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Over one-third of Malaysian women have been harassed, stalked by men, or assaulted, according to one study conducted in 2019. In the current year, IRL correspondent Sathyashini asked women in Malaysia to share their stories.
1. Zara: “I was followed to the carpark by an older man in a shopping mall”
My name is Zara* and I’ve always wanted to be a scientist cause I loved physics and maths. My ambition is to work in either energy conservation or astronautics.
I have always been close to my parents and felt safe and happy whenever they were around. They shaped me into becoming an outspoken woman who always had a voice.
I’ve never been made to feel small and scared, until the day I started being followed by older men.
That time, I was 16 and went to the mall that is nearby my house. I had gone to the stationery shop to get some art supplies.
A man, probably in his 40s, was just there walking around. He saw me and smiled. I smiled back because I did not want to come off as rude to a stranger.
Then I noticed, every time I went to a different aisle, he was there, apparently looking at some supplies. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence but when it kept happening, again and again, I knew something was up.
I quickly bought everything I wanted and left the store as fast I could, thinking that he would not follow me outside the store.
But he did. He started walking a couple of feet behind me around the mall.
I knew my sister was in the parking lot, waiting for me, so I started walking faster, hoping he would leave me alone. I could not even call my sister to come and walk with me because I did not have any credit on my phone.
Since this was at night, the mall was quite empty too. That did not help matters, it made me feel so scared and uncomfortable — he could do anything to me, and no one would be around to help.
I exited the mall, nearly jogging at this point, and scanned the parking lot, hoping to find my sister’s car as soon as possible.
For some reason, she had parked her car somewhere further out, so I was frantically walking around what felt like 20 minutes (it was actually probably around 5 minutes) looking for it.
I stole a glance behind me and saw out of the corner of my eye a dark figure roughly 20 paces behind me.
Luckily, right after that, I found her car.
He saw me walking towards the car and getting inside. When he realised he could not do anything to me since I was with an adult, he acted natural, as if he was not following me and turned around to walk back inside while my sister just drove off.
2. Sonia: “A group of construction workers started following me all the way to the LRT station”
Hi, I’m Sonia. I have a lot of hobbies such as reading and painting. If I had to eat one kind of food every day, it would be butter chicken. As a child, I was outgoing and did not mind talking to anyone, but that has changed over time.
I knew assaulters and harassers were bad people, but never realised it could be literally anyone until I was 15.
I started getting harassed by men, and I would constantly get catcalled when I walked on the streets.
I used to live near a LRT station, so sometimes that is how I would go to college. I would have to walk through a construction site. One day, there were a group of middle-aged construction workers that started catcalling.
I pretended I could not hear and just kept walking. They were whistling and saying stuff. However they were not satisfied with just catcalling, so they decided to follow me.
The group of men decided to follow me to the LRT. Since I was alone, I was too scared to confront them; first of all, they were way bigger than me and secondly, I was outnumbered. So I just started walking faster and faster.
The moment I saw the station, I ran inside. Luckily it was crowded, so they did not enter. Ever since then, I have never taken the train to go to college or to come back home. I would just wait for my aunt to come and pick me up, even though I’d have to wait for hours sometimes.
Now, I’ve developed a fear of men. Even being alone with a man or standing up for myself to a man is something that frightens me. I never know what their intentions are and what they can do.
Vivian: “A group of men tried to grab me and then started stalking me.”
My name is Vivian, I am a first-year business student. I have a small online business and would really like to expand it into bigger things when I am finished with my studies.
Coming from an all-girls school, I used to be curious about boys. But as I got older, a few experiences made me realise that men could be misogynist, manipulative and sexist.
It happened in 2018, New Year’s Eve. I was in a club with a few friends of mine and just having fun until a group of men came and grabbed my butt.
They tried to start talking to us, but I just glared at them and said “No.” We decided to leave the club and go somewhere else since we had to find our friends.
These men decided to follow us. Everywhere we went, for around 15 minutes, they kept following us around and asking us if they could join us.
We asked our male friends who were with us to talk to them since men tend to respect other men more than women, but this time they did not care.
They were just determined to join our night. They would even try to grab us when they were following us around and pull me away from my friends.
Eventually, our male friends told them to go away sternly, so they got tired of trying to change our mind and walked off.
We live in a patriarchal world, where a lot of women’s issues get swept under the rug. If I were to share this amongst my guy friends, they would say, “Good thing you had male friends around.”
But that’s not the point. Why should men be allowed to harass women with no consequences except when the girls’ male friends are around?
This issue just keeps getting swept under the rug, and nothing gets changed.
Alina: “I was stalked by men in my own neighbourhood.”
My name is Alina. I have always loved debating and listening to perspectives from other people. My parents have always allowed me to reason with them and express my ideas. Due to that, we have a strong relationship that is built on trust and communication.
I was 14, just walking around my condominium when this group of guys started catcalling me. For some reason, they thought it would be fun to chase me.
I got so scared and I started running, I ran up the stairs and found a small place to hide.
Image by Diana Cibotari from Pixabay
They came to the area I was hiding but could not find me. I could hear one of them say, “Where did she go?
I was terrified. Thoughts of what-ifs kept running through my mind. I was trying to be as quiet as I could so that they would not find me.
After a couple of minutes, they gave up and left.
When I was younger, men used to objectify me or harass me, calling me “sexy” and I thought it was a compliment, that it meant they liked me.
It was only recently that I realised that it’s not a compliment but an insult.
It’s coming from a place of disrespect. I understand now that those men do not respect me enough to understand consent, and I despise anyone who does not give me the respect I deserve.
I dream to make the world a safer place. It does not matter how long it takes, or even if the impact I make is a slight one, as long as I make a difference.
For more stories like this, read: My Boss Touched Me Inappropriately And Tried To Kiss Me Even After I Said No and Men, No Always Means No. Here’s My Experience of Being a Woman in Malaysia
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