This is a story of how a young 27 year old woman chooses to remove her hijab for work so that she will be taken more seriously and have a better chance for career development. Working in the private corporate companies, she noticed a difference in the way her managers and colleagues treated her when she dressed less conservatively. Ultimately she decided to sacrifice her religious beliefs for her career.
Every morning, before I leave my car, I carefully unwrap my hijab in the safety of the basement parking of my office building. I carefully fold the hijab and put it in my glove compartment. I restyle my hair, add some lipstick and try not to feel disgusted at myself.
I am a professional woman, working in one of the top consultancy agencies in the country. I work with international clients and I have many co-workers that are also from other parts of the world. My role includes me travelling often for work to Europe as our parent company is and clients are based there. I love my job. I worked hard to get to where I am. I just don’t like the version of myself I had to be to get here.
Growing Up, the Hijab Was My Identity
I started wearing the hijab at 15. Back then, it was a mix of personal choice and family expectation. My ustazah taught me it was a way of showing dignity. My parents saw it as a sign of maturity. My friends and I wore it together, feeling proud of the commitment we made.
For a long time, it was part of me. I didn’t question it. It felt natural, like brushing my teeth or slipping on shoes.
But things changed when I entered the workforce.
At Work, My Hijab Became a Label
In my first job, I noticed the difference almost immediately. My colleagues who didn’t wear hijab were invited to after-work drinks. They were pulled into casual conversations with bosses. When clients visited, they were the ones pushed forward to make the presentation.
When I wore the hijab, I was treated differently. They didn’t treat me badly, but I would say they weren’t as friendly. A lot of them would hang out after work at bars or clubs and would try not to talk about it in front of me, I guess they were scared the hijab meant I would judge them.
The small social interactions were not so small. In corporate, the social aspect is one of the main indicators of not only how your work is being perceived but it comes into effect when it’s time for promotions.
The First Time I Took It Off
I was too afraid to take my hijab off at my first job because they had all already seen me in my hijab. I was too afraid of what they would think.
Early last year, I applied for another job, and during the interview, I decided to show up without my hijab. This was the first time I would be out in public without it. It was a nerve-wrecking experience for me.
The interview went well, and I got the job. This was at my current job, and I knew that the reputation of this company was good so I needed to make a good impression here as it was great for my career trajectory.
I know it has already made a difference because since joining this company, I’ve gotten so many great opportunities for travel.
Since I’m able to socialize better with my manager and peers, I was also chosen when they were deciding who should go to represent our department in Sweden at a conference.
When my company did an exchange programme between our other offices, I was chosen to go to Japan for a month to learn from their staff there. I have also already gotten a promotion and two bonuses since starting at this company. The evidence is clear that not wearing a hijab has tremendously helped my career.
Living a Double Life
Now I live in two worlds. At home, I am the dutiful daughter. I wear my hijab at family gatherings, weddings, when visiting relatives. My parents are proud, my community approves.
At work, I am another person. I laugh louder, dress differently, and avoid posting photos online so no one will notice.
The anxiety is constant: what if someone from my family sees me in a café without hijab? What if a colleague bumps into me while I’m with my parents?
It feels like I am lying to everyone, including myself.
The Guilt That Never Goes Away
I still believe in the meaning of hijab. I still feel closest to God when I cover. But the truth is, I also feel freer and more confident without it in certain spaces.
Every time I take it off at work, I feel a pang of guilt as if I’m betraying my faith, my family, even my younger self who once wore it with pride.
But if I were to wear it in the office, I feel like I would be betraying my career. I would be limiting my potential. It’s a tug-of-war inside me, every single day.
The Bigger Question
Now that I’m 27, my parents have started to ask me more and more about marriage. The truth is, I do want to get married and start a family soon. I just don’t think any guy in my community can accept the fact that I remove my hijab on a daily basis.
The men outside my community are also not suitable as I want a devout man that is religious and we can lead a islamic life together.
I am torn at the crossroads that I am. I feel like I have to make some big decisions soon, if I want to get married and start a family.
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