Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes only.
Losing your virginity is something that happens to everyone. It’s part and parcel of life and growing up. If you feel like you’re the last virgin on earth because you’re in your 20s and haven’t lost it yet, don’t worry: Malaysians tend to lose it (on average) in their early to mid-20s.
For many people, their first experience is painful, uncomfortable, and memorable for all the wrong reasons. That is the BIGGEST myth about the first time: sex will hurt.
Minor discomfort is common, but if there is that kind of pain, something else is going on, and a visit to the doctor should be your top priority.
After asking around discreetly, here is our curated collection of ideas and suggestions to make losing your virginity more pleasurable and memorable with minimal discomfort while staying protected.
We will skip the basics of biology, assume that you know how things work, and have also figured out the necessary precautions to protect yourself from sexually transmitted illnesses (STIs) and pregnancy.
If not, please do this before getting horny and naked:
1. Figure out what you like
Get familiar with your own anatomy and masturbate somewhere private. Yes really. You need to understand your own anatomy, so you know what feels good for you so that you can talk to your partner and explain what you like.
Feel free to also share what you don’t like in advance too. This precious knowledge can make that first time better for both of you.
2. Talk to each other beforehand
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“Talk about what you both expect and want from this. Talking it out can help decrease nerves and set realistic expectations. Whether your partner wants to “get it over with” or take it very slow and make it especially memorable and romantic? Find out, and plan accordingly,” Faizal shared.
Yes, it can be embarrassing to admit that you are a virgin or that you’re not sure what you’re doing. But you must practice open and honest communication to ensure you can be comfortable with each other.
3. Realistic expectations
Guys feel like they need to last “a long time” during sex before they can finally have their orgasm. What happens the first time is probably going to be anything but!
You might feel like you’ve failed at sex if you don’t give your partner an orgasm that first time. But sex is a skill you will improve over time and with practice. It’s about learning and mastering the relevant techniques.
The first time you have sex might be good, average, or bad, but it does not define your skills or abilities as a lover or what sex will be like for the rest of your life.
4. Be sober
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“The first time you do anything, you should have all your wits about you!” explained Natalie, “A drink or two will help calm the nerves, maybe set the mood, but if you’re drunk, you’re more likely to hurt yourself, your partner, and possibly even not remember the experience at all!” That kind of defeats the whole point of this.
5. Foreplay
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“Foreplay is important. Please don’t skip it. The main event is pointless without that!” said Vincent. “You want to relax, feel excited, and set the experience’s mood.” Foreplay does all that for everyone involved, heightening the anticipation and excitement of sharing such an intimate experience.
Foreplay includes everything from light kisses, cuddling and making out, to watching a little porn or just talking about what you want to do, experience and share. Communicate, and discover what you both enjoy to build anticipation and excitement for the main event.
Foreplay should be at least half the fun!
6. Slow the pace
Sex is exciting, and there is always this feeling, a need to go fast and get to the main event. But slow and steady is definitely what will win the sex race. When you start slow, with gentle motions and light touches, you have room to change up the speed and tempo of things to add variety during foreplay.
During sex, always take it slow when it comes to penetration, giving various muscles time to get accustomed to the feeling of being penetrated. This will also help ease discomfort and prevent pain.
Not to mention that slowing down also allows you to savour and enjoy every physical sensation in detail.
7. Use lubricant
There is always time for lubricant. Use it, and be generous with it because water-based lubricants can evaporate over time. Everyone has a much better time by making things easier and less uncomfortable, everyone has a much better time.
It can help ease discomfort and decrease pain and make everything feel 100% better for both of you, especially that first time!
Just remember to use a water-based lubricant and not an oil-based one. Oil-based lubricants can cause condoms to tear, making them useless.
8. No gymnastics
Stock image used for illustrative purposes only.
Forget what you saw in that porno video one time!
Keep to simple positions that will feel comfortable (missionary, cowgirl, spooning, or over-the-shoulders) and also allow for some emotional connection to develop between the two of you.
Vary your positions to find out what feels right for you and your partner. Here’s hoping you find a position that is immensely pleasurable for you both!
9. Communicate DURING sex
Hollywood and other movies make it seem like sex is a marathon-type event where people don’t talk except for grunts and moans of ecstasy.
Talking to your partner can make things way more fun and more pleasurable and also ensure that they are enjoying what is going on and not in any pain or discomfort. Who knows, maybe they want to try something new?
10. Don’t Chase the Orgasm
Stock image used for illustrative purposes only.
It’s your first time, and if you have followed our advice, your partner knows this and will help you focus on the experience, the sensations, and on learning what both of you like and enjoy to make the first time a treasured memory for both.
There is already enough to focus on without adding that to the mix. So have sex, enjoy the experience and let the orgasms come naturally.
The bottom line
Sex for the first time should not be painful, and if you’ve taken reasonable precautions, you can minimize your discomfort and maximize the pleasure for you and your partner.
Your first time, however it goes, is not the yardstick to measure future sexual experiences with. It takes time, practice, and experience to become good (preferably great) at sex, but you can get there eventually.
For more stories like this, read:
Dear Women, Here Are 13 Dating Secrets Malaysian Men Won’t Tell You
“My Parents Didn’t Even Know Who He Was!” – Malaysian Couple Eloped After Dating For 2 Months
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