Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
I love sex like how I love eating good food. It’s one of life’s simple pleasures, but unfortunately it’s turned into a morality thing: good girls don’t have sex before marriage, good girls “save themselves” for their husbands, so on and so forth.
The result is a sexually repressed society with a lack of sexual resources. I mean, 65% of Malaysian men don’t understand consent. Do you?
Here’s why I think sex should be destigmatised:
1. Sex education
We’ve already talked about how our lack of sex education opens our youth to a high risk of sexual abuse. It doesn’t help that Malaysia has some serious issues with pedophilia either.
But there are other issues we face as a community because of this: baby dumping, people rushing into marriage because they want to have sex, slut-shaming, and generally backwards ideas about sex. People aren’t aware about contraception and sexual health. They don’t know that you shouldn’t wash your vagina with soap – much less that soap that claims to whiten your genitals.
All we’re told is “sex bad, don’t do”.
The stigma against sex is so strong that people condemn sex education, claiming that it will lead to immoral behaviour. But here’s what I believe: not having sex education is what leads to immoral behaviour.
2. Let us have pap smears!
A pap smear is a procedure that swabs cells from the cervix to test for cervical cancer. Women are recommended to get it done after reaching the age of 20. If you’re a woman reading this, have you ever had a pap smear done before?
Probably not.
What’s truly awful is that medical practitioners dismiss women who request for one, with the reasons that these women need to take care of their virginity for their husband or that they are unmarried.
Yep, you can get discriminated against in healthcare for being unmarried here.
3. Some people are just awful at sex
Here’s the thing: sex is a skill made up of many other skills, like communication and understanding how bodies work. It requires awareness, being able to read other people’s body language, and an open-mindedness about what makes other people tick.
But some people don’t know that, and so they go into sex thinking that sex is an innate skill and something that they’re already good at – which is absolutely wrong. No matter how good you are at something, you can always improve, and this includes sex.
Having bad sex is one of the worst things in the world, I think. It’s sad lying there and staring at the ceiling hoping for a hookup to be done and over with because he’s just jackhammering you.
4. Sexual compatibility is important for any long-term relationship
So maybe you’ve made the choice to wait till marriage to have sex. And then you find out you’re allergic to semen. Or maybe you marry someone to realise that they’re a complete starfish and pillow princess in bed.
It’s also possible to find out that you have completely different sexual interests: he wants to crossdress and be submissive but you like the idea of a dominant man. We’re not going to kink-shame here, but sexual compatibility is a thing and it can make or break relationships.
However, since you both have already committed to a marriage, a legal institution that ties you and your spouse together, your options are very much reduced.
5. Sex is not just great exercise, but also really good for your mental health
Did you know that sex is good for your immune system? It not only increases your antibodies, but also lowers your blood pressure. It can even help with sleep (shout out to the men who roll over and fall asleep after sex) and decrease your risk of heart attacks!
The benefits extend to your mental health too: sex can boost mood, increase self esteem, and reduce stress. Had a long day at work? Maybe a little playtime with your partner can help!
Of course, sex doesn’t replace a healthy exercise regimen, but it’s a great recreational activity with really good benefits.
Sex isn’t the cure for everything, but there shouldn’t be any shame or guilt associated with it.
Those emotions should be reserved for those who express their sexuality in unhealthy ways, for example through ignoring consent or deliberately having unsafe sex.
Sex is natural and human, and we should be allowed to enjoy it.
For more stories like this, read: I Was Sexually Assaulted By A Lecturer In A Malaysian Private University, I’m A Malaysian Woman In My Mid-30s Who Does NOT Want To Get Married – Here’s Why, and Meet This Poet Who Writes Erotic Poetry In Bahasa Malaysia.
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