This story is about a Malaysian who learned that bureaucracy can be defeated simply by not arguing with it.A billing loophole, a stubborn script, and five quiet years of free cable TV followed.
New Apartment, Old Astro Contract.
Back in 2011, I emigrated back to Malaysia after 20 years abroad, and into an apartment I had just purchased. The previous owners were good people and the place smelled of fresh paint and other people’s furniture choices.
They mentioned that the Astro bill was paid up until the end of the month. This meant I would have 3 more weeks of free cable – the astro box was sitting on the TV console – with a full set of paperwork.
We moved in a week later sure enough: the Astro was working. It was a basic package back in 2010: HBO, Cinemax, Cartoon Network, CNN, BBC and a few other channels that you either ignore or pretend to watch to feel more wholesome and well-rounded.
A week later, I called Astro to continue the same basic package.
“Connection Fees.”
The sales representative told me there would be a RM100.00 connection fee for the new account.I explained. Calmly. The account was active. The box was installed. I was literally watching CNN while talking to her.
“There is no new connection,” I said. “I’m just taking over the account.”
All they had to do was transfer the account to my name and bill me.
I could hear the agent’s fingers clicking on her keyboard before she told me flatly that the name on the address did not match my name – which was correct – and that they would need to send technicians to connect the system.
I told her I was not paying their connection fee, and in frustration with her sheer obtuseness, declined service.
I’d decided to go buy DVDs at the pasar malam like a normal person once the Astro ran out.
“Why do I still have Astro?”
The weeks passed, and strangely, I still had Astro. I called them back to ask how much a basic Astro package would cost me. Whoever I spoke to quoted me a price, and a RM100.00 connection fee.
I asked why a connection fee. I got the scripted answer, “Because your address does not currently have Astro.” I paused, contemplating telling her that I do have Astro. Then decided not to bother:
She was reading from a script: No Astro on record. Connection fee required. She was not authorised to waive it. An immovable object met another immovable object. I thanked her and hung up.
So… I don’t have Astro?
I didn’t argue. I just thanked her and hung up.I never unplugged the box. Astro was never formally disconnected. It was also never formally reconnected. I have no idea how they got paid. I don’t know if someone else was paying. I don’t know if the system forgot I existed. I only know I never paid a single sen.
Five years of HBO and Cinemax.. Five years of random BBC documentaries. Five years of Cartoon Network playing in the background when friends came over. I enjoyed free Astro for five years before I sold the property to move somewhere else.
I left the Astro box plugged in. Still connected. Still waiting. I don’t know if the new owner inherited the blessing. Maybe they’re still watching CNN right now. After that.
I never signed up for Astro again. I got Netflix. Never looked back.
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