What is love?
We all have different interpretations and definition of the four-letter word.
We all remember our first love, be it sweet innocent puppy love or a bittersweet memory. It all becomes a part of our life that we keep to our heart dearly.
Therefore, in conjunction with “First Love Day”, IRL interviewed 4 people about their first love. Here are their stories.
Jeong Min – I’ll wait for her
“So, it goes like this. I had a classmate whom I shall call Amy from now on. Amy and I weren’t particularly best friends, we just
knew of each other’s existence and would say hi when we saw each other.
We were in the same uniform unit and from there we get to know each other better. We went to the same camps and would also meet each other often outside of school because of it. All the while, I only thought of her as a friend, until one day it so happened that I made her laugh.
You know those movie clichés when you see someone that you love and time suddenly slows down and you can see her hair blowing in the wind in slow motion?
It’s not like that at all.
Her laugh was one of the weirdest laughs I had ever heard but it was because of her weird-ass laugh, I got hooked. I would make her laugh or smile whenever I could and the more I saw it, the more I wanted to see it again and again.
She was like my drug, and one day I realized that I had fallen for her.
Unfortunately, when I finally realized that I had fallen for her, I had to move to a different school for the next year for academic reasons. Eventually, I moved back to my old school after the period was up, begging my mother every day to let me go back.
By fate, Amy and I became classmates again. However, I was already dating another girl.
No matter what I did, I could never get pass the third month mark with any of the girls I dated. I would come up with some stupid ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ excuse to break it off. And after about 4 break ups, I decided that it was Amy that I really wanted.
I decided to tell her how I feel. Although she told me that she was not ready for a relationship, I told her I would wait for her.
It has been 986 days. She must have already forgotten about this but to be honest, I still can’t forget her. And now I am in a different country, which makes the hope of pursuing her even more difficult.
So, I guess, in the meantime, I’ll wait.
Anonymous – My first love was stupid.
I met this guy during PLKN. Initially, he wasn’t into me. He was into another girl in my dorm. But in the end, I made him like me by ‘coincidentally’ appearing in front of him, and ‘coincidentally’ liking the same things, having the same hobbies and interests with him and et cetera.
You know, ‘fake it till you make it’ basically.
Eventually I successfully made this guy like me and we went out for a few dates after PLKN ended.
But once I entered university, I felt that I deserved more, and of course, a better option.
So, in the end, I left him.
Anonymous – We were from completely different worlds.
My first love was my neighbour.
She lived above me in my apartment, and her primary school was just next to where I lived. We had been neighbours since we were small. Sometimes, she would hang out, or practice her dance routine with her friends at our apartment.
Because of China’s culture and education, the girls would bully boys during primary school and junior high. The girls would be more aggressive than the boys. Not all of them, but most of them. It is normal.
I told her my feelings in junior high.
That time, my family was strict. I cannot play with my mobile phone for a long period of time. And when my parents finally let me play with my phone, we started chatting and through there we got to know each other. Eventually, we got together.
We’re not together now, for several reasons.
During the main exam in junior high (kind of like PT3 or PMR in Malaysia), we found out that we had nothing in common. Another reason was because of her ex-boyfriend.
She loves to cosplay, while I’m not really interested in anime or manga. After the exam in junior high, there was this anime convention. She was invited to perform during the convention, so naturally, I tagged along.
It was at that moment, I realized that we are from completely different worlds. Even our values are different.
But most importantly, her main problem is that she doesn’t want to better herself, and doesn’t want to grow.
After the exam, we got into different schools. It was because she didn’t study well for her exam, which was why she couldn’t get into the same high school I did. I tried to tell her to study but she only said that she wasn’t book smart.
In high school, we stopped contacting each other. And I know that she did bad for her university entrance exam, and thus we parted ways.
Anonymous – My first love was more like a puppy love but I have learned many things from it.
We were about 13 when we first met each other. We were classmates, but we weren’t close until we became desk mates.
He was good at mathematics and bad in language subjects, while I was the complete opposite. Thus, we complemented each other in studying and became good studying partners.
At first, we were just good friends who helped each other a lot in studying. But one day, I found myself having a weird feeling whenever I saw him being close with other female friends. That odd feeling annoyed me a lot because I was confused.
Why did I bother?
I knew the answer in my heart, but I didn’t dare say it out loud because I was afraid of losing the friendship. Hence, I started to think less about it, and focused more on my studies, in hopes of eventually forgetting the special feelings. I even tried to talk less with him.
I noticed that he approached me more frequently when he sensed my sudden change. But I just pretended nothing happened.
I was a complicated being that time.
Our relationship started via a box of milk with a cliché “I like you” written on it with permanent marker. I didn’t know that he felt the same way towards me, and of course I was over the moon.
However, I soon realized that we weren’t compatible. He had so much to offer me while I didn’t. I was an average looking person with mediocre intelligence and there really was nothing outstanding about me.
Sometimes I felt like our relationship were just like “commensalism” when the relationship I adored was “mutualism”.
Some people might say, at least you are talented in languages and stuff like that. But they don’t understand how inferiority complex sucked out my energy and spirit during that period. The low self-esteem of mine wore me out. I didn’t talk about my thoughts and feelings to him at that time. I was afraid that he wouldn’t like me anymore.
In short, I feared everything that might cost me to lose him.
One day, I decided to pluck up my courage and asked him a very cliche question,
“Why did you like me?”
He was startled at first, then smiled like usual,
“Is there any reason for love?”
To be honest, had he taken the question more seriously, I would have not considered breaking up with him. I was really expecting that he could say something real instead of nice words. He’s always good at playing with words, I later realized. And that worsened my insecurities.
Hence, I broke up with him after six months. I gave myself excuses instead of acknowledging that I was a coward. He didn’t betray me or anything; it was all due to the low self-esteem monster that lived within me. It’s somehow ironic that I was always afraid of losing him that in the end, it’s exactly the negative feeling that made me let go of him.
In the end, he was mad at me, which wasn’t surprising because I didn’t communicate with him properly. He tried to understand and talk to me but I didn’t explain myself well. I was a narcissist who thought only of myself as altruistic by letting go of such a wonderful person merely because I thought he deserved “better”.
We didn’t talk for years. He was angry with me. However, when we almost graduated from high school, we started to talk to each other again.
“Remember how you always had a bunch of questions to ask me?”
It was PE class, and we were sitting at the corner of badminton courts, watching others enjoying their games.
I didn’t reply because I thought it was awkward.
“I am sorry.”
I looked at him in confusion, didn’t know what to say.
He looked into my eyes and repeated once more as if I didn’t hear him and then he left.
Until today, I didn’t ask him why did he apologize when he did nothing wrong in the first place. But I just want to say that, I was lucky to have him as my first love as I had learned many good qualities from him. I never had any relationship since then because I don’t want to start one before being mentally well prepared. I am still learning to love my self wholeheartedly, before loving someone else.
Anyway, my first love was a great person, but I ruined his first love.
Everyone remembers their first love, and often feels a little sentimental when reminiscing about them. According to the experts, first loves are often scary and are ridden with anxieties, so that is why they are hard to forget. And there is also this saying that our first love is usually also our first heartbreak.
Therefore, we end with this quote by the famous author, Nicholas Sparks,
“There is no love like the first”
For more articles like these, read 6 Ways to Keep Family Baggage from Ruining Your Relationships, and I’m a Guy on Tinder Looking for Hookups. Here’s 4 Ways to Avoid Me.