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Back in the day, marriages of different race and religion was a huge no-no for many cultures. But in the 20th century, mixed marriages are a norm and are accepted by most families.
Unfortunately, not for mine, and the weirdest part of this is that I myself come from a mixed parentage background.
My parents have been strict when it comes to me dating boys, especially since I’m the oldest and only daughter in my family.
They had a list of criteria that they wanted me to follow, which of course involved that one term & condition — a must to date a Christian boy.
I always had it set in my mind, that if I ever dated someone, he would have to be Christian to be accepted in my family. I stayed away from relationships or situations that would steer me away from falling in love with someone that is a non-Christian.
Until one day — that one day where my life changed forever.
I fell in love with a Hindu boy that was a close friend of mine, unexpectedly. I knew it was going to be tough, and I struggled to figure this out with the help of friends.
We started out being close friends
It all started off with us being close friends, after getting to know each other from mutual friends.
Although we were both interested in other people, we would constantly get into random arguments, but he would always make up for it.
Eventually we grew fonder of each other, as we started sharing our day, our life stories, our likes and dislikes with each other.
One message a week became 100 messages a day, no calls at all became a few random calls a day. And one day, he realized he was jealous of a date that I brought over to a party.
My friends noticed his behavior and asked him if he likes me, and he could not answer. That was when he realized he liked me.
My friends told me about it, and it could not leave my mind. I felt the same way too. Every time he asked me for something, I would do it without hesitation.
Even when he called me late at night, I would answer. I would help him out with his assignments, I could basically just do nothing and still want to be around him.
So ever since that day, we could not be apart.
We went to college together, breakfast, lunch and even dinner together. We were so happy and finally the day came, where he asked me to be his girlfriend.
That was when s**t got real. I could not do it. As much as I liked him, I was afraid of going against my dad, and I did not want him to get involved in this mess.
So, I declined his proposal, and told him that we should remain as close friends instead.
He was confused as he thought that we both shared the same mutual feelings for each other — but he agreed to being friends after.
Being friends with someone you love never seems possible.
Days and months passed by, and it had become much harder to stay friends as we could not hold back our feelings any longer. We were both lying to ourselves.
It was a heartbreaking process to go through every time he went out with other girls, because the thought of losing him killed me inside, but I could not be selfish as well and stop him from doing so.
I would walk away and not speak to him for a while every time I saw him with a girl and he knew I did not like it.
One day, he walked in with a girl when I was with our bunch of friends, and everyone was shocked, they looked at me quietly but I could tell they were feeling sad for me.
I was so jealous that I literally stood up and left. To my surprise he left her, and walked over to me, and said he did not want to see her, and he wants to spend time with me instead. I smiled all day hearing that.
Finally, I took the courage to agree that we should try this and see where it goes. I told him my situation with my parents and told him that we need to keep this a secret, and he agreed.
[Photo from News from public, the eye of the world]
We started dating, and we were inseparable.
We dated for a few months, and we constantly could not get enough of each other — we were inseparable.
But I started getting paranoid every time we were together in public. I was afraid my dad or someone would see us.
We could never take pictures, hold hands or hang out alone. We had to be with a bunch of people, and I could not even sit next to him because it would be too obvious if someone had noticed us.
I was so paranoid that I did not allow him to pick me up from my house every time we wanted to go out together.
We had to get my close friend to pick me up and drop me off at our meeting spot, which was such a hassle. We could not meet if my friend was not free to pick me, and could only meet when we had classes in college.
Every time we went out together, I would lie about it to my dad saying that I was going to meet a bunch of friends to do assignments together.
The day my dad found out about us
However, there came a day when my dad found out about us. That day too, changed my life forever.
When I got home, my dad sat me down in the room, and interrogated me for 2 hours, asking me to admit if I had a relationship with him.
I denied it for 2 hours, till I could not take it any longer. Eventually, I told my dad the truth. I told him that I was in love with this boy and I want to be with him.
My dad lost his temper, and told me that I was a huge disappointment and a disgrace to the family.
