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What happens when one finds themselves being sexually harassed by someone in a higher position, but there’s no proof it happened?
Sarah* (not real name) shared this experience of hers:
“My supervisor asked me to ‘try on’ the new uniforms.”
Sarah: I work in the hospitality industry. It’s normal to get a change in uniforms, and everyone is allowed to choose to wear the size that fits them
One evening, I was called up to the office by my supervisor. I thought it was odd, considering it was late and so close to the end of my shift.
I knocked at his office door. When I went in, there was another one of my male colleagues in there with him.
“Yes, sir? Do you need some help?”
He handed me a collared shirt and asked me to try it on. It was the new design for our uniform.
However, it was size M and I knew it would not fit me so I asked for a larger size. He insisted on me wearing the smaller size right in front of him, in the office where there was another male staff present.
I asked to go change in the women’s toilet, but he refused my request.
“Aiyah, just wear it over your shirt, it’s not like I’m asking you to undress in front of me,” he said, jokingly.
I was flustered and feeling very uncomfortable with this, but I just wanted to get it over with, so I put on the shirt while it was still unbuttoned, draping it over my shoulders.
“He asked me to wear a uniform that was one size too small.”
Image via unsplash
Seeing this, he asked me to button up my shirt. I protested, saying it was already too tight, because I was wearing another shirt underneath.
His ‘request’ turned into an order, so I had no choice but to comply.
I buttoned it up two thirds of the way, leaving the lower half of the uniform free.
“Whoa, this is perfect,” I heard him mutter. At this point, I was convinced that he was a pervert and he just wanted to see my body shape against the tight fabric of the shirt that was 1 size too small.
He tried to get me to button everything up, but it was physically impossible – I was practically bursting out of the uniform.
Then, he told me to turn around.
I was getting really uncomfortable with this and protested.
“Come one, I just want to see what it looks like from the back. It’s not like I want to look at your ass,” my supervisor said.
Feeling exposed, I ended up doing as he told me and turned sideways to show him where the uniform was exposing myself.
I asked him, “Where are the size L’s?”
He told me the only sizes available were M and XXXL, those were my only choices, and therefore I had to decide between these two sizes.
After I buttoned up the uniform, he even asked me to wear an apron over it. Of course that’s going to outline the shape of my bust even more.
“After I complained to HR, he said that I was playing the victim.”
Image via unsplash
Finally, I snapped.
“I’m not wearing this. If you insist, you can have the uniform back and my resignation letter,” I told him.
Suddenly an L size magically appeared and he handed it to me.
I thought to myself, “Well, well, well. A size L magically became available. I even told him from the beginning that I can’t fit in a size M uniform. And yet he insisted I try it on in front of him.”
What more, I was afraid because I hadn’t brought my phone to the office at level 2. I was too busy wondering why he was asking me to go up to see him.
I was fuming when the whole ordeal was finally over. I should have brought my phone with me.
The first people I told about this were my friends. They advised me to report this to the manager, or at the very least make it public on social media.
Sarah shared her experience on Twitter, here’s how netizens responded
Sarah shared her unfortunate experience on Twitter which sparked conversations about workplace sexual harassment.
Her Twitter post caused netizens to come to her defence, some even sharing their own personal experiences with sexual harassment.
Twitter user @pretty_thia shared: “An old man kept pretending to touch my hips by accident”
@pretty_thia:
Same. I’ve been sexually harassed during my practical at a government office. The perpetrator was an old man who lacked any self-awareness. He kept pretending to touch my bust and hips by accident. At that time, I was ‘blur’ and stunned, not knowing what to do. I was still young and innocent back then, hence I was too shy to lodge a complaint.
Twitter user @Farahhann shared: “He’d act as if he was trying to block my way”
@Farahhann:
That’s true. Just like my workplace. Every time I bump into one of the maintenance guys here, for example when I’m about to go for my lunch break, he’d act as if he’s trying to block my way. One day, he suddenly touched my shoulder with the pen he was holding. At that moment, I was in a daze.
I couldn’t help but wonder why he did that. After that incident, I kept feeling uncomfortable whenever I saw him. I’d try my best to avoid him, but we share the same office, so what can I do about it? To this day, I still wonder if my situation was considered harassment.
Even though it was only a pen, I still felt a shiver down my spine.
Sarah’s supervisor saw the Twitter post and made her take it down
Image via unsplash
Sarah’s supervisor saw her Twitter post and posted a rebuttal on his own Twitter. He denied any wrongdoing and accused me of ‘playing the victim’ and ‘bad mouthing him to other people’.
Some of their colleagues took his side and started attacking Sarah, online. They said that there was no way he would dare do something so risky because there were CCTVs in the office.
Others said it was just a light bit of teasing, or melawak as Malay people like to say.
After HR did an investigation and watched the recordings, they concluded that Sarah was acting normal and didn’t look distressed.
“According to the CCTV, it looked like I was putting on a shirt and buttoning it up as normal. But because there was no audio recording, they didn’t hear our conversation and how he kept pressuring me to wear the size he wanted,” Sarah explained.
“I was advised to make a police report, but since the CCTV has no voice recording, I’m scared that the police will turn this against me, because on the CCTV my face looked ‘fine’ even though I was scared inside.”
What To Do If You’re Being Sexually Harassed At Work
Translation: @shhsihain:When we’re being sexually harassed, we would automatically fall into a daze out of fear. Maybe it’s just me. Idk. It’s not like we don’t want to fight back, but we’re afraid. Panicking is also a thing. Even reading about this made me feel afraid for your friend. I hope she’ll be able to find some justice.
If you find yourself in a situation where you were sexually harassed but don’t think people will believe you, here’s what you can do:
- Document it – The trauma of sexual harassment can make it difficult for victims to recall details so it’s best to document everything as soon as it happens. Write it down, record it or talk to a friend immediately. This will be useful as your testimonial if you need to pursue legal action.
- Make your objections clear – Some of us may have problems being assertive, but it’s important to make it clear that their advancements are inappropriate and unwelcome. You can use some phrases such as:
“I don’t want to do that with you.” “That’s not appropriate for the workplace. Please stop.” “You’re making me feel uncomfortable.” - Seek counselling – Harassment, sexual or otherwise is a traumatising experience that everyone processes differently. If you are struggling please seek some professional help or reach out to NGOS such as Befrienders or WAO.
- Make a police report – Even if you’re afraid of being disbelieved, if there are multiple reports, it may eventually be enough for the police to decide to look into it. Alternatively, if the perpetrator is charged for sexual assault in another case, your report may be part of the evidence that leads to prosecution.
For more stories like this, read:
3 Disturbing Times Malaysian Students Were Sexually Harassed In School
Do you have an interesting story ? Email us at hello@inreallife.my
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