This is a story shared by a woman who revealed how, after building the life she dreamed of, dating in Kuala Lumpur is her biggest struggle.
Over the past 3 years I’ve been focused and clear of my goals of wanting to settle down and get married, then start a family. Since I’m getting older, I don’t want to waste any time and wish to settle down as fast as possible. I feel like most of the men that I meet feel threatened by my high income and sooner or later, their insecurities come out.
For context, I’m a VP at a start-up that I co-founded, and take in an average salary of RM25,000 a month. I have my own property (plus one for investment) and a car. I have a live-in cleaner and a driver that works for me to help me organize my life. In every area of my life I’m a high achiever, and for reasons that are beyond me.
I don’t understand why it’s so hard to find a partner and a husband.
Most of the men I date in my preferred age group (35 to 49 years old) feel emasculated at my career growth and my financial stability. Most of the men on the dating apps are looking for cheap thrills, which I know I am not. The ones that do want to settle down and build a family, are nowhere prepared to, financially at least. They even struggle with wanting to split the bills or end up taking me to places I wouldn’t even go myself like cafe restaurants. I do admit I enjoy the finer things in life, but in my humble opinion, I’m not a gold digger. In fact, I can happily pay for the lifestyle I want.
I believe a partner should be able to match the lifestyle that you are living.
I’ve also tried dating older men (above 50 years old) but that was an even depressing experience. It was clear that a lot of those men were coming right off their divorce and were not looking to start a family. They just wanted a young woman by their side, not one that was busy with high profile clients and has her own driver. It’s harder to impress women that can take care of themselves.
The men that are earning higher than me, for the most part had a terrible attitude problem. They think they own the world because, well, frankly they could afford to treat people like shit, and that was an immediate turn off. A lot of high earning men are also extremely narcissistic and often have mistresses – which by the way, they are happy to bring to client meetings, unbeknownst to their wives at home.
As I’m hitting 40 soon, I’m getting more desperate, but I don’t want to lower my standards and end up with someone I would regret. My dream of starting my own family is slowly dying as I’m getting older.
My mom and her mom reached menopause in their early 40s, so I know my time is coming.
I’ve tried to get friends to set me up, family to recommend and I’ve also tried a few different matchmakers. Somedays I almost regret that I’ve focused such a big portion of my youth on building my company and working all those crazy hours, but then when I think about the freedom in my life because I can financially take care of myself, I know I made the right choice. I just hope to find a man that can see that the hard work I’ve put in is for the future us, for having a comfortable lifestyle.
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