Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
A “Sugar Mama” is loosely defined as an older, wealthy woman who enters into a relationship with a younger individual and compensates their time with monetary or material value. The classic view is that of an older gentleman with a younger lady.
[source: cottonbro studio on pexels]
The Nature of our Relationship
The relationship I share with Datin is uncommon: Ours is no longer financially and transactionally driven.
I have a real relationship with Datin. She loves to pay attention to me and lavishes me with more than just money and things.
[source: cottonbro studio on pexels]
Other times her credit card was my credit card for an RM5,000 laptop that I wanted for studying (and gaming – Minecraft has never looked so good).
What are our dates like?
Our dates have changed, as with our relationship as well. It was usually a nice lunch or dinner somewhere when it first started. If our schedules allowed, we’d lepak in the mall, do a little window shopping, and sometimes do some real shopping.
As our relationship changed, it grew less transactional and more intimate. Datin would take me to museums and educate me, broadening my horizons about art and cultural performances.
I now understand ballet’s subtle nuances, but still, I’m not too fond of opera.
[source: loïc manegarium on pexels]
[source: priscilla du preez on pexels]
Yes, Datin still maintains an iron grip on her financial power. Still, we have an emotional connection, which has diminished that power gap. Things are more “mutually agreed” upon instead of her making semi-aggressive advances while waving her credit card.
Allowance? Yes. I Get one. Gifts? Extras.
We discussed payment or my allowance after we’d been “together” for several months and multiple great dates and experiences.
Datin likes being able to help with my living expenses and “pays” about RM3,500 per month.
[image provided by the author, eristarisis]
Financially Intimidated? Not anymore.
At first, it was a bit… uncomfortable? Intimidating? Having someone pay for literally anything.
I got over it pretty quickly, though.
Datin is an accomplished businesswoman, and her investments are profitable. She’s proud of the money she earns. It’s hers to spend. I won’t lie: I’m happy she spends it on me.
Her money finances a very upscale lifestyle. That took some getting used to: I am a collar shirts and slacks guy. If Datin is wearing Vera Wang, she makes sure I’m dressed to impress as well: Armani suits with all the trimmings.
She moves in with “atas” business and social circles, and since I’m there with her, I have to be her equal as far as possible.
What our Relationship is
Datin and I spend a lot of time together and have fun: We sometimes go to the Mamak. Other times it’s more luxurious, like Dining in the Dark.
We’ve gone swimming in the sea in Langkawi and scared ourselves silly at Nights of Fright in Sunway.
We’ve lost a few thousand gambling at the Marina Bay Sands in Singapore and tanned on the beaches of Bali – She tanned. I got sunburnt!
Finest fine dining in malaysia, from the gordon ramsey bar & grill, sunway resort hotel [source: gordon ramsay’s bar and grill at sunway resort hotel]
I’ve learned to handle myself and care for the luxuries she lavishes me.
I’ve had to learn how to operate in her world of business and social elites.
I have a key to her palatial home in Ampang, and I’m welcome there any time of day or night. In some ways, we’re like an oddly married couple: I have my own bedroom, study, and part private retreat from the world.
I admit: I caught feelings a long time ago.
Sex. What About Sex?
The generic assumption that I’m some sex worker offends me, not because of what it says about me, but what it says about Datin.
We have a normal relationship where the finer things in life (not just money) feature more prominently.
Sex was never the end goal of the relationship – at least not for me and, initially, not for Datin. But sex did and does happen.
It’s actually a byproduct of the relationship. Maybe some glucose guardians are only looking for the physical stuff. But Datin was looking for a deeper connection, and I hope she found it with me.
[source: we-vibe toys on unsplash]
Gifts and money have never been exchanged for sex.
Intimacy is just a part of our relationship when we’re in the mood, on holiday or on staycation. We are highly attracted to each other, so sex often happens like in any other healthy relationship.
What do others see and think?
When people notice, they whisper. We are discreet in public. Maybe I hold her arm as a gentleman would but never show a PDA, and I’m a perfect gentleman.
Most people assume that Datin is my mother or aunt.
People don’t want to look too closely.
Malaysia is changing but needs to be more accepting of new or nontraditional types of relationships. If people knew the details, the condemnation would be swift and furious from both our family and friends alike.
I’ve kept my family and friends in the dark about this relationship which is a large part of my life. I’ve had to keep my relationship secret.
No doubt my parents – especially my mother – suspect something because I always have money and some of the finer things in life.
I don’t need to share my personal life because the judgment would land squarely on Datin. She doesn’t really care about that, but I do.
I would get angry on her behalf. Because she is a good person and doesn’t deserve to be disrespected like that.
How Long Can We Keep this going?
When the relationship started, I didn’t think it would get quite this serious. I figured I’d have several sugar mamas in the background, and we’d go on dates and do things together.
I‘d get compensated accordingly by all of them.
In the beginning, it was like that, but along the way, Datin and I became rather exclusive.
We’re content, happy, and stuck in a comfortable, neutral position where neither of us wants to go forward. We’ve talked about it: Do we want to go public with our relationship and have it become more… conventional?
[source: samantha gades on unsplash]
The fifteen-year age gap is about the only non-obstacle in our path.
Do you know anyone with an interesting story to share? Drop us an email at hello@inreallife.my and we may feature the story.
For more stories like this, read:
Being A Sugar Baby Saved Me From Becoming Broke During The Pandemic. Now, I Make 6k A Month
I Spent a Month Using Sugar Daddy Apps, and This Is What I Learned
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