He asked me how is it possible that I can date someone that is not of the same religion, what would my kid’s religion be?
Lastly, he told me if I ever got married to this guy of different religion, he would disown me.
[Photo from Elite Readers]
At this point, all my hopes and dreams with this guy were crushed.
The next thing I had to do was to tell him what happened, and I was afraid that he would not be able to see me the same way again, and he would hate my family for this and I would not have a chance with him ever.
I cried all night, struggling and trying to figure out a solution to this.
My dad locked at home for three days
The next worst thing happened next. My dad locked me home for 3 days.
I could not go to college, I could not go out to meet my friends and I was not even allowed to play sports or even reply or answer to that guys text messages.
But at this point, I had to at least tell this boy what had happened. So I spoke to him on the phone and told him what had happened at home.
He said although he is going to be sad about it, he would be willing to end things, as he did not want to cause me any troubles with my family.
I cried on the phone as I really missed him and did not want to lose him, but he told me the decision was up to me, and he was willing to work this out even if it was going to be hard for us.
How could I leave a guy that is so nice and caring to me? He did nothing wrong. He only had a different religion, which I can accept but not my family.
I was forced to decide between choosing him or my family. But I guess love is blind, of course. So, I chose to work things out with him in secret again.
This time, I swore to be much more careful.
After 3 days of being locked at home, my dad finally allowed me to go to college for classes.
But he had already planned on switching me to another college, so that I would not have to meet this boy anymore.
I was upset about it, but I did not say anything just yet. I was just glad to be able to go back to college again.
[Image via Element5 Digital]
The day my dad met my boyfriend
The next day, both my parents left to work as usual, so I told this boy to come over and pick me up for classes since my dad would not be around.
He was excited to see me and come pick me up, and I was too. The minute he arrived, I rushed out of my house happily, and got into his car.
But I guess luck wasn’t on my side that day, because my dad forgot something, and decided to turn back.
Yes, he saw us together. This time, all I could think of in my head was, “We’re both so dead!” I told this guy to drive off quickly, and I would figure this whole situation out by myself.
My dad kept calling me after I had left, and I answered. He said he wants the two of us to come back and meet him at a nearby restaurant.
I really did not want to, as I did not want this guy to get into trouble, but this nice person I love, said he wouldn’t mind meeting my dad, since we’re both caught red handed now.
And so, we did.
We arrived at the restaurant, and my dad was sitting there with an angry look, my heart was beating so fast because I was afraid that he would give this guy a piece of his mind.
[Image via AskIITians]
Surprisingly this guy was so cool about it. We sat down in front of my dad, and it was an awkward silence.
My dad then started off with him finding out about us and what had happened, and he told him to stop dating me, or else he would have to see his parents about it, and that if he saw us together again he would call the cops.
I was so scared at this point, because I knew this was over between us. I was going to lose him, and I was going to be sad forever.
After this conversation, my dad left, and he said for today, we can go to college together. We both sat in the car, clueless. I cried, while he teared when I said we should end things.
We then spoke for about a few hours and he said, “Please don’t give up, we’ll work this out again.” That was when I knew he really loved me and wanted to be with me.
The aftermath
We continued our college days together for 3 years in secret but sadly, life was not always easy.
He eventually found his passion in playing futsal, and decided to pursue it, and he had no time to spend with me.
My doubts and insecurities grew, and it led us to recurring arguments, and then he finally gave up.
We tried keeping in touch, as we had the same bunch of friends, but it was hard. Eventually when I saw someone else, he did not like it, and me the same.
So, we parted ways.
After a few months, we met up again, and it felt like the first time.
There was still chemistry between us, we laughed and played like our old selves and I felt like I fell for him all over again. But we just weren’t meant to be.
Months have passed by, and we have not spoken since then. And then one day, he posted a picture of him with his new girlfriend. My heart broke into pieces.
That day changed my heart instantly. I knew I had to move on to find my happiness.
But till today, he will always be known as the love of my life.
For more stories like this, read: I Was In A Situationship – Why I Stayed Till The End and Single at 30: What the ‘No Plus-One’ Life Taught Me.
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