This is a story of a young mother who gave up her adventurous lifestyle to be at home with her kid. After giving birth, she slowly noticed signs of depression and found it hard to enjoy motherhood.
Ever since I was a young girl, I knew I wanted to travel. I loved exploring new cultures and meeting new people. When I turned 18, I immediately applied to be a stewardess on Singapore Airlines.
I was young, beautiful and I had a killer body. I was accepted immediately and fit right in. Within four months, I had graduated from the training program and was officially part of the cabin crew.
I still remember my first flight was to Tokyo, Japan. The freedom I felt was beyond anything I’ve experienced.
I was a cabin crew for 3 years, travelling everywhere from Stockholm to South Africa to India, I visited so many different countries.
I made friends and acquaintances from all over. Days that I didn’t work I would hit the hottest nightclubs, have hot romances and the next day I would fly off. Not a worry in the world.
I fell in love and everything changed
When I was 21, I went on holiday to Redang Island, with a group of my cabin crew friends. A bunch of young, hot, attractive single adults. There, I met an older guy, about 20 years older than me.
He was a business man and had come to the island to recharge. He liked diving and was on a holiday for himself. We met at the bar, and hit it off immediately. The next day, I woke up with him, and he took me out for lunch.
There was something about him that I found really attractive. I liked the way he was sure of himself, and how he showed that he cared about me.
We kept in contact after we left, and he would check up on me every now and then.
He was a business man often travelling for work, and I was also in a different country almost every other day. We kept talking, he kept sending me gifts in different countries, reminding me of his presence.
Once, when I checked in in Dubai, there was a bouquet of flowers waiting for me in my room. He had somehow contacted the hotel and arranged it from halfway across the world. I was smitten.
Unexpected News
Two months had gone by when I found out I was pregnant.
I knew immediately it was his. I felt extremely conflicted because while I was slowly falling for this man, I wasn’t ready to give up my lifestyle of adventurous travelling.
I called him and immediately told him what happened. I was surprised and delighted to hear his excitement.
He said he has always wanted to be a father but had never found the right time or woman.
We made plans to meet back in Malaysia, as I was visiting family.
After meeting and talking to him, I felt much more assured to go through the pregnancy as he seemed supportive of it. He said we can get married and start a life together.
He was accomplished and could provide for me and the baby and told me not to worry about anything.
He said he would take care of the both of us, I just had to look after myself and the baby.
I told my parents, and while they weren’t delighted, they were happy to hear that he was going to marry me and take care of us.
We had a somewhat rushed wedding, as my parents didn’t want people to talk about me getting pregnant outside of marriage. My bump was still small, and as a petite woman, I could get away with it.
Everything changed overnight
He wanted us to live in Vietnam, where he and his family are based. He has an older sister who has cancer, and he wanted to live close to her.
Within a month and a half, I had quit my job, and moved to Vietnam. He had a beautiful penthouse condominium located at the city center. He gave me a generous monthly allowance, and he even hired a driver for me so I could go out comfortably.
In the beginning I was happy. I was living a great life, and my lifestyle was envied by many.
When friends had a stopover in Vietnam, we would meet up and go for lunch or dinner. I spent my days shopping and getting pampered at spas and salons during my pregnancy.
My husband continued to travel a lot for work. When I gave birth, he was in Europe, closing a very big deal, and only made it back 2 days later. At that time, his mother looked after me.
Between the language barrier and not having my husband around, that was when I started to feel lonely. I didn’t have my family around, nor any friends.
Postpartum was hard on me. I was trying to be a good mother, yet I had no idea how to.
My mother came to visit for a month, and that was one of the best times I had. After she left, I fell into my depression again.
My husband would come for short periods of time to visit us, but for the majority of the time, it just felt like it was me and my daughter.
We would go for baby classes, or go walk around the park or the mall. My loneliness kept growing.
In the end, I was envious of others
I would see my friends post their pictures and videos of their adventurous nights out or skiing in the Alps.
The next day, the same friend would be experiencing the nightlife in Berlin. Here I was day after day, having to take care of my daughter.
Don’t get me wrong, I love her and she’s my life, but I miss not having to be responsible.
I miss getting blackout drunk and waking up in a new country.
Now, all I do is clean toys, change diapers and watch cartoons. My husband is always busy and even when he comes home, his mind is somewhere else.
He doesn’t send roses anymore and doesn’t surprise me with date nights. I have no motivation to explore anything or do something fun, because I know, for at least the next 16-17 years, my duty as a mother needs to come first.
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