This story is shared by Zaki (anonymised) a M’sian man who discovered first-hand the devastating consequences of spending above one’s means to please their partner.
I’m not proud of what happened to me. Sharing this feels like tearing open an old wound, but maybe someone else can learn from my mistakes.
My name is Zaki, and this is the story of how I got myself into RM40,000 of debt over a girl I thought I loved.
The Beginning of Us
I met Sofia during a friend’s Raya open house. She was one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever met. When our mutual friend introduced us, her laughter and personality pulled me in like a magnet.
I asked for her number and we started dating.
Sofia was 23 and was studying Business Administration in UITM. She talked about her dreams—traveling the world, growing her career, and eventually starting a family. I loved her confidence and ambition. It was so much bigger than mine.
At 30, I was just a simple technician earning RM4,500 a month. My biggest splurge was a weekend trip to Hat Yai every few years.
But something about her made me believe I could be more—someone worthy of a woman like her.
Building a Relationship
In the first few months, everything was perfect. I took her out to simple places I loved—secret cafes, a weekend trip to Melaka, things like that. She seemed to enjoy it, and was always grateful.
But then, small hints started slipping into our conversations.
“My friends just came back from Bali. Their trip looked so fun. Have you been?” she asked one night while scrolling through Instagram.
I told her I hadn’t. “We’ll go one day,” I promised, even though I wasn’t sure how I’d afford it.
Then there was her birthday. She casually mentioned seeing a handbag she liked online. “It’s only RM800, but it’s okay—maybe one day when I graduate.” She never directly asked me, but I wanted to make her happy.
I scraped together my savings to buy it for her. When I handed it to her, the joy on her face made me feel like the most important man in the world.
The Debt Begins
As our relationship grew, and I showered her with more gifts, she started having expectations. Her requests became more frequent and more expensive. One day, she called me in tears, saying her PTPTN loan hadn’t been disbursed, and she couldn’t pay her semester fees.
“I don’t know who else to ask,” she sobbed.
I didn’t hesitate. I withdrew RM2,000 from my savings and transferred it to her.
Then it was RM4,000 for a new phone because her old one had “died completely.” The following month, it was another RM1,000 for another handbag. “I need one for when I’m out with you,” she said. “I don’t want people to think you’re not taking care of me.”
By the six-month mark, my savings were gone.
One day, I tried to put my foot down. “Sofia, I can’t afford this anymore,” I told her.
Her mood flipped instantly. “You don’t care about me, do you? If you can’t even do this for me, how can I trust you to take care of me in the future?”
She stopped replying to my messages for a week. No texts. No calls. I was desperate. I couldn’t focus at work, wondering if I’d ruined everything. Finally, I bought her a pair of shoes she’d been eyeing and dropped them off at her place with a note.
That same night, she texted, “You’re the best, sayang. I was so hurt, but you proved you care.”
And just like that, she was back in my life.
A Year of Manipulation
This was a pattern that repeated over the next year.
Whenever I tried to stand up for myself, she would shut me out. If I didn’t give in to her requests, she’d block me on WhatsApp, ignore my calls, and leave me drowning in guilt.
The silence would stretch for days, sometimes weeks, until I caved. I’d scrape together money I didn’t have, buy her the thing she wanted, and beg her to forgive me.
“I just need to know you’re serious about us,” she’d say each time. “I’m not asking for much.”
But she was. By then, I was using my credit card for everything—dinners, shoes, concert tickets. Recently, the kpop group iKON had a concert in Malaysia. She loved them. So I spent RM1,500 on her tickets and allowance.
To save money, I just bought it for her without going myself. Let her enjoy herself, I thought.
This kept going, and when my credit limit maxed out, I applied for a personal loan of RM10,000.
“Why are you so stressed all the time?” she asked once when I tried to explain my financial worries. “It’s just money. You can always earn more. But I can’t get these years of my life back.”
The South Korea Dream
Around our one-year anniversary, Sofia came up with a new request.
“Sayang, let’s go to South Korea,” she said, showing me Instagram photos of influencers in Seoul. “It’s my dream destination. Imagine the memories we’ll make!”
I was already RM30,000 in debt by then. But she insisted this trip would be the ultimate proof of my love.
“Do this for us,” she said, resting her hand on mine. “Show me you’re serious about our future.”
I agreed, maxing out my second credit card to book the flights and hotels.
But deep down, I felt uneasy. I wanted to know that this trip meant something—that we were moving toward something real.
So a week before we were supposed to leave, I brought up the idea of getting engaged.
“I’m not ready. Why would you ask this before our trip?”
I told her I wanted to know this was heading somewhere. To that family she said she wanted.
She went quiet.
The Final Betrayal
The weeks leading up to our South Korea trip were filled with mounting pressure. Sofia wouldn’t answer my texts or calls, and my heart was a wreck.
I decided to try one more time to win her back. I went to the nearest jewelry store, bought her a Pandora bracelet with some charms as add-ons that cost me another RM3,000, and dropped it off at her place with a handwritten note.
But this time, there was no reply. Days turned into a week, and still nothing.
One evening, while aimlessly scrolling Instagram, I came across a post that made my heart sink. Sofia was at Nobu, a pic of her, smiling, in a beautiful dress over her meal. Someone sitting opposite her took that photo.
I knew she couldn’t afford a place like that. My stomach churned. I decided to confront her.
The Truth
I texted Sofia. I said please, talk to me this one time. After this talk, I promised I wouldn’t bother her again. I called her, and she picked up.
“Zaki, what do you want?”
I asked her about the Instagram post. “Who’s he, Sofia?”
She didn’t even try to deny it. “He’s someone who can give me what I deserve, Zaki,” she said.
“You’re a good guy, but let’s face it—you’re lazy. You’ve been an employee your whole life. He owns his own business. He’s driven. I see a future with him.”
Her words hit me harder than any physical blow could. “So, everything I’ve done for you…was it all for nothing?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I didn’t ask you to do it. You chose to. And honestly, Zaki, I think it’s time you start focusing on your own life. We’re done. Putus.”
Picking Up the Pieces
The next few months were the darkest of my life. I was RM40,000 in debt and heartbroken. I had to move out of my condo and rent a room with younger people who were just starting out in the working world.
I sold my car and switched to a motorcycle to make the minimum payments on my loans. But even that money is quickly dwindling down. I’ve been considering going to an ah long but I know that’s a bad move. Still, what choice do I have?
Sofia ruined my life, but hopefully, you learn from my lesson. Never give in to a woman who’s just after your money. No amount of money will ever be enough.
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