Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
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Up until recently, stalking was not considered a crime in Malaysia. But in light of the recent case of Acacia Diana and her stalker, it shows how necessary for Malaysia to have finally made stalking illegal.
In a series of tweets, Acacia, a Malaysian photographer, recounted how a Malaysian man had made over 30 Instagram accounts to harass her, send her video recordings of his private parts, while committing gross sexual acts with her photos, all for the last 8 years.
Acacia had made multiple reports in the past, but because stalking was not illegal in Malaysia, PDRM could only wait until he committed an act of gross indecency to arrest him.
Left with no other choice, she moved to London to escape him, but he actually followed her there and started stalking her at events. Finally, after 8 years, he was caught by UK police. Acacia’s story is sadly not uncommon, as up to 66% of Malaysian women have been a victim of stalking.
In Real Life conducted an interview with Vanessa (not her real name), whose ex-boyfriend turned into her stalker for 2 years. This is her story.
After we started dating, we had a fight and he hit my face in public.
I first met my stalker in secondary 3. At the time, he wasn’t a stalker, he was my best friend. We shared the same sense of humour and we were inseparable. In college, he asked me out, and I said yes.
But one day, he was two hours late for our date, and we fought about it. In the heat of the moment, he slapped me in the face, right there in the mall. Fortunately, my friend was there to witness the whole thing, and she called security on him to escort him out.
I was so shocked that he was violent with me, that I texted him after, saying I was breaking up with him then and there.
Instead of accepting the breakup, he stalked me outside my college.
He didn’t take my break up well. In fact, he refused to acknowledge that I’d broken up with him. After that text, he started following me to my college, parking his car near my car.
Seeing him from a distance, I would avoid taking my car and go home with a friend instead. When he realised I was avoiding him, he would drive around the housing area next to my college and lie in wait.
If I didn’t notice him when I finished classes, he would come out of hiding and drag me into his car. He’d bring me back to his home, which was always empty, and he would abuse me, both verbally and sexually.
After this happened a few times, I confessed my situation to a male friend who began walking me to my car. When my stalker saw this, he threatened to beat him up, but didn’t come any closer because my friend was a tall and broad-shouldered athlete who was performing at the state level.
For a while, this stopped him from waiting for me at my college. But after he found out where I lived, he started waiting behind my house. Then he would drag me back into his car again, and the cycle would continue.
Aside from abusing me sexually, he called me names, insulted me incessantly, hit me, and even broke my things. All because he couldn’t accept the break up, and didn’t want me to leave his sphere of control. If I ever tried to leave, he would say, “If you keep avoiding me, I’ll kill your dog.”
I fell back into a depression. My grades started slipping. I could no longer focus on my studies. I picked up smoking. I couldn’t escape him, no matter where I went.
Because I was afraid of retaliation, I suffered in silence.
I could have made a police report, but instead, I chose to suffer in silence, because domestic violence cases aren’t taken seriously by the authorities, and at the time, stalking was not illegal either.
My stalker was able to track my movements by befriending my Facebook friends and checking for their posts including me. He even trawled through posts for hours seeking glimpses of me in pictures. The message was clear: “You are mine. You have no free will to do as you please. No matter where you are, I will find you.”
As far as I knew, there was nothing I could do. I didn’t know how to stand up for my self because I come from a broken home. I was scared of my father, so I never told him anything. My mother couldn’t care less about me, and I didn’t have any older siblings to confide in.
My friends were just as young as me, and I was afraid that he would hurt them too.
So I kept silent. Every day, I held a scream at the back of my throat, trapped and unable to let out.
I spent all those years in this sense of paranoia – until a woman came along who was brave enough to save me.
It was a woman who saw the signs of stalking and abuse, and ended it for good
I had fallen so deep into the hole of depression that I thought my entire life only existed to serve his every whim and fancy. I was thinking about ending my life as the final solution to escape him for good.
But someone from his group of friends found out about what he was doing. When she uncovered the whole truth, she threatened him with exposure and consequences.
She let the news out to everyone who knew him and strong-armed him into leaving me alone. She was the one who got me into therapy.
I owe her my life.
Stalking is a crime whose victims are mainly women.
According to Women’s Aid, up to 36% of Malaysians have experienced stalking. Since 50% of Malaysians are men, that means the figure is closer to 66% in women.
The harm that stalking causes might not seem as serious as bodily injury. It is perceived as the act of being followed without consent, yet it is much more sinister. Most stalking is done not by strangers, but by someone close to the victim.
They start off with unwanted contact, violation of personal rights, and unwanted gifts. If they are not reciprocated, these “acts of passion” are then followed up by threats of harm.
Some may see it as a “crime of passion” or something that young people do to “prove the intensity of their love”. Instead, it creates a sense of deep-seated paranoia that causes a person to have mental breakdowns out of fear and anxiety.
As for me, I knew stalking for what it really was: An act of control.
Recently, Malaysia passed an Anti-Stalking Law in Parliament
(Source: The Star)
Now, a person can be caught and jailed up to 3 years for stalking another person against their will. If you are a victim of stalking, here’s what you can do:
- Speak to someone from a feminist organisation like AWAM. Awam has a helpline that can provide free legal advice for the victim.
- Don’t keep it all inside. Tell the people you love what’s happening to you and let them help if they can.
- Get a loved one to follow you and make a police report. It’s now a criminal offence to stalk someone. It’s your right to be safe and free from abuses such as stalking.
For more stories like this, read:
“I Was Stalked by Men In Public” — Scariest Experiences of Malaysian Women Being Followed
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