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This story is shared by a woman who grew up without her mother after the age of 5 and wanted to share her perspective.
I’m 28 years old now, and I wanted to share this story as a way of seeing things from the child’s perspective. For context, this happened when I was still a young child.
My mother got married young, at 21 years old, in an arranged marriage to my dad, who was 30 at the time. Arranged marriage was and still is fairly common among Indian communities, even in Malaysia.
To be honest, I’m not too sure of how their marriage was from the beginning. My dad always said that he loved her and was excited to start a family. Exactly 9 months after they got married, I was born.
My father caught my mother having an affair.
When I was around 5 years old, my dad caught my mom cheating. He had been growing suspicious as she would often have to work late and would come up with feeble excuses. Over time, he started to look out for signs.
One day, she said that she had an emergency meeting at work, and needed to go out. My dad’s suspicion radar was alerted as it was almost 9pm and he found it really weird that her manager would call a meeting at that hour, especially as she worked as an admin staff.
He told me we were going for a night time drive and we quickly got in the car and raced after her.
For transparency, my mind has blanked out all of this, and I do not have any memory of these events, and they were retold to me, just a few years ago, when I finally approached my dad about the events that happened that night. Childhood trauma is a very real thing that can affect you for years to come.
My father caught my mother in the act.
Back to the events of that night. Apparently my dad followed my mom to a shady hotel in PJ. He saw her stop her car, and a man he didn’t recognize got in.
According to my dad’s retelling of this incident, he asked me to stay in the car, and he got out and approached the parked car.
He found them making out and knocked on the driver’s seat window. It startled my mom and she quickly drove off, with her lover still in the passenger seat. My dad, desperate but not knowing what to do with me still in the car, drove back home.
When my mom reached home that night, a huge fight ensued resulting in my mom packing her bags and telling my dad that she was unhappy and never wanted to be married or have a family, that her parents had forced her to get married and she never wanted kids.
She said she needed to leave and went her own way. My dad did not go after her this time. He told me that he was at a loss, not knowing what to do, with a 5 year old kid to look after. He could not go after her as she had made up her mind and she was certain of her decision.
She never came back after that night. I’m not too sure of the details of how the proceedings went. I just know that when they filed for divorce, my dad got full custody of me.
I’ve never visited or seen my mom since that night.
I grew up just with my dad, who did his very best in being a single father. According to my dad, she ended up married to the guy she had an affair with, but never had any kids.
As for me, I’ve come to accept the reality that is my life. I did get curious in my teen years about who my mother was. My dad was always honest about the fact that she left and did not want to be a mom.
I never had the courage to contact her and I never was contacted by her either. A part of me wants to reach out, before it’s too late and I miss my chance. The other part of me is still angry and hurt.
As a 28 year old that has the freedom to choose whether to get married and have kids, I feel bad that she was not given the choice.
I feel bad that she was forced into marriage and kids because of societal pressure, and I forgive her for the choices that were made.
However, a part of me will always yearn to get to know my mother, who birthed me, who I share DNA with, and from what I’ve heard, we even look alike.
Maybe one day the stars will align and we will meet, but at this age, I’ve learnt to not have any expectations, as it might hurt too much.
What do you think of this story?
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Also read: What I Wish I Knew Before I Cheated On My Wife With A 25 Year Old
What I Wish I Knew Before I Cheated On My Wife With A 25 Year Old
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