Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
I am a 47-year old man from Bangladesh, and came to this wonderful city of Kuala Lumpur at 21 years old in search of a more comfortable future.
I am well aware of the presumptions made about me. I acknowledge that stereotypes about my race and nationality exist very predominantly in Malaysia.
It’s heartbreaking, because I am an IT specialist by profession for a pharmaceutical firm and have been in Malaysia for over 20 years.
I feel unwelcome in my own residential complex
I live in a 1,750 square feet condominium in the heart of Petaling Jaya with my Bangladeshi wife and two daughters, both under the age of 7.
However, because of my nationality, I feel unwelcome in a place where I should feel the safest: my own residential complex.
The community I live in consists of Malaysians, predominantly Chinese. My wife and I are the only foreigners in this neighbourhood, and we encounter skepticism at every corner.
I get the impression that people think that I do not bring any value to their country and community. Racism is so embedded within Malaysians, almost like there is an innate fear that we (foreigners) might bring the country down, or hurt the people around us.
I notice the way you look at me
I know what it feels like to be seen as a criminal in my own condo. I can see the judgment on people’s faces when I go to the grocery store, and every time I ask for help, they don’t seem interested in helping me. When they do talk to me, it is with an attitude.
What they don’t realize is that when they embrace those feelings of negativity, it perpetuates racism.
But what they also don’t realize is that we foreigners notice how judgmental they are of us, even though they may try to hide it.
It’s been over 20 years, and it’s disappointing to say that things have not changed much.
Every day, I am reminded that I am not welcomed
I get questioned all the time about what I’m doing in the elevator of my own condominium. “You datang sini buat apa?” or “Woi pergi mana? Nanti saya report you,” to which I’ve always had to reply, “Saya duduk sini lah. I’m a resident”.
Other times, it comes in the form of a mother telling her daughter to keep a distance from me in my own home, or the dirty looks I get from my neighbour when I greet him in the morning.
I notice people rushing into the elevator to avoid sharing one with my wife and I. I’m aware that people assume I don’t speak English when they approach me.
I always look friendly to put people at ease
When I tapau mixed rice from the hawker stall near my place, I always go in with the biggest smile on my face to assure everyone else that I’m friendly and as much of a human as them.
Despite me visiting the store for 5 years, the aunty who is all smiles and jokes with the Chinese customers in front of me, will instantly show a disdain on her face when she sees me. It truly affects you mentally and emotionally. I just want to be friends.
Since I stepped foot in Malaysia, I have had no idea what it feels like to go about my life without being noticed. Everyone notices the brown man in the room, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t take an emotional toll on you after a while.
Stereotypes are designed to control people
I understand that stereotypes carry an intent.
Bangladeshis, especially males, are often associated with street cleaners, security guards, or construction workers; basically unlavish professions in Malaysia. We are seen as poor immigrants trying to seize any opportunity in a city like KL for an income.
I’ve overheard parents tell their children to stay away from “that black man”. Yes it’s hurtful, but as a father myself, I can understand these parents’ intention, which is to protect their kids.
What I don’t understand is the need to use race as a means to instill fear.
Of course, not everyone is racist
In my years here, I have made some of the most amazing friends, I mean of course naturally I can click with the Bangladeshi community, but I’m talking about the Malaysians. I have some of my closest friends here who are Chinese, Indian and Malay!
So even though I don’t have a blue IC, I will never get tired of this special feeling where many different races can come together and lepak at the mamak, watching football together.
And don’t get me wrong, I’ve also had many pleasant encounters with fellow Malaysians who have given me the privilege of being treated well based on my personality and not my skin colour.
Not once have the mak cik-pak cik I see at the morning markets greeted me without a smile and exchanged banter in all my years whenever I made my weekly trip there.
So of course I’m not generalizing this negativity upon all Malaysians, just like how you shouldn’t on we foreigners too.
I am Bangladeshi, but I am also a human being
I am tired of being discriminated against. I have a profession in IT and I appreciate my secured job. I am not interested in jeopardising any of that just because the people in my condo or the grocery store do not accept me.
I have more to be afraid of by you and your racism than you do of me and my skin colour. I am a father of two girls, and I don’t intend to spend every day for the next 30-40 years of my life being worried sick about whether or not my girls are being treated properly.
I want to have the same comfort and the same rights as everyone else, including in the place I live in. I am a proud Bangladeshi from Khulna City, Bangladesh, but I am also a human being.
My blood is red just like yours, and I want my neighbours to know that although I have a different skin colour, we can still coexist peacefully.
What do you think of this story?
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Read also: I’ve Been a Foreigner in Malaysia for Over 10 Years Here’s Why I’m Leaving
I’ve Been a Foreigner in Malaysia for Over 10 Years, Here’s Why I’m Leaving
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