This is a story of how a woman has decided to stop going to weddings of friends that she was invited to as she believes it did not add to their relationship but instead was filled with expectations.
First of all, I have to say I think the wedding industry is a huge scam. The fact that a wedding cake is ten times more expensive than a normal cake of the same size already proves my point. As a woman, we are sold the expectation of what a good wedding is about, and we want people to comment on how beautiful it is. Nowadays, it’s all about how it looks on social media.
It’s no longer a community gathering event, instead we hire hotels and caterers that overcharge for everything and because it’s an industry standard it is accepted. Then there is the notion that we have to please our parents by inviting hundreds of people we don’t even know, spending the whole day taking photographs and not even enjoying all the money we spent on the food because there isn’t really enough time to eat and savour the meal.
Why I Stopped Going
I have always known that I don’t want to get married, but I never put it against people that did. I knew everyone has their own choices and I was okay with that. Since I was about 26 or 27, one by one, my friends started getting married. When it was my best friend, I was happy to be a part of it. I organized the bachelorette party and spent lavishly on her gift.
Somehow I feel like it’s the norm to invite people that you’re not even that close to. One of my colleagues invited me to her wedding. I felt like we were barely close friends, we just saw each other at work, and never shared too much personal details. Yet, she asked me to be a bridesmaid and it surely is hard to refuse that request. I found myself having to help with organizing the hen’s night. Of course, as the bridesmaid we had to pay for her dinner, drinks and gifts.
On top of that, I also had to get a specific colored dress for each of their weddings. Since everyone has their own theme nowadays, I have a closet full of dresses I almost never re-use because it doesn’t fit my normal style. Spending a few hundred ringgit on clothes I would never use again is such a waste of money and feeds into the consumerist lifestyle. On top of that, we are also expected to contribute an “ang pow” when we attend the same 10 course Chinese dinner at a 5-star hotel.
Each wedding I was spending anywhere between RM200-RM1000 depending how close we were and what was expected. I never enjoyed being chosen as a bridesmaid as that meant a lot of unnecessary responsibilities were put on my shoulder. Even if you don’t go, it’s considered an unwritten rule to still give them an angpow.
We’re Not Celebrating Love Anymore
Weddings are now the furthest thing from a celebration of love. It’s a celebration of showing off how much money you have. It’s getting people to spend money on your big moments, when you were the one that decided to have it. Bring back the times that the couple would treat people for their union without expecting anything in return.
I have since stopped going for weddings, bachelorette parties and housewarming of people that I don’t consider close friends. If you’re only calling me for your big moments, then we are not friends. Of course I still support friends that we can just hang out without expectations of a celebration, living coming over for dinner or dropping by for coffee. With those friends, I am generous to spend on them for their birthdays. Nowadays, when someone I’m not close to invites me, I tell them “Sorry, I don’t go for weddings anymore”. When they ask me, I let them know. I think it’s time we normalized it.
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