Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
“It started out innocent,” said Donnie (not his real name), a 22-year-old gay man living in Malaysia.
Donnie never got to sexually express himself up until AFTER high school! He had only recently come to terms with his sexuality and, therefore, found himself trying to catch up over all the lost time from his youth.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
We had a talk the other day about repressing our sexual desires. He shared that he tried practising abstinence as he felt it was not good to have the personality of someone who is horny 24/7.
However, his “practice” would not last very long as he got in with the Malaysian BDSM community!
Here’s Donnie’s discovery of a newfound lifestyle
The Main Goal Of Practising Abstinence
The purpose was to spend more time being productive; I wanted to be doing assignments and focusing on due projects. Basically, doing anything but masturbating.
Even then, it was tough to remain abstinent, to the point where it was disturbing my studies. I couldn’t focus in class.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
It felt like I was constantly distracted by how horny I was. Abstinence didn’t exactly help me accomplish any goal I had when I first went into it.
It Started With Self-Help Books
“While looking up self-help books for people practising abstinence, I came upon a device called a “chastity device” which forces abstinence on an individual.”
I was intrigued by it and dived into more of what it was. I started looking on Twitter to research how people are using it and found the world of BDSM, where I learned about “slaves” and “masters”.
Some people would lock their penis and hand the key over to their master to ensure they can’t “have fun”. The master would, in return, provide guidance in the world of BDSM and love, of course. But the slave would live with strict protocols.
BDSM in Malaysia
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
I went on Grindr, and many claimed to be into BDSM and all that. But they didn’t have the proper tools (the “BDSM-essentials”, as I like to call them) such as the leather outfits, the kinky glove, a proper dog collar and rope.
Instead, they’d show a LITERAL dog collar that they bought off Mr DIY, and I mean, that’s just sad.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
Meeting Men With More Experience
I found this one guy who seemed legit. He had a full-on leather outfit and everything on his profile picture, so I felt more comfortable asking him about it. I was initially scared, like, if he would be very ‘next-level’.
But so far, I’d say out of all the people I talked to on Grindr, about 95% of the gay men who were 40+ years old are way smart
“They were very genuine about it, too, like they had nothing to gain from this. They genuinely wanted to teach me about what BDSM actually is and how it’s not just what I see from porn.”
They know how the relationship works and was very nice when talking about how it really is. Since they knew how young I was and how new I was to the ‘game’, they took the time to teach me everything.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
New Era VS Old Era of BDSM
Through my experience of chatting up all these old men, I learned how the BDSM community apparently went through a complete transformation. So, my perception definitely changed because I had a narrow mind about it
“I thought BDSM was just about pain and pleasure, but it’s not necessarily that. Sure, some people may get off from pain, and the other person might find pleasure in watching him give pain to others, but there’s this thing called servitude.”
One example I can give about New versus Old BDSM is how different “servitude” is done now.
So, with servitude, there is ‘Findom’, which stands for Financial Domination. This is where one person would find pleasure in giving the other money.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
“You start by being a dom (master), and people would beg to give you their money. The subs don’t usually ask for money.
The Old Era BDSM practices this by having the slaves pay the masters for the latter’s services. In contrast, now I see all these “fakers” in the New Era BDSM who create fake accounts and post pictures of their feet while asking for money and going, “give me your money, you dirty slut.”
Then the New Era BDSM also forgoes safe words, and that’s not advisable. You will always need safe words – no matter how kinky or hardcore the ‘game’ ends up being.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
“It’s not fair that the media portrays these fetishes and kinks only in a certain way, like how BDSM is only about pain. They never show the love and affection side of it. I think people should talk about that more because there’s a loving side with all the cute cuddling sessions and reassurances.”
Still, everyone may have a different experience with this. I mean, I literally gave my cum to a gym rat at some point while I was still trying to figure this all out.
Of course, I regret some of my decisions and actions, but at the end of the day, this helped me discover a new side of myself anyway.
Know anyone with an interesting story to share? Drop us an email at hello@inreallife.my and we may feature the story!
For more stories like this, read:
I Came Out As A Gay Malaysian Man After Being Married To My Wife For 6 Years
You might also like
More from Real People
I Put My Mother In an Old Folks Home and It Was The Hardest Decision of My Life
This story is about an only daughter’s extremely difficult choice to place her mother in a care home after she …
I Got Pregnant and Kept It a Secret From My Family While I Was Studying Overseas
This story is about a young M’sian woman who fell pregnant with a baby while studying abroad and kept it …
I Quit My Gov’t Job and Now I Make RM80,000 per Season as a Chili Farmer in Terengganu
This story is about a 30-year-old government servant who quit his stable 9-to-5 job to become a chili farmer in …
