Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
“Maybe I used to have a stereotype of what my ideal guy should be. But the truth is, a guy is just like any other person – you have to fall in love with him for who he is.”
I started dating late in my life. I thought that I should study, work hard, and gather the funds. When I’m mentally and spiritually ready, I thought I would find a guy and get married.
For illustrative purposes only. [Source: Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels]
Our Dreams VS. Our Reality
For girls, we often think that when we get married, it’s happily ever after. But in real life, it doesn’t always work that way.
Some do end up in a happy marriage, but some marriages end.
I have a few friends, colleagues, acquaintances that got married when they were around 23-25 years old, and by the time they were in their 30’s they were divorced, separated, or facing some other issues.
It’s different for everyone. At the end of the day, it should be about figuring out your own timeline. Just because someone is in a happy relationship at this stage, or married, doesn’t mean you have to be in the same boat. Your boat is different.
What I Learned About Myself During My Experiences In Dating
I dated different people from various races and nationalities. I’ve dated guys who are Chinese, Indian, Malay, Middle Eastern, and Western.
I’ve tried dating face-to-face, and even online dating. You have no idea how many online dating apps I’ve tried!
For illustrative purposes only. [source: Cottonbro Studios on pexels]
You know how some girls have a criteria, where he has to be financially stable, own a car, have a house – all those cliché things? All those don’t matter to me – as long as he has a job, is able to support himself, wants the best for both of us and is willing to make the effort for it.
A Friend Won’t Be The Same When They Are Your Partner
I was in a relationship with a guy friend who I knew for 5 years. I thought I knew everything about him. But the longer I was in a relationship, the more I realised that I didn’t know him as much as I thought I did.
He was a completely different person, and in the end, we both wanted different things.
For illustrative purposes only. [Source: Yusron El Jihan on Pexels]
I’ve figured out who I like and what I like in a person, so I hope it’s reciprocated.
I know who I want to be with. He’s such a gentle person. I’m ashamed to say this, but I really like this guy.
When you have that person of refuge where you can just be vulnerable with and know you’re safe with them, that for me is important.
Changing My Way Of Seeing Things
Maybe I used to have a stereotype of what my ideal guy should be. But the truth is, a guy is just like any other person – you have to fall in love with him for who he is.
Accept him for who he is, and that’s when you know what love and happiness is. Guys don’t necessarily have to be a knight in shining armor, but the good guys are out there.
What women really want (but like, man not child) [source: Markus Spiske on Unsplash]
I too, had to change my perception.
Take Your Time… Breathe In And Let It Flow
Each and every one of us has our own timeline, and it will differ.
You have to know yourself and love yourself first before you can be with someone else. Don’t care about what others may say about you.
[image taken by the author, Mushamir Mustafa]
Do you know anyone with an interesting story to share? Drop us an email at hello@inreallife.my and we may feature the story.
For more stories like this, read:
“Modern Dating For Millenials/Gen-Z’s Are Nothing Like In The Movies”
5 Toxic Traits That Are Normalised In Malaysia’s Dating Scene
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