Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
Not that anybody wants to admit it, but a lot of us have had at least a single one night stand at some point in our lives. Done right, these can be an incredible experience as a chance to get to know someone in the bedroom without strings or baggage.
Unfortunately, there are those one nights we are grateful that will never be repeated due to the all-around awkward cringe of the experience.
These are 7 Malaysian stories and confessions about their worst one night stands:
1. My one night stand made an awkward video game reference with his roommate
I was a university student studying game development. A few drinks had been had, and I hooked up with a guy who was in his first year, super cute and a little bit awkward. All was going very well until right at the end of it.
We were lying on his bed and cuddling when we suddenly heard his male roommate screaming “MORTAL KOMBAT!” And then the guy I was with screamed right back, “Finish HIM!” in response!
It took a few moments to catch the video game reference that had us in giggles for several minutes. Imagine my surprise a few hours later, as we were both dressed and having a drink in the living room when said roommate and his boyfriend emerged from their room… Awkward doesn’t begin to cover it!
2. I was mistaken for a sex worker
I was in my mid-20s when I met this guy at a bistro bar place in Taman Tun. He had short black hair and tortoiseshell glasses that caught my eye from across the bar. I managed to make some flirty eye contact with him and he was over like a shot.
A little bit of flirting and a few drinks later we were in his car, heading back to his place. We got back to his place and things were going pretty well. We were a little bit drunk, but I had a lot of fun. However, what made the night most memorable was when he asked me one question:
“Do you… like… how much do I owe you for this?”
I froze, the mood totally destroyed as I took in the reality of actually being mistaken for a sex worker. I got dressed and left immediately.
3. I accidentally answered my one-night stand partner’s phone call from her father
I had been seeing this girl casually for a few months. We’d been on a few dates but it wasn’t serious and we both knew it.
One night we were out, had a few drinks. We ended up going back to her place since it was just closer. We were both a little drunk but I remember asking her if I could charge my phone since my phone was at 1% and I would probably be calling a Grab before she woke up. I charged my phone and the rest of the night went well.
The following morning at about 7 AM, I woke up to the sound of a phone ringing on the bedside table. So I rolled over, still half asleep and blinded by the sun. It was my father calling me.
My parents know better than to call me at the crack of dawn. Jolted awake by worry, I picked it up and in my deep, groggy morning voice said, “Morning, what’s up?”
The man on the other end of the phone goes silent for a long moment and suddenly shouts, “WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU?!” I dropped the phone in surprise. In my scramble to pick it off the floor I suddenly realised that this iPhone is white. Mine is black.
That’s when I realized that my phone was face up, unplugged with a 50% charge, and still sitting on the bedside table.
In my panicked state, I hung up, deleted the call from her phone log, called my Grab, and got the hell out of there. I spoke to her a few days later and everything was fine so I’m not sure who dodged a bullet there.
4. He had an asthma attack in the middle of sex
I met up with this guy who was fit, attractive, and funny. I ended up inviting him back to my place. We started having sex and we were doing it with him from behind.
His breathing was really heavy and after a couple of minutes, I realized that his breathing was getting worse: heavier and heavier… and then he started choking. I had to stop and ask if he was okay.
I flipped on a bedside light and realized that he was slightly pale and that his lips were turning a shade of blue or off-white kind of color. Between strangled breaths, he managed to gasp out three words, “Lefffftt…pocccckket…. Inhhaaaalleeerrrr…”
I found it, helped him sit up, and helped him take three hits from his Ventolin Inhaler. He wanted to KEEP f*cking but I stopped it so that he could catch his breath and not die in my dorm room!
Embarrassed, he went home. We had arranged to meet up again because in spite of everything I still thought he was cute and “extremely f*ckable.” Sadly, embarrassment got the better of him and I haven’t heard from him in 6 months.
5. We completely failed at having sex
I was friends with this incredibly cute girl within our friend circle who was well known to love hooking up and no strings attached sex. I’ve known her since we were in secondary school together and, to be fair to her, she has NEVER wrecked any relationship.
We were out with a group of friends and she was telling me how she hasn’t gotten laid in a while and “desperately needs to get that itch scratched.” I grin at her, and half-jokingly remind her that “Hello! Single right now!” Imagine my surprise when she took me up on that offer.
It was the worst sex ever for both of us. We tried everything from oral sex to watching porn but nothing we did worked! It seems like we are just not sexually compatible with each other. We spent half the night trying to make “tab-A-fit-into-slot-B” but everything was just so meh.
She finally sighed and said, “You know… this just isn’t working.” I couldn’t believe it but I was actually in complete agreement with her. We spent the rest of the night cuddling, watching Friends reruns via Netflix before falling asleep next to each other.
Looking back on it, I’ve never been so happy to NOT get laid. If we had gone through with it, I think it would have destroyed that friendship. It’s been almost 20 years, and we still occasionally joke about it.
6. My one night stand was interrupted by a huge fight… and the truth
Women can do some pretty crazy things when it comes to getting even. I should know. I got caught in a passive-aggressive war between two young women and I still shudder when I think about it.
I met Farah at a bar, we talked, we drank, you know how this song and dance goes. We got back to her place, got into bed, and things were going well until the bedroom door burst open, and the lights snapped on!
Suddenly there’s another girl (for clarity, I’ll call her Judy) in the room, screaming at the top of her lungs for Farah to get out of HER bed. I literally roll off the bed, and grab my clothes. I was getting dressed quietly in a corner of the room as these two women were screaming at each other.
I hear enough to put some of the pieces together: clearly, the two were roommates. Farah was pissed at Judy because Judy stole her boyfriend. Farah’s idea of revenge was to hook up with any guy that caught her fancy and do the deed in Judy’s bed.
One glance around the room confirmed it: Judy was in the pictures with no sign of Farah anywhere.
I watched as Judy lunged with hands outstretched to claw Farah’s eyes out and that’s when an all-out fight happened! I managed to hop out of the way and out of the room. I just hightailed it out of there!
7. My worst one night stand was my last one
My last one-night stand was with a girl from work. We were out with a couple of colleagues celebrating successfully closing a multi-million dollar contract. We had hit it off well as colleagues, working really well together.
We got to chatting that night over dinner, and as the drinks kept coming I felt that we really hit it off. In the end, we went back to my place. Things were going well and we were having a lot of fun, but her phone would not stop ringing. I eventually told her to answer it.
Turns out it was the police. One of her best friends had been in a major car accident and was in the emergency room. Her friend was in a bad way. That literally ended our night right there.
As we were at my place, I told her to get dressed and that I’d take her to the hospital directly. We’d figure out collecting her car and everything else later. It was a long time in the waiting room and we had a lot of bad 7-11 coffee and snacks from the outlet downstairs.
At the end of several hours of waiting, we got good news: her friend had made it through surgery and should make a full recovery. With a sigh of relief, and since the parents had arrived, we were able to leave the hospital.
We didn’t talk about or plan it, but I drove back to my place and fell asleep together on my bed, fully clothed. This was the worst and also the final one night stand that I would have in my life, because we have been together for 14 years and married for 10.
Sometimes, the worst isn’t quite the worst is it?
One night stands are meant to be about having a great time with someone new, without any strings or baggage. But rarely, the worst of them can lead to something new and incredible too.
Stay safe in your encounters and keep an open mind to the possibilities that they could lead to!
For more stories like this, read: 5 Malaysians Share Their Petty Revenge Stories Against Horrible Neighbours and 5 Toxic Traits That Are Normalised In Malaysia’s Dating Scene.
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