This is a story of a woman who decided to leave her husband after finding out he was sterile and could not give her children.
I’m writing this here because I’ve faced immense backlash from not only his family, but also mine. Perhaps a more unbiased view could give me some perspective that I’m missing.
My husband and I met back in 2018 while we were working in the same office building in Petaling Jaya. After 3 years of dating, we had a small wedding ceremony once MCO was lifted. Since the day we met, we were both clear about one thing: We both wanted a big family. He comes from a single child family, so he’s always wanted to have a big family, and I myself have 6 siblings so I understood the joy of growing up with a big family and wanted one of my own ever since I was young
Starting a family was our dream.
We waited till we were married to start trying. Mind you I was already 30 and this was 4 years ago. Since day 1 of our courtship, we would dream and fantasize about our plans with our future family – how we would want to raise our kids, where we would want them to grow up, type of education, religion and the likes. We talked about it all in extreme detail.
It was about a year into our marriage when I first started to worry. Before that, we would just try whenever we were in the mood, but after there was no change, I started getting a bit more paranoid. I started tracking my ovulation cycle and temperature to know my exact window of fertilisation.
My husband kept assuring me that it will happen and God has a plan for us with the right timing. I persisted and still went to get some tests done at my gynae. My husband never followed me to any of the appointments and I always went alone, so when my doctor assured me I was fertile, she encouraged me to get my husband tested too, as she said it’s actually more common that men have fertility problems while women, more often than not, take the blame.
My husband could not produce sperm.
Ever since then, I started to convince my husband to get tested. It took about 3 months just to get him to a clinic as he was adamant that there was nothing wrong with him. After the first round of tests, we received devastating news: He has a condition called azoospermia where his body does not produce any sperm in his semen.
There are multiple ways to treat it – namely through surgery and hormone therapy. Yes, it is an intensive and laborious process, not to mention the pain. But what I didn’t understand was that he flat out refused to even consider this treatment plan. Every time I tried to bring it up, he shut me down. According to him, he felt extremely emasculated knowing that he can’t give me a baby the “natural” way.
It’s been a year since we found out, and he has not taken any progressive steps into rectifying this issue. I will turn 35 at the end of this year, and the only looming thought in my head is that I’m, quite literally, running out of time.
Our dreams of a large family have been dashed.
The dream of having a large family has long since disappeared, replaced by a hope that having even just one child would be a miracle at this point.
To those wondering, we briefly discussed sperm donation but both of us were uncomfortable with the idea of having another man’s child. While adoption is a noble option, part of the allure of being a mother is the journey of pregnancy. While my body is still capable, I feel like I need to do my best to experience it otherwise I will always wonder.
A month ago, I made the difficult decision to separate from my husband because he was not willing to do any treatment for us to get pregnant, because I know if the situation was reversed, I would be expected to. Not just by him but by every family member.
I’m currently living with my only sister that supports me, while I’m receiving daily calls and harassments from multiple family members. To me, him unwilling to go through the treatment shows that he is not committed to starting a family. It brought me a lot of grievances in the past year and I just want a chance to be a mother.
Have a story to tell?
Share your story on our Facebook page and you may be featured on In Real Life Malaysia.
More from Real Relationships
“I Had Affairs with Refugee Men” shares 59 year old M’sian woman
This story is about a woman who didn’t go looking for betrayal, she slipped into it through loneliness, silence, and …
I don’t feel anything about his death,’ shares M’sian betrayed by best friend
This story is about a man who learns that the childhood friend who once stole his happiness is now dying, …
‘I Chose Faith Over the Man I Loved,’ Shares M’sian Who Let Go of Her Boyfriend for Her Religious Beliefs
This is a story about a M’sian who found herself torn between the man she loved and the faith that …
