Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
A healthy relationship can feel boring to someone who is used to chaos in the form of arguments.
Despite being in a relationship for 7 months, Wardah feels like her partner has lost his spark for her. However, Wardah learned recently that people can find comfort in dysfunctionality and that’s why she is struggling to find reasons to stay with her current partner.
Here is her story!
TikTok Almost Made Me Break Up With Him
I was constantly seeing videos on TikTok of girls saying “this is your sign to break up with that man.”
Somehow, clouded by the unhappiness being in this chaos-free relationship, I had managed to convince myself that my boyfriend wasn’t giving me what I needed.
Because I found myself watching these videos intently and going through the comments more and more, I’ve also caused my algorithm on my ForYouPage to only be about this. They had me convinced that my relationship had lost its spark. I was deep down the rabbit hole.
I was ready to pull the brakes and call it quits when I saw a different TikTok post that called out these videos for being toxic.
@ruggedcounseling♬ original sound – Trey Tucker
And then there’s that tweet on Twitter too which essentially talked about how sparks and butterflies shouldn’t be the main reason for you to stay in a relationship.
Realising The Problem
I’ve been in two other serious relationships and this is my third one. After breaking up with my last boyfriend, I wanted to make a change.
I was trying to be more self-aware of what was happening in the relationship and why I could never seem to make it work. In my previous relationship, I found myself only wanting to argue with my partners and I realised, we never had a normal conversation that held a healthy form of discussion.
[Source: Timur Weber on Pexels]
He does not feed my anger, rather he tries to analyse the situation and find logic in any argument I brought up with him. I know I should’ve taken this as a green flag but it was very unsatisfying to me. I found myself wanting to break up with him because I thought I wasn’t happy in this relationship.
And it’s true, I wasn’t happy but it was only because I was used to all that chaos before. I was used to the push and pull of a toxic relationship rather than a calm and stable one.
Unlearning Certain Behaviours & Expectations
I think what helped was acknowledging that it was a problem in the first place. I had to accept that this was my problem and I needed to work on it.
[Source: Huynh Van on Pexels]
Since then, I’ve caught myself arguing unnecessarily. I find myself staying quiet and analysing the tone I used as it can be provocative at times.
So really all it took was being self-aware and communicating about it.
We Still Broke Up But We’re At Peace With It
We tried to continue, but it ended up just not being for us.
While I feel sad about it, I also feel glad that it was this relationship that got me to realise what I can do to have a better one in the future.
[Source: Thiều Hoàng Phước on Pexels]
I learned to communicate my feelings without it turning into full blown fights and I am able to recognise my own toxic traits that could jeopardise my relationships with others, whether it be with friends or family.
Also maybe TikTok shouldn’t be a place for me to get relationship advice in the first place… oof.
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For more stories like this, read:
A Malaysian Shares Her Long-Term Relationship Reality Check Tips
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