Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
Men don’t understand women. To be fair, this actually cuts both ways. Because women don’t understand everything about men either.
Malaysian men share some of the things that they don’t actually know how to explain to a woman.
Men talk about nothing of substance
Women will share details with each other. Whether it’s about the relationship (more on this later), career, or what happened in the latest episode of their favourite TV show. Men, in contrast, can hang out with other guys all day and actually not talk about anything personal or of substance.
Men might talk about sports, TV shows or movies, but we just don’t talk about the personal stuff with each other often. We will, every once in a while, share some of the big highlights of life like new partners or a job promotion.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
“Conversations between men are never that deep, emotional, heartwarming or touching,” explains Syafiq, “It just… isn’t. There are no hidden secrets or anything. We just don’t share those things with the “bros”.”
Perhaps that is the secret to the success of longevity of male friendships: We can’t betray or backstab each other precisely because nobody knows any of the details. It’s also when men can go on three-hour road trips to eat beef noodles in Seremban and drive back to KL without saying a word to each other the entire time.
Men really think you look amazing
A man falls in love with a woman. That means we fall in love with the woman. We don’t care what you are wearing (within reason) because to us there is no woman more beautiful than you. My wife is an airsoft player on weekends, and a chef during the week.
I think she’s beautiful in a chef jacket, and equally beautiful in combat fatigues with a tactical vest rock her preferred AirSoft Rifle.
“So, when a woman asks a man “Does this outfit look ok?” or “How do I look?” and we say, “You look stunning,” we really do mean it.”
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
Then comes the dreaded, “Of course, you’d say that!” At that point, we’re all doing a Star Trek Double Face Palm, thinking, “Why did you ask me, if you aren’t going to believe me?!”
Men don’t share sex details
There is some truth that men are a little bit sex crazed. Yes, men do talk about sex, but we don’t actually go into any kind of detail about what actually happens in the bedroom. Sure, there might be a few crass jokes about different positions, but that is it.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
Most men will actually get a little melodramatic, raise an eyebrow and something like, “Awww…yea…… booooi!” There might be a little high-fiving and back-slapping but that’s it.
Apparently, girls talk in great detail with their besties about what goes on in the bedroom with their partners. Men, don’t.
According to Syafiq, “We don’t actually give details about what our partner’s bodies do look like, or details about what we actually do get up to in the bedroom.”
Men don’t really know what to do with emotions
Men don’t actually bottle things up or hold the emotions in because they want to. In many cases, we don’t know how to express them. Barik was honest about this one:
“The family dog, “Barkless” was old and cancer was killing him. He had maybe a few months left. My sisters, and my mom was crying a little every day because they knew the end was in sight. When we finally euthanized him, I cried loudly and uncontrollably for a few minutes. My sister and mother were “disappointed” that I cried.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes.
“Men…. don’t have emotional role models. I’m 35 and have never seen my father cry on any occasion from weddings to funerals. How is a man supposed to cry anyway? Or show any real emotion?” Women can watch a movie, cry for 15 minutes, go through an entire box of tissue and then be done with it. How do they DO that?! Maybe women can explain that to us.
Men will miss hints and subtle signals. ALL of them.
“If we can miss the subtle signal, we will. If we can miss the hint. We. Will. If it can be rationalized in our brains, it will,” says Derek.
“Men are sometimes stupidly simple. We won’t get mad if the girl we like goes on a date. We’d be upset. Sure. But our thinking is “She found someone? I should have made my move. Asked her, or something.”
Gif used for illustrative purposes.
It gets worse, “She said she wants to hang out alone. Guys hang out alone with another guy friend all the time. Our thinking is, “I’ve got a really good female friend who just wants to hang out!” not “I’ve got a really good female friend who wants to go on a date with me!” said Syafiq.
“Words. Matter,” says Adam.
“Be direct, be open, be honest. There is zero room for misinterpretation. That’s why men use them. Men are trained to assume a girl is NOT into us. A false assumption means we will catch hell for it socially or need legal representation to fight a sexual harassment complaint.”
Men Need Alone Time
This might not be true for all men, but most of us find it necessary to be alone.
Yes, humans are social creatures, and most of the time we’ll lepak at the Mamak and go for a few rounds of DOTA II.
We’ll even watch the odd romantic comedy or something with a woman
But for those of us that need solitude, we need it to transition between different environments, “I used to have a 20-minute drive to work, but it takes me 40 minutes to come home,” admits Adam, “the drive home is 20 minutes. I use the other 20 minutes to sit down, have a coffee, smoke my last cigarette of the day, and compartmentalize. I leave all the work stuff at work so that I won’t snarl, snap and just seem to be annoyed at everyone and everything.”
“I don’t want to subconsciously start mixing the stress of work, with my wife, and family. I want to leave work stress where it belongs. So, when I come home, I need that solitude at the Mamak for 20 or so minutes, to find peace. All my other responsibilities can wait for those 20 minutes.”
We’re not that mysterious. Really.
Men are not a complete mystery. Some things we either don’t know how to explain, or don’t understand why it needs to be explained and sometimes don’t want to explain because it’s embarrassing.
Now ladies, can y’all explain the “dad bod” obsession?
Know anyone with an interesting story to share? Drop us an email at hello@inreallife.my and we may feature the story!
For more stories like this, read:
A Wife, A Female Colleague & A Female Friend Share What Men Do That Completely Annoys Them
I’m A Mat-Salleh ‘Rice Chaser’ & Here’s Why M’sian Women Are The Easiest To ‘Date’
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