This is the story of a Malaysian woman who married young against her family’s wishes, endured ten years of escalating abuse, and finally found the courage to disappear, rebuild her life in secret, and discover peace by the sea.
I got married young, at 19, despite my family’s disapproval. They didn’t like my ex but I was a stubborn 19 year old who thought I knew better. Kevin (name changed) and I eloped and registered our marriage and decided to start our life together. He was 26 and had a job and was supporting us. The first year of marriage was really the happiest of them all.
We were blissfully in love, spending every moment together. He was supporting me as I was exploring my art that I loved doing. Slowly as the marriage progressed, I noticed when he didn’t achieve what he wanted, or he got triggered by something, he would often blame me and show me his anger. Shouting, throwing things, slamming the door and leaving for a night or two.
Having already ruined the relationship with my family over this man, I had no face to go to my family for support. So I stayed.
The Last Straw
By the time I was 10 years into marriage, I had been hit, punched, locked out of my home not to mention all of the emotional abuse and blackmailing. The last straw dropped for me when I got pregnant. At first I was hopeful that a baby would bring out his softer side, to allow him to see me as a mother and we could have a somewhat happy family.
One night, he came home drunk, pissed about something that happened at work and he was blaming me in a rage. I was trying to calm him down, and what he did, I will never forgive him. He called me “useless” and punched me in the stomach so hard that I fell backwards. He knew I was pregnant. I was just 9 weeks pregnant, and that night, I lost my baby.
I cried the whole night as I watched myself bleed. I had no one to call, no one to talk to about what happened, but I knew this was the end of me trying to make this relationship work. I don’t care if people say I failed in my marriage, but I could not live with the man that killed my baby.
That night I planned my escape. I googled different buses I could potentially take, where I would want to go and what my plan was. I didn’t want him to ever find me. I couldn’t go to my family cause everytime I talk to them they bring up the fact I should have listened to them. Yes, I regret it now, but it’s too late.
A Fresh Start
I left the next morning, with a duffle bag, a backpack and RM600 in cash that I had saved up. I withdrew all the cash in my bank account, it was just around RM1000, cut up my debit card, cut up my SIM card, and went to TBS bus station and hopped onto a bus. I’ve always loved the beach and maybe that’s what drew me here to this place.
This kampung that I’m living in now is the perfect place for me. No one knows me, no one judges me and best of all, no one hurts me. I am working at a few different bars around the area, and I also offer massage and hot stone therapy during the day for the tourists and locals. I make just enough money to get by and have been saving up as well. Costs are low here.
I haven’t heard from my ex since I left. I hope we never meet again. It’s been a few years now since I’ve been here, and I’ve never felt as peaceful as this. My days are slow, work keeps it fun and interesting, meeting different tourists who share colorful stories. I’ve even given myself a new name over here. I’ve not shared my story with anyone I met as I’m too afraid Kevin will somehow be able to figure out where I am. For now, I am living my best life.
Identifying details in this story have been changed for privacy and safety.
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