This is a story about a woman whose proposal was ruined by her future mother-in-law when she announced in front of family and friends that she and her partner would be getting married next year.
My partner and I have been together for the past 3 years, we are both 30 years old and plan to start a family together one day. We’ve been in talks to get married for over a year now, but my partner has been wanting a bit more time before he proposes as he is in the midst of setting up his business and needs to focus on it. I totally understand although I have to admit I can’t wait to get married and start planning the wedding. I’ve dropped the hint to my future in-laws that I can’t wait to be his wife as well and we have a good relationship with each other.
It seems that my mother-in-law got really excited and started looking for temples to host the wedding at. As the famous temples around KL book up in advance, sometimes you would need to book it well ahead of time if you wanted to have dinner at the temple.
As I’m not Hindu, I did not know about this and it was never discussed with me anyway.
As it turns out, my mother-in-law went to the temple one day with my partner, and while they were there, they checked out the hall. My partner reluctantly agreed, knowing the only way to stop the pestering from his mother was to just go with it. They found out that the earliest availability was in December 2026, and told my partner they should book it “just in case”. Now, I know my partner was in no way ready to get married by next year and well, he hasn’t even proposed yet. However, again, instead of telling his mom “no”, he just went along, knowing that he could cancel anytime as the initial booking was just RM100 upfront with the rest of the deposit due six months before the date. Honestly I get it. If you’ve ever had to deal with parents pestering you to get married, it’s easier to just go along with them at the moment.
However, things took a turn at his sister’s engagement party. She was there with her husband-to-be, her in-laws, all of their friends and family. During the party, the parents went up in front to give a speech to the newly engaged. At the end of the speech, his mother beamed widely as she announced to almost 100 guests, that she feels so blessed that her family is growing not just with this upcoming wedding, but that her youngest son would also be getting married next year.
She wished us both congratulations before I could ever understand what was happening.
Before I could react, I heard my partner’s voice thrown across the room in anger, shouting at his mother in front of all those guests. I was both horrified and embarrassed. I just remember he said something along the lines of meddling in his life, and that it’s not her place to make that announcement. The energy in the room immediately changed. What was supposed to be a joyous celebration of the sisters engagement suddenly was tainted with the announcement of mine. I had nowhere to hide my face.
Things were weird for the rest of the night as some guests, especially the older ones kept coming up to us to congratulate us, and we had to tell them that we are not getting married. Then they would ask why and how long we’ve been together and if we want kids and we should “move fast”, along with other unsolicited advice. It not only put us in a terrible mood, but we also affected his sister’s big day.
A day when she should have been the star and highlight of the evening.
My partner hasn’t spoken to his mom since, and I feel extremely guilty because it feels like I’m driving a wedge between them and not trying to mend the relationship as I’m also upset with her. All the excitement I felt over getting married and being proposed to is long gone because I love surprises and was counting on the proposal being a surprise. Now that his distant relatives know that it’s too late, they haven’t stopped pestering him, calling him telling him to forgive his mom as she only wants the best for her son. To top it off, his sister is also pissed that the announcement ruined her day but I can tell she’s being polite about it, and didn’t bring it up.
A part of me just wants him to cut off contact with his mom, but I know that’s a very extreme response. I hope that she sees her mistake and apologizes, knowing that times have changed and she can’t simply make announcements like this on her children’s behalf.
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