Being #SINGLEAF can be a challenge. A real nagging, lonely challenge.
For those of you who have been single for a while, you would know the feeling of overthinking. Singlehood is a phase in one’s life where you have many confusing thoughts going through your head. However, most of these thoughts can be toxic and unkind to yourself.
These are some of the common thoughts which one has during their ‘singledom’, and here’s why all of them are UNTRUE.
“I AM NEVER GONNA MEET MY SOULMATE, AM I?”
So you’re definitely swiping, going on dates, and meeting new people. But somehow your dating life can be summed up in either one of these two unfortunate scenarios:
Scenario A: You can’t find the chemistry with ANYONE, and you have gone on at least 562 dates already.
Scenario B: Occasionally you meet the rare unicorn who ‘ticks all the boxes’ but alas! They don’t exactly feel the same way, and they’re lukewarm to your advances at most.
Yikes, how disappointing. So you start to wonder ‘why do I keep meeting all these people and nobody seems to click with me? Maybe I’ve already met everyone there is to meet and the truth is, there is just nobody meant for me?’
The feeling is frustrating, and it does leave one feeling like there is no hope.
So why is this thought bad? There are 7.6 billion people in the world, and it is logically impossible to say that there is no one meant for you. Just because you haven’t found someone now, doesn’t mean you wont ever find someone. BE PATIENT. Keep hoping, and eventually the right one will come when you least expect it.
“MAYBE I SHOULD START PLANNING FOR MY UNMARRIED FUTURE”
If you’re a planner (like yours truly), you’ve definitely had this thought when single. Looking back, it was funny and sad at the same time.
At this point, you’ve gone to the ‘acceptance’ stage that you definitely won’t find anyone to marry. You start to think,
‘Do I need to adopt kids?’
‘Okay, at least I save money on weddings, so that’s good!’
‘Maybe when I’m old I can look into going for a cruise that Japanese lady’
WHOA CHILL! While it’s good to plan, isn’t it better spending effort on planning on what else you can do to make you CURRENT self-better? These thoughts, while they may seem proactive, actually make you wallow more in self-pity.
If you want to spend your life with someone, you WILL get married! The truth is, your thoughts about the future can be dangerous if it’s not controlled, so think positively!
“WHY IS EVERYONE IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT ME?”
Isn’t it disheartening when you see other people in a relationship and you’re not? It feels like literally EVERYONE around you has a partner, and you’re just #singleaf.
You wonder if someone up there has a funny sense of humour. When I was single, I was the only single one in my group of friends. Naturally when we met up, they would be talking about their significant other. During that time, I just didn’t want to listen to my friends talk about their relationship, because it made me feel sad and jealous. Then I felt guilty BECAUSE I was feeling sad and jealous.
Good Job Kim.
But hey, feeling slightly jealous is normal, so don’t beat yourself up. However, take care not to act on that jealousy by taking it out on your friends. Always remember that being in a relationship doesn’t equate to the ULTIMATE HAPPINESS, and it doesn’t mean that people in relationships are happy.
So be positive and do not compare yourself to others, because everyone has their own struggles, relationship or not.
“IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?”
If there was ever a more self-deprecating thought when you’re single, it is this one right here.
Maybe you feel like you’re not pretty enough, or you’re not good enough compared to your friends. There must be a reason why people don’t want to date you. How come all your friends are in a relationship? What if there is something inherently wrong with you which repulses people? Probably that’s the reason why you’re single right?
I always believed that everyone is different and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. We should celebrate what makes us unique, flaws and all. If we’re comfortable and confident with ourselves, there will be that someone who will eventually see the best in us, and who will love our uniqueness.
So no, there is nothing wrong with you. Keep being real and keep bringing out the best in you. Trust me, eventually someone will fall for what makes you unique, and it’ll be the best thing ever. Take it from someone who had all these thoughts, but still found somebody to love all the good and accept all the bad in her.
It’s very easy to get trapped in our own negative thoughts, but remember that being single is also a good time to celebrate loving yourself. Relationship is all about timing, and who knows, your time may be just around the corner.
Sometimes, being #singleaf is really a good thing.