In 2019, it was found that over one-third of Malaysian women have been harassed or assaulted, and then not taken seriously, a form of victim-blaming. IRL asked women in Malaysia about their stories. Here is one story sent in by an anonymous user.
A couple of years ago, I met a male friend of mine at night in front of my house. I had recently gone through a major breakup and I guess I needed someone to talk to. This guy was close to my ex and a few other friends of mine. So he was no stranger.
Thinking that he was a friend of my ex, he wouldn’t try anything funny with me because of the ‘bro code’ that boys usually had. So, he came over but I didn’t invite him in. I thought since it was late at night, we should just talk outside my house. It seemed more appropriate that way.
We spoke for an hour or so and it was honestly a good conversation. We spoke about relationships (duh, since I just came out of one) and we kind of explained to each other what our perspective of love/relationships meant to us.
It was just a harmless conversation between friends.
We started talking about dating apps and being FWBs
He told me how he was on a dating app and he was there for ‘fun’. As in, FWB kinda thing – no strings attached. And, I too was on the same dating app, but I told him the difference is that I am genuinely looking for love.
I am someone who can’t just get intimate with someone I don’t know. No judgment towards him or whoever is into open relationships/FWB, but that was just me. It takes a lot for me to give myself to someone. And he understood that.
Or at least I thought he did…
Because we were sitting outside for a long time, it got really really hot. Not to mention mosquitos were biting us. But I still didn’t want to invite him into my house.
My parents were asleep, and it just felt wrong to do so. I don’t bring anyone into my house without my parents knowing first. Plus, it was really late at night.
He suggested to “chill” in his car, at least that way there would be air-con. I knew this was a red flag, but again, he didn’t seem like he was up to no good.
Either ways, I told him just in case, “Okay but don’t try anything funny ahhhh.” I said it casually but just enough to hint that I am not interested if he thought otherwise.
But the moment I got into the car, he locked the door, grabbed my face and kissed me.
I didn’t know how to react and it took me a few seconds for me to realize what was happening. I pulled away and told him:
“Brad (not his real name), I can’t. I told you I’m not that kind of girl.”
He told me, “Shh, just for a little while.”
He then proceeded to open his pants, took out his penis, took my hand and made me grab it.
I pulled away and said, “No!”
He let me go, but grabbed my face again and continued to kiss me.
My body froze, and so did my mind. I couldn’t think or breathe. And that’s when I realized I was having a panic attack.
But the moment I felt his hands unbuttoning my pants, I pushed him away and decided to remain calm. I was afraid that if I reacted aggressively, he might get violent, who knows? At this point, he wasn’t the guy I thought I knew all along.
I pushed him away, forced a smile and said, “Brad, don’t worry, we will meet again. We don’t have to rush into anything.” (Yes, I was being flirty at that point to make him think I was interested so that he would let me go.)
Thank God he said, “Fine.” And he let me walk out of the car. I pretended as if everything was fine. But the moment I got into the house, I cried.
I texted him immediately and told him off for forcing himself on me and for putting me in that situation when literally moments before that, I was just telling him how I am not that kind of girl. I was 21 at the time and had not been “intimate” with a guy before.
He apologized over and over again. I told a few of my friends about this incident, because I didn’t know what to do. My girl friends were equally as traumatized and angry. But my guy friends blamed it on me.
In the end, I chose to let it go, since almost everyone blamed it on me for trusting him too easily.
Since many said it was my fault for being too naive, I tend to make sure I prevent it from happening. I don’t trust any of my male friends anymore, as in I don’t ever feel safe being in a room with the opposite sex. I trusted a friend, and he ended up being the enemy.
For more stories like this, read: My Boss Touched Me Inappropriately And Tried To Kiