We spend a great deal of our life trying to find “The One”, but it’s not easy. Loss is part of that journey. You’re most likely going to get your heart broken a few times before you find someone who treats you the way you deserve to.
But, when it happens, how do you get over a breakup? That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?
Like all else, it’s different for everyone. But, here’s the advice of these Malaysians on what worked best for them:
Jumpstarting the engine
It’s hard to get back into the game after being in a long-term relationship.
You took your relationship for granted. You thought it was forever. You didn’t think you’d have to get back in the game.
What if after years of being not-single, you now come off as a creep? What if you flirt too much? How do you know if they like you, or are just being friendly?
After being dumped by his girlfriend of 4 years, Ken didn’t know how to talk to girls anymore. They were weirded out by how nervous and awkward he was. It didn’t help that he kept bringing up his ex. One time, he even broke down crying, and the girl had to console him.
In the end, his friends staged an intervention and told him to get his shit together. They advised him to just go on a bender, and have flings to jumpstart the engine.
It was hard. Ken said it was like being thrown into the deep end, but he found his groove after he started doing it for himself. He had many flings and regained his confidence. While the breakup still stung, being out there gave him the confidence to jump back in when he felt ready.
If that’s not your speed, then try cramming your schedule so there’s…
No time to think
Revenge is a powerful motivator. You want them to regret ever dumping you because how dare they?
Alisa was baffled when her ex dumped her. Days later, she found out that he had cheated on her. She didn’t know if she was angry or upset—all she knew was that he’s going to regret letting her go.
So, she put every effort into improving herself. Her GPA shot up, she nailed her Grade 7 in piano and volunteered for every event in her college. She picked up new hobbies—netball, guitar, song-writing. Part of her didn’t want to think about him, and by exhausting herself, she didn’t have the time to.
Though she spread herself pretty thin, the certificates and skills she earned were worth it. She finally came to terms with it after three months of overworking herself. While she was still sad, she realised he didn’t deserve her.
One of the most satisfying moments of her life was when Alisa became the valedictorian of her class. She gave her speech at the convocation – with him in the audience.
If you don’t want to wallow in grief, then channel that emotion into something more productive. Distract yourself so you won’t have time to think about it, and come back when only when you feel strong and ready.
Or if you need something more personal, there’s…
Writing it down
The first weeks after a break up is the hardest. It’s when you doubt yourself the most. Why did it happen? What went wrong? Will you ever find love again? The answers never come.
When Elena broke up with her high school sweetheart, she was a wreck. She cried constantly, her grades suffered, and still, she couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. So, her mother sat her down and talked to her.
She told Elena to write letters to him, but not to send them. Every week, she came up with writing prompts for her letters.
Week 1: “Write about how you feel.”
Week 2: “Write about how much of an asshole he is.”
Week 3: “Write about why you need to move on.”
Week 4: “Write about why you deserve better.”
At first, she didn’t know why she did it. It felt almost embarrassing to write them. But after two weeks, she felt better. Her head was clearer, and she felt lighter.
Writing the letters gave her closure. He had blocked her everywhere, and she couldn’t reach out to talk about what happened. This was a way for her to talk to him and get closure. By writing it down, she could process her thoughts and how she felt.
If you’re going through a breakup, take your time. Healing is tough, and you should always be kind to yourself. Take your time, and remember – you’re going to be alright eventually.