Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
Here’s her story.
So, I stayed with a male host, which I normally wouldn’t, for my own safety, but I found this host through an app called CouchSurfing (I normally use WarmShower, where it’s just such an amazing platform where bicycle tourers can find free places to stay, hosted by normal people like you and me), and I felt like Singapore is generally a safe place to be.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
It all started with a minor infraction of my boundaries. He was like, “Oh, is it okay if I watch this show? It’s got sexual content in it.”
So, I thought, well, of course, it’s your home, and the show seemed very artsy at first, so I didn’t think it was very graphic—but then it became very much erotic at some point.
It was just constant little infringements on the boundaries and each one, you could not say “you’re a bad man” for doing that.
Still, it was all definitely leading to the wearing down of my “No’s” and I kept saying “no, I don’t want to have sex with you” and he’d back off like, “Of course, it’s your body”, but he’d try and wear it down again cause he thought he knew better about what’s good for my body. It’s disgusting.
So I ran away to Malaysia and it took me about a week to really acknowledge what had happened. The next day, I had spoken to other cyclists about this happening and they were like, “that’s terrible!” and I thought back, yeah it is terrible.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
But, I stayed in a hotel for the first few days and I think it didn’t help the situation because I was already disconnected from people due to that event in Singapore. When, what would’ve helped was for me to reconnect with other people…
So, I didn’t really enjoy Malaysia for the first few days and I had a bit of a cry one day; I hadn’t slept very much at night because I was so upset. But then, I tried WarmShowers again and I got connected with a lovely family to host me in Putrajaya. They were so welcoming, so kind and so safe that it started to heal my disconnect with humanity.
The Times I Felt Like Giving Up My Cycling Trip
There had been two occasions on this trip where I had complete meltdowns. The meltdown was the one I just told, and the other meltdown was in Australia because I had overestimated how much distance I could cycle every day when I started.
I was just physically fatigued and suddenly, the roads became really narrow and really busy. There was no accommodation for cyclists and the road was on an incline. I was so exhausted, and so frightened by the traffic that I just had a complete meltdown!
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
Tell us about your cycling route.
So my biological grandfather is an Indian man from Darjeeling, India. So I really want to cycle there as a form of personal pilgrimage.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
Other than that, I was also thinking of going from India, to Nepal, to Pakistan and then to Iran. But Iran is not open for Brits or Americans, at all. If we wanted to apply for a Visa, we would have to demonstrate our entire itinerary and have a guide with us at all times. I think it’s espionage prevention.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
There’s a big debate about that because we sort of know that that would be possible. So if we stay with people, we know we’re putting them at risk, but also they know that they’re putting themselves at risk.
Well, in conclusion, I just won’t be going to Iran anyways and I’ll need to find a way to get into the Arab peninsula if that means I’d have to go down to India and find a boat across.
So what was your daily routine while you were doing this cycling trip?
I liked to be on the road by dawn when I’m cycling so I could go more distance every day. The first light of the day is much cooler and I can get a lot more done; there’s generally not as much traffic at that time of the day too.
So I would wake up, pack everything away, basically get ready to get back on the road and I always make sure to have breakfast which I’ve already prepared the night before. I appreciate the breakfasts in Malaysia and Indonesia because of how heavy carb and protein it is, so that could give me hours of cycling before I need to stop.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
My lunch breaks aren’t that long. It usually takes however long I need to get something to eat and then I’m back on the road. I try not to stop for too long.
So with all that in mind, I’m basically doing 100km from when the sun rises until midday.
Which was why Australia especially exhausted me because I was having that mindset. But a friend sent me a message to ask why I was doing that (laughs).
That was the first moment that made me realise I’m just not enjoying it and I’m leaning more towards the objective than I am actually enjoying the journey.
What goes through your mind while you’re touring? What keeps you going?
I actually really enjoy my own company and I like having this opportunity to process a lot of mental things. I learned all the different dialogues in my head indicate different things.
So, for example, when I start getting really crossed about something, or I get that kind of spiky dialogue, it usually means I’m hungry (laughs).
It’s like oh, I don’t think I’m actually angry, I’m just hungry. So I’ll just find somewhere to stop and eat.
I really like having that space.
What have been some of the most memorable moments in your trip so far?
Everyone I’ve met is memorable to me. They are the biggest part of my trip and having those connections with people truly made my trip.
It’s such a bizarre and intense type of connection because you have this very small time to very quickly fall in love and trust each other.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
But there’s also the different landscapes that I got to see. I loved Indonesia. I loved being in a place that seemed quite chaotic but was actually very caring. When you’re cycling over there –even when there’s motorbikes and cars everywhere– you’d notice that everyone is looking out for you.
When you’re at a junction, there’s no standoff about who goes first. You make eye contact and they’d let you go first. That’s not so normal in Western countries! There’s laws of the road that people follow and there’s less people who’d actually respond in the moment.
When really it doesn’t always have to follow “your right of way”, it could also just be a moment of kindness where you’re looking out for people who are more vulnerable.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
In Indonesia, I actually spent the New Years with this group of people who invited me to their New Years Eve party. They spoke little English, and I spoke no Bahasa. But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here, with these people, sitting on their floor and eating their amazing food.
When do you plan to finish this trip?
Well, the (Rugby) Mens’ World Cup starts in September or October of this year.
I think if I put my head down and really went for it, I could be there in time. But, the meaningful element of this trip has been learning to enjoy the journey rather than focusing on the objective. If I happen to miss the match, then I’d probably just fly in for the match (laughs).
I haven’t bought the tickets, so I don’t think that my resolve for now anyways. If I miss it, it’s not the end of the world. There are TVs everywhere and the match would be shown so it wouldn’t be such a huge deal.
Whatever country I’m in, I’m sure I’ll just watch it there.
You’re taking about a year off to do this trip – well, how are you supporting yourself? Are you using your savings?
Well, I had the idea for the trip about four years ago and I’ve been saving since then for this. I would have started in 2020 but of course, Covid happened. But that actually gave me so much more to save up; I got two years of extra savings as well as having mental health resources to start this trip in a much healthier way.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
Can you talk a little bit more about female safety when travelling solo?
So yeah, female safety I think in most places, when you leave the Western world, you will realise that it is very safe. I only faced one issue with safety but that was quite frankly, clearly a situation that could have been prevented. Women know how to keep themselves safe.
There’s a kind of nurturing approach in Asian countries, and I feel that the culture cultivates that.
I think there’s probably more women cyclists in Europe. I know a lot of women who cycle in Europe.
But personally, I like my own company. I like having this space that nurtures me to care for myself in this way.
[source: Finding Joy Cycle on Facebook]
You’re physically moving your body everyday and you’re getting sunlight. All of these things are so good for your health.
If you’re a woman who is used to being in other people’s company, or you haven’t had that challenge of being on your own yet, then cycle touring would give you a huge sense of confidence and the realisation of how strong and brave you are.
What is your advice for future female cycling tourers?
The hardest thing is booking the tickets. Once you decide you want to do it and you’re turning it from a dream to reality, then that’s going to be the hardest bit. It was probably the biggest mental resistance for me to book that first ticket. Just making it real was hard.
When you’re on the road, just take it one day at a time.
When I think about the distance between here and home, it would be overwhelming. But when I think about the distance from here to the ferry, then it’s something I can most definitely do.
I think the thing that I hear most from people is that they wonder if it is safe. Yeah it is safe!
You do have to see the red flags and avoid that. But, there are so many good people out there. I think everyone will tell you that their neighbours are dangerous and scoundrels.
But actually, everyone is mostly kind.
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