This story is about a Malaysian housewife who trusted her husband to provide, only to discover their dream life was built on debt.When his job disappears, she is forced to confront love, loyalty, and the cost of silence around money.
I married my husband 12 years ago, and together we have three children. Our eldest son is eleven and we have two girls aged eight and four. We met in high school and got married right after we both finished our university degree. I worked for a year but never went back to work after my son was born. We both agreed this was the best option to raise our children.
We both come from humble means. His father worked as a school teacher and his mother was a housewife. They educated their children well. My husband got a scholarship from Petronas and thus also secured a job right after university.
His career has been able to provide a good life for us and also our parents.
Finances was not really something we talked about often, as he was the main provider and always provided well. We never went without necessities or wants, he often spends luxuriously for us on our birthdays and random gifts. I grew up in a conservative family where a woman never asks too many questions about money and where it comes from and where it goes. I trust him to provide and he has done so.
Since I stopped working 11 years ago, every month, my husband gives me an allowance on top of necessities for bills, groceries, kids needs etc. It started with RM500 monthly and kept growing, now I get a generous allowance of RM5,000 a month for me to spend on my makeup, skincare, clothes, shopping and savings. Every time he gets a bonus or salary increment, he would share it with me. Honestly, I’ve never asked him to but he just wants to as part of his duty as a husband.
Over the past two years, I noticed my husband has been spending more each month. It came after a big promotion that he got at work, and I knew it came with a huge salary increment, but I never questioned exactly how much it was. He bought a new car that month, a BMW that has been his dream since he was a kid, and a few months later he said he wanted to upgrade our family car to an Alphard. His job provided him with a driver so he said this car would make sense. The driver could send our kids to school, take me out wherever I went and if he got stuck in traffic, this car was ideal to work from the back as it had a good setup for a laptop pull-out. Of course I was proud of my husband, and happy for him to enjoy his hard earned money.
I’ve known him for so long so I knew that he truly deserved it as he worked hard for every luxury in his life.
That first year, he surprised our family with a vacation to France. I have always dreamed of seeing the Eiffel Tower and he wanted to take our kids skiing. What surprised me was that he got us all first class tickets and we stayed at one of the most famous hotels in Paris. It really feels like we made it. The sacrifices, the late nights, the travels for work he had to do.
Then this year, he told me we should buy another house, as an investment. I was happy with this idea as it seems like a financially secure decision. I have to be honest amidst all of this, my husband never once told me of any financial difficulties and I didn’t ask either. I thanked God for the blessings and for my husband.
Last year my husband took our whole family – including his parents, younger siblings and my parents on a trip to Japan. There were a total of eleven people. He paid for everyone’s tickets, accommodation, food and even shopping! I was just thrilled that we reached this level of financial stability to be able to take our parents on an overseas trip as they both haven’t travelled much before. They were delighted to hear the news and we all had an amazing time.
The whole dream lifestyle came crashing down late last year. My husband suddenly lost his job because of the new rules and sanctions imposed and his project got cancelled, so they had to fire him. It didn’t come overnight, but for a few weeks he was worried as he kept hearing talks and then suddenly one day he said it was confirmed. He started panicking, and freaking out. I had never seen my husband who was always cool and collected be that way.
That’s when I found out the truth. My husband was living paycheck to paycheck. Between all of the car loans, house loans, personal loans and credit card debt worth RM100k, he had so many monthly commitments that he couldn’t spare a month without getting a paycheck.
He told me about all of the loans and just hearing the numbers made my stomach turn.
I don’t know what to do. Part of me feels so bad my husband is going through this and the other part of me is so angry that he didn’t keep aside sufficiently for a rainy day like this. Why did he buy new cars? Why did he convince me to buy a new house? Why did he insist on taking all of us to Japan for a holiday?
I want to ask him all of these questions, including how much exactly he owes, but I’m afraid to overstep in this hard time. I don’t want him getting more anxious or stressed. I have a little bit of money saved, but honestly it wouldn’t even cover our monthly expenses. I wish I was more persistent with getting a clear understanding of how the money was being used and that I could make some financial decisions too. I know I need to have a transparent conversation with him, but I’m just too scared to stress him out even more, knowing how much he has done for all of us.
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