This story is about a Malaysian who learned that good intentions do not override personal boundaries at work.What felt like friendliness and transparency to one person became a lesson in consent, privacy, and professional distance.
Trying to Fit In
I joined the marketing department of a small tech company a few months ago as a graphic designer and video editor, and from day one I made an effort to get to know everyone. To me, a workplace should feel open and friendly, not cold and purely transactional. We spend most of our waking lives at work. Of course people talk about personal things a bit. That is normal lah, especially in an office.
One person stood out immediately. The assistant marketing manager, my boss’s boss. Very quiet. Very guarded. Never really shared anything. Every time we talked as a team and the conversation even slightly touched on personal topics, she would deflect or redirect.
Honestly, it came across a bit sombong. Like she did not feel the need to relate to anyone else.
Her Social Behaviours Bothered Me
I do not think it is wrong to want to understand who you are working with. Team chemistry matters. Trust matters. It is hard to collaborate properly when someone keeps such strict boundaries all the time.
Her refusal to engage socially felt very deliberate. Like she was intentionally keeping a distance. It made the rest of us uncomfortable.
like we were being silently judged just for being normal and open about parts of our lives.
I Looked Her Up Online.
So yes, I looked her up online. That is normal lah. Everyone checks colleagues online at some point. I started with her LinkedIn, but honestly it was a dead end until I noticed there were links in some older posts to other profiles. Most of them looked inactive, but her Instagram was public.
From there, it was obvious she was heavily into cosplay and airsoft. That Instagram led to her YouTube, Ko-Fi, and Patreon. None of this was private. All public and openly accessible.
If she was uncomfortable with people seeing it, then honestly she should have managed her online presence better: She’s in marketing.
She should know how to handle social media properly.
She is Human.
When I saw all this, I was actually quite relieved. Suddenly everything made sense. She was not boring or antisocial, just very niche. I thought it could be a good icebreaker.
Airsoft tournaments. Cosplay competitions with acting and performances. That kind of commitment takes time and effort. I genuinely thought people would find it impressive.
More importantly, I believed it would help the team understand her better as a person, not just as a very serious manager.
The Christmas Potluck
At the office Christmas potluck, everyone was relaxed and chatting, very casual mood. I mentioned it and shared some photos and videos. I was trying to help the team see her human side, not just her professional image.
I even chose the better photos from her social media. The ones where she had won cosplay competitions and airsoft tournaments with her team.
Instead of responding, she said nothing, finished her food, and quietly slipped away from the event. This was while others were still scrolling through her profile on their phones, commenting and discussing her achievements.
We only realised she was gone when someone asked her a question and there was no answer.
Honestly, it felt unnecessarily dramatic.
Called into HR
A few days later, I was called into HR. Apparently, she had filed a harassment complaint against me.
Harassment? For looking at public social media and talking about it at a company party?
I was genuinely shocked.
Her complaint accused me of violating boundaries and invading her privacy. I explained clearly that everything I saw was public and linked through her own LinkedIn. I also said I had tried to connect with her online before, but she ignored me completely. Like I did not exist at all.
She then showed HR her phone full of ignored friends and follow requests, as if that somehow made her behaviour normal. She even borrowed a laptop to show that many of the social accounts I tried to reach her on were dormant or inactive, so she “never responded.”
She did not deny owning the accounts. She just said she does not use them. Who manages their online presence like that?
She also claimed I had damaged her professional working relationships. That some colleagues were uncomfortable because of her “childish” hobbies. That others were staring at her in ways that made her uncomfortable.
That is not something I can control. I did not tell anyone how to react. I am not responsible for other people’s behaviour.
Formal Reprimand and the Aftermath
Human Resources still decided to issue me a formal reprimand. There is now an official letter and report placed on my file. They said I created a difficult work environment and violated her privacy.
I still do not agree with that assessment. There was no malice. No insults. No gossip. Just facts she herself put online.
She accepted my apology, but it was obvious she did not want to move on. Now things are awkward. She is my superior, and I am still on probation.
Given how this was handled, I am concerned she may not be fully objective when assessment time comes.
Considering My Future Here
I should not have to walk on eggshells at work just because someone prefers extreme privacy. I feel like I am being penalised for trying to be friendly and proactive, while her preference for strict privacy seems to be protected.
At this point, I am seriously considering my options elsewhere.
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