Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
(The interviewee took part in a ‘Mirror Work’ experiment, where she stared at her own reflection in the mirror for 5 minutes while repeating positive affirmations. This is her story, after the session.)
When I look in the mirror, I kept hearing that I should be more compassionate toward myself. I need to be proud of myself. Whether it’s my struggle with family, work, or relationships.
And while I’m struggling in all those aspects, at the same time, I’m glad that… I’m grateful because I used to have depression for many, many years. For most of my life, I’ve had depression.
At least, at this point, despite the struggle, I’m no longer in a state of depression.
[image taken by author]
The Hole In My Heart Is Caused In Part By Self-Judgement.
Like, I’m trying, but it’s still not good enough. I thought that I should try harder, but actually, I’ve already tried really hard, even though people couldn’t really see it, people such as my mum or my sister…
[source: pnw production on pexels]
But it stems from the fact that I am a one-of-a-kind individual who cannot succeed in a conventional manner.
I guess, because of the trauma I faced, I had to deal with my internal self first before I could see the result on the outside. And I had to spend many years just repairing my inner self, and I felt like I had come a long way.
What I Want To Be Doing
It’s not like my mom expected me to be a lawyer or doctor. She knew I was an artistic person as a kid, but she hoped that I could be more practical and successful in whatever I chose to do.
[source: cottonbro studio on pexels]
“But after graduating, I realised that… oh, this is not what I wanted to do.”
I had to shift my entire career into yoga, dance, meditation, or basically any kind of spiritual exploration, and that’s a totally different journey. I’m sure that even though it’s not outwardly pressuring me, I get the sense of, “What are you doing?”.
The problem with my mom is that sometimes she’s very sensitive, and I think she thinks that she herself is not good enough. But she is a powerful woman. She did everything by herself growing up. And she compares me with my younger sister.
I Come First
But – I felt it was important to take care of myself, and that is my intention.
You have to love yourself and take care of yourself first. There’s no one else who can love you the way that you can love yourself.
[image taken by author]
You can be a very different person from what they typically know, and sure, they want the best for you, but “the best” is within their own circle of thought and awareness.
The Mirror Work Experiment was organised by Reconnect & Recharge, a wellness and self-care hub that empowers people to lead healthy wholesome and meaningful lives. Head over to this link to find out more about their work.
Do you know anyone with an interesting story to share? Drop us an email at ym.efillaerni@olleh and we may feature the story.
For more stories like this, read:
Here’s Why I Won’t Expect My Kids to Take Care of Me Financially When I’m Older
An Open Letter From A Burnt Out Malaysian Doctor To His Mother
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