This is the story from a gay man that frequented the wellness club that got raided and made headlines recently after police arrested over 200 men in the raid. He narrowly escaped the arrest as he wasn’t there on the day of the raid, but shares his story to raise awareness.
Recently the news has been making headlines with the raid and arrest of over 200 men at that wellness club. As someone who cannot live openly as a gay man in this country, it’s sad to see that even our hiding spots are not safe. Living your life as a gay man in Malaysia is not only frowned upon, it is also not safe. We can’t openly talk about our relationships or our identity at work or with family, so you learn how to hide.
You learn how to express your desires in private.
Unfortunately, years of shame and guilt upon our community has led us to operate in the dark, in spaces where we almost can’t be seen. The wellness center was a location for people like us to let loose and be ourselves after pretending to be someone else all week. The harsh truth is – homosexuality exists – as much as you think it doesn’t. We are your doctors, lawyers, engineers, teachers, students, managers, interns. Queerness exists everywhere, and the only reason you do not see it, is because we are hiding it.
The reason we hide it is obvious – it’s for safety. Unfortunately we can’t be open about this in Malaysia. The desires we have tucked away and repressed because it won’t be accepted.
Fortunately places like this exist to help us release the pent up stress of pretending to be someone else.
In case you were wondering, these types of places are not new to the “modern” generation. It has always existed. You just never knew because social media never existed back then. In the 70s and 80s, there were certain cinemas around KL where men knew they could go there and meet other men. The cinema was the perfect place. Dark, mysterious and just enough light to see what you were doing to each other under the blanket.
As a gay man in my 50s, I’ve been around the block and I know that the most homophobic ones are the ones that will secretly hire young boys and book hotel rooms, and if you were wealthy, you’d try to buy his virginity. The saddest part ? These men almost always had a wife and kids.
Ask any gay man you meet and they will tell you there’s a lot of “straight” men that want to sleep with them.
As you’re reading all the sensational news in the media this week – remember that these men just want to be normal and live openly, and yet they can’t. Sure, what they were doing were considered “devious” as it was set up to be a place to meet and have “fun”, but the deeper issue we have to question is why alienate a population of our society. We deem them “dirty” and “lost their way”. Yet now you’re surprised that some of the men caught were lawyers and civil servants and doctors.
Malaysia needs to reform the way it looks at homosexual people and activities. The more rampant the crackdown on them, the more rampant the expression. Conversion therapies are not the solution that should be considered. And most of all, if it’s something that is not acceptable in your faith, your culture or your religion, that’s ok. You will not be punished for the crimes of others.
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