This is a user submission to IRL. We do not edit the article beyond ensuring that it complies with the site’s format. We make no guarantees of its accuracy, grammatically or otherwise. The opinions expressed are solely that of the author, and does not necessarily represent the opinions of IRL or its affiliates. Users are advised to read the article at their own discretion.
I once fancied someone that I shouldn’t have been with, I thought that there was nothing wrong with her, that she was perfect. But she wasn’t; she was manipulative, she had me under her charm, she dug money out of my pockets and I conceded, thinking it was all for love. But then she left me, and my life started going through drastic changes.
The journey from break-up to moving on is full of twists and turns. It changed me so much. It took me almost 4 years to get my life back on track and put my focus on what really mattered.
Here are some of the things I’ve learned after my bad break-up mixed with how I went through it.
1. Don’t isolate yourself, otherwise, you lose those that matter most
The year 2015 was wild for me: My gold digger of an ex-girlfriend left for KL after almost 2 years of cheating me off of my money while also cheating on me with other guys.
I had a part-time job as a waiter while juggling my studies but although I was constantly in an environment filled with people, I just didn’t want to fit in or make friends. After she I liked being alone, I had a disdain for humanity and I became cold towards my close friends and even my own family members. I even skipped school a lot because I just stopped caring about my future and instead was out late doing what teens shouldn’t be doing.
I regret those late nights and those terrible decisions because I find it quite hard to reconnect with my mom these days, our conversations just aren’t the same and I can tell that she feels like she’s talking to a stranger. And I’ve lost contact with most of my old friends from school, only 2 that I still keep in touch with to this day and I regret not being a part of their lives for some time.
It might feel nice to be worry-free, have no restrictions on your choices and just live every day like there’s no tomorrow, but then you miss out on being with the people you hold closest and might not even recognize each other anymore.
So keep your trust-worthy friends and your family members close; always be with them, cherish them, let them know how your day went and ask about theirs too. And along the way, make new friends and meet new people; don’t be shy or skeptical about the world and just put yourself out there.
2. Don’t look back
Probably my biggest regret was always lingering what we had in my heart. As much as I hated what I’d been put through, I still wanted her back. I broke up with her three times, and I came back crawling to her three times.
Maybe it was because I saw her in school almost every day; or that I couldn’t put myself through to deleting her photo from my phone, or maybe it was because I felt robbed of so much money, and I wanted my money back.
But when she moved, I didn’t even know what I to feel anymore. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, but at the same time, I was glad she left. I guess those emotions are just so hard to work out, and you have no control of what to feel and even think.
Eventually, I changed my home screen picture and deleted all of her photos. I couldn’t remember the digits of her number by heart anymore, and I started a new chapter in my life.
The first step to moving on is just forgetting that there was ever a person to remember in the first place and erasing any potential way of remembering them. It takes a lot of time and a lot of patience, but just because you decide to stop moving doesn’t mean the world will decide to stop moving with you.
3. You gotta pick yourself back up and not lose yourself
Bad experiences teach us good life lessons, they shape us into smarter and wiser individuals. But before we become that, we first have to reach an all-time low.
I was once very cynical about the world, about people. I didn’t take kindly to pleasantries or praise and I lost my smile. Besides that, I spent money like it didn’t even matter and I also didn’t care about my own health; mentally or physically and I certainly didn’t care what people had to say about it.
From a glance, it felt like I was happy with myself at that stage, but really I was just stuck in a rut and falling apart. Eventually, I decided to change myself for the better, and refocusing on my life in a more positive and healthier manner.
It’s never the end of the world and no one can keep going that deep. You have so much more to fulfill in life and so many good moments in life to create, and change really does start with you.
4. You’ll move on, eventually
It doesn’t happen in a snap. If you loved that person and wanted to be with them so badly, your emotions stay that way long after they’re gone and the pain that they put you through won’t outweigh that feeling, either.
But the first step to moving on is to just live in the now and enjoy life. Catch a sunset by the beach with your friends, take up a hobby, do some soul searching, reclaim your identity and just find your happiness again.
Encountering a person who you love but that who brings nothing but trouble and misery in our life is inevitable, but what we do after parting from them is a journey where we become the passenger to our own life.
But despite how horrible this whole experience was, I ended up thinking to myself that the man I am today is because of these moments and how it reshaped my personality.
So never let your mistakes or experiences defy you, instead make them your lesson and keep living your life, stronger and wiser.
For more break-up related articles, you can also read 7 Tips On How To Better Cope With A Break-up and Can ex(es) stay as friends? Malaysians weigh in.
More from Real Relationships
“Is Marriage Just for the Kids?” Asks M’sian Woman after 12 Empty Years With Passive Husband
This story is shared anonymously by a M’sian woman who shares how she has been living for 12 years in …
“All I Got For Christmas was Finding Out My Husband Is Gay,” Shares Horrified M’sian Woman
This story is about a woman who found out that her husband of 5 years was having an affair with …
“I Thought I Was Cool With Polyamory Until My Girlfriend Slept With Someone Else,” Shares Regretful M’sian Man
This story is a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of polyamory as shared by a long-time reader of In Real …
