I studied in an all-girls school since I was 7 years old, until I had to move to Johor when I was 15. Anyone who was in an all-girls school would know how crazy it is compared to a normal school.
Even when I was completing my degree I still had more girl friends than guy friends, but only because I grew up not quite knowing how to talk to the opposite gender.
Friendship with girls may have been fun. However, being among girls for most of my studies made me realise that friendships with girls is about as fragile as a wet piece of single-ply toilet paper.
I mean it. If you have toxic girl friends, they could be doing these behind your back and you won’t even know it.
Girls Flip Their Stories Faster Than the Mamak Aneh Flips His Roti Canai.
I’m calling you girls out for doing this.
For some reason, girls don’t like being straightforward with you when they don’t like you. Even the ones I grew up with did this to me. I believed that they were my best friends and would want the best for me like I did for them, but I was wrong.
Girls like that will pretend to enjoy your company, but once they’re with a new friend, they’ll talk shit behind your back.
Here’s an easy example. A friend once told me how she didn’t like another girl because she was fake, bitchy or something else – the reasons are usually vague.
That same evening, she happily agreed to go out with said girl, and posted a selfie with her on Instagram.
The caption? “Blessed to have such an amazing sister. Love you forever!”
But guess what happened after the meet-up? She complained to me about that girl again. It was as if she never posted that picture.
Big Circle of Friends, but Just for the Numbers.
Believe it or not, someone as tactless as I still had many friends back then, just like the other girls. Even so, I only felt connected to one or two of them.
The others just didn’t feel genuine.
Lots of friendships with girls are like this. You only know them for a couple of days, but they immediately start gushing over you, saying that you’re their new best friend.
Come on – that’s just the honeymoon phase in a friendship. No two individuals can immediately become best friends just like that.
These new “best friends” will be there for you. Oh yes, they will. They know that you’ll be helping them out, bringing them out to parties and the like. Then, when difficulties arise, poof – they’re gone.
It wouldn’t matter that you’re in the same food court with them. They’re too busy to talk to you, because now you need their help and that’s troublesome.
But don’t worry, they’ll find you again after a few months. “Ah, I remember you were staying at X. I actually need a favour.”
To be clear, I don’t need a friend who’s always at my bidding. All I ask is that you make time for me one out of the 10 times I invite you out.
It’s okay if you can’t. We all get busy, but won’t you at least let me know when you’ll be free so I can accommodate my schedule to yours for a catch up session or a meal?
They Are Always Right. Everyone Else Is Always Wrong.
Girls rant. A lot.
That’s fine, we give each other our shoulders to cry on and provide support when needed. Usually, after we’re done ranting, we feel better and can begin to solve the issue.
Unfortunately, that isn’t the case for some girls I know. I had friends who were straight-up illogical.
There was this friend with relationship issues. I let her cry and comforted her until she calmed down enough to tell me what happened. Here’s what she told me:
They were having an argument. Post-argument, her partner called her to make up. She didn’t pick up the phone because she was still upset.
That’s fair. But 8 missed calls later, her partner stopped calling, which made her upset again.
She then told me, “I wanted to see how many calls he will make to try and reach me. He only cared enough for 8 phone calls and 12 messages!”
I’m sorry girl, but I don’t know how to comfort you when you’re like that.
There Is No Progress If They Are Not Willing to Help Themselves.
Relationship issues aside, these friends would also reach out for other problems too. I let them rant, reassure them, and give them a solution that is the best course of action. They feel better after ranting, and promise to take my advice.
Two weeks later, they’ll be complaining about the same issue, asking what I think. It’s a futile cycle.
I can give them all the advice they need, but it’ll just be a waste of my time if they’re just going to come back for a repeat session every few weeks.
Eventually, I stopped contacting these friends. Most friends I cut off did not try to contact me after I stopped messaging them. For these friends, I have nothing to lose.
For the ones that did contact me to ask why I cut them off, I just explained that a friendship like that isn’t healthy.
I thank them for the memories, and that ends the conversation – just like a break-up, isn’t it?
I Did Not Regret My Decisions
It’s not their fault entirely. Between 16 and 24, I became selective of who I want to keep around. I don’t have much time or energy anymore, so I want to make sure that the people I do spend my time with, matter.
I know I spoke about girl friends, but this applies to my guy friends too – the few that approached me had their own ulterior motives, and that didn’t end well either.
Now, I only have a handful of friends. We don’t talk often, but we will check on each other every once in a while. These friendships aren’t one-sided – we help and support one another, and that is all I need, really.
For more articles about choosing your friends, read 4 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship (And Why You Need to Leave), and 3 Lessons I Learned after Falling Out with my best friend of 10 years.