his matter-of-fact approach is one of the most supportive things in my life.”
“I Stayed Because of His Condition, Not Despite It.”
“Loving him has challenged everything I thought I knew about relationships. He doesn’t fit the mold of what society says a ‘good partner’ should be. But he is good—just in a different way.
He is loyal, reliable, and endlessly capable. He doesn’t fake emotions, doesn’t play games, doesn’t manipulate. He loves in the only way he knows how—through consistency and action. I stayed because of his condition, not despite it. Because I see him for who he truly is, and that’s enough.”
He is with me, because he chose me
When a friend once asked him how he knew he loved me, he replied, “I don’t love her the way you’d define it. But I have no desire to be with anyone else. She improves my life. I respect her intelligence, enjoy her company, and trust her. That’s enough.”
His love is a deliberate choice, unwavering and practical—not a fleeting feeling that can change with time. Love doesn’t always look like grand romantic gestures. Sometimes, it’s quiet, pragmatic, and built on trust. He may not love me the way the world expects, but in the ways that truly matter—he does. And that is enough.
Breaking the Stigma
Mental health awareness is growing in Malaysia, but disorders like ASPD are still widely misunderstood. People assume sociopaths are dangerous, heartless, or incapable of love. This woman’s story challenges that perception, proving that love doesn’t always look the way we expect—but that doesn’t make it any less real.
Would you recognize love if it didn’t come in the form you were taught to expect?
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Read also: How CNY Gambling Cost Me RM12,000 (And Maybe My Marriage) – In Real Life
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