This is a story of a woman who was groomed since she was just 14 years old by her current husband, whom she has 3 kids with.
I have been with my husband for over 10 years now. We have 3 kids together ranging from 6 years old to 2 years old. I’m 25 and he’s 33 years old. When people meet us no one bats an eyelid at our age difference as to be honest it’s only 8 years.
However we first met when I was just 14 and he was a 22 year old in college. He is from Penang, studying in KL, and I was a high school student in my hometown of Penampang, Sabah. I thought he was so cool to have left Sabah and be able to live in the big city everyone talked about.
I recently watched a documentary about online grooming and have come to the realization that I might have been groomed. I feel conflicted as I do love him and he’s a decent husband and father. However, since watching the documentary, I started questioning a lot of things.
We met on an online platform for a teen chat room, anyone could join. As I was an only child with access to a handphone, I often visited those chat sites to make new friends. After making contact with each other, we moved to another texting platform called KIK Messenger. This app allows you to connect using a username.
“Our conversation became sexually explicit almost immediately”
Looking back, I realized that as a 14 year old looking for attention, I was infatuated that a college boy was giving me attention, while the boys in my school were all crushing after the popular girls in my year.
The first few weeks we had very innocent messages, exchanging what we were doing, how we were feeling, pictures of what we ate, or what music we liked. He would occasionally say I was being cute about something and at that age, I liked that attention. Slowly, he started asking for selfies and full body pictures. Then one day, he asked me to take my top off for a picture.
I still remember the day quite clearly as I first told him no, that I didn’t want to do that. He became quite cold after that and did not reply to my messages for a few days. Heartbroken, I caved and took a picture of myself without my shirt on.
I messaged him that I had thought about it and changed my mind. At that point, I felt like I was overreacting and if I wanted to be friends with a college boy, there were expectations I had to meet otherwise he would find someone his age.
To my delight, he immediately responded and called me “princess” and that I was beautiful. He slowly started asking for more graphic content including videos of me playing with myself, while we were on video call. He told me he wanted to “teach me” about my body and how beautiful it was.
Looking back I feel disgusted that I was only 14 when I was experiencing that. This went on for a couple of years. By the time I was 15, I was sending him daily pictures and we would be on a call everyday.
“My parents never knew any better”
My parents were always busy. My mom was an air stewardess, so she was travelling often, my dad left me to my own devices. If he wasn’t at work, he would be usually watching TV, or he went to hang out with his friends. They never suspected anything.
When I was around 16, my husband came to Sabah for a holiday with his friends. They stayed in KK, and were in a big group of friends. When I first found out he would be in my area, I got so excited at the thought of finally being able to meet him.
He said he would be able to sneak away from his friends for a night, and that we should go to a quite dark beach where we can be alone and he can finally see me. 16 year old me thought it was the most romantic thing, and that night, we got intimate on the beach.
After that we went back to being long distance, but we did manage to see each other twice when I followed my parents to KL. Right after I finished my SPM, I told my parents I wanted to move to KL to work or pursue my education.
Within a month of moving here, my husband asked me to marry him and I happily agreed. We got married right after I turned 18, he was 26.
Why didn’t anyone say anything?
Now, as a mother, I question, why didn’t anyone say anything? Why didn’t my parents ask more questions about my decision to get married so soon after coming to KL. I guess it was normal in my culture to marry young, as my parents did too.
I have 3 kids now with my husband. I’m not sure what to do as everything happened so long ago, and I feel like I consented to everything. He didn’t really force anything on me, but it feels wrong that he guilted and persuaded me to sexually perform for him from a young age.
I am feeling conflicted, if I should bring this up with him, or forget about it. We have a good relationship now, he provides for us and takes care of us financially, yet my heart is heavy.
Have a story to tell?
Share your story on our Facebook page and you may be featured on In Real Life Malaysia.
I Made Sure My Ex-husband Lost Everything After He Cheated On Me With A 21 Year Old Influencer
