This is the story of a Malaysian man who opened his marriage chasing desire, and lost the woman who truly loved him. It’s about ego, consent, regret, and learning too late what commitment really costs.
Back in 2015, more than 10 years ago now, I was married to a beautiful, loving and caring woman. She was the woman of my dreams. Adventurous, both outdoors and in bed, hardworking (she had her own business) and above all she loved me and took care of me well.
I ruined it all and I wish I could go back. When we first got married, we always had a great time. We loved travelling, we shared a passion for music and festivals and both knew we didn’t want kids. We got married after 4 years together, and started a life together in our own place. Things were going great. We matched on the same wavelength, and were always in sync.
Things took a turn when I got laid off from my job at that time. It put me in a spiral of depression, and I started to take out my anger on her slowly but surely. We started to drift slightly because of the tension, but she was always there, supporting me. In that year of being unemployed she supported us financially through her business that she had started a few years before.
I started to go for therapy not long after I started my new job and started exploring myself more, including my desires. I also started a few new hobbies, one of them being running. I would run with a group around KLCC park every weekend, and at first this was just a great way to keep fit and mentally healthy.
During this time, I met a woman that I grew to be attracted to. I found myself looking forward to running sessions because of her. We would grab coffee together after, but nothing more than that. She was flirty, and I enjoyed the attention.
One of those days, I started to wonder what it would be like to be with her. I felt guilty and decided to talk to my wife, who was also my best friend about it. I approached her by asking her about what she thought about non-monogamy and if she ever considered it. She said she could see herself living as a polyamous person, but had never explored it before. I had a long and lengthy discussion with her about it, and in the end, we decided to give it a try.
Excited, I immediately approached the woman from my running group and we would start to have “extra cardio” activities after our running sessions. I felt good.
I was living my best life. My wife, on the other hand, took her time.
She didn’t date anyone else until about six months after our conversation. She met a guy at her yoga class and they hit it off. She went on a few dates with him before she came back to me and said she couldn’t do it anymore. She said it felt weird to have such a strong connection with someone that was not her husband, and decided to cut contact.
She asked me to close the marriage, that she did not want to go down this road anymore. Angry, I retaliated saying she’s the one that agreed to it in the first place. Mind you, at this time I was making full use of my “polyamous” card.
meeting multiple woman over the span of the six or seven months since we agreed.
After long and lengthy discussions, that spanned for a couple of months, I reluctantly agreed to close our relationship. I still kept thinking about the girl from my running club often. I would occasionally text her just to see how she was doing, but nothing more. I thought of her often, but I wasn’t a cheater.
Looking back, I know one of the biggest mistakes I made was to hold it against my wife for making me close the relationship. I would bring it up during fights and arguments, and soon it would become a point of contention between us. It made all our disagreements worse and I was being difficult around it. Our relationship ended in a messy divorce, our fights got so bad, we started to take out our anger on each other.
After we decided to separate, I immediately contacted the girl from my running club, saying that I could meet her now. We met and had our fun. I told her I haven’t stopped thinking about her for the last couple of months and that I wanted to explore something more with her. I told her I wanted to take her on a date and see where this goes.
She immediately recoiled saying she was not interested. She said she was only looking for some fun and that she was happily married to her husband, which she had failed to mention to me. I was shocked at that revelation. This woman that I had been thinking about for months now.
having deep emotions, turns out wasn’t even interested in me, besides some fun.
I know, it’s ironic. I’ve learnt my lesson now. I’m paying the price. My ex-wife is now re-married. She and her new husband live in Italy, they have a farmhouse and travel around Europe often, as I’ve seen from her Facebook updates. Me on the other hand? I’m a lonely 40 year old man who had to learn his lesson the hard way.
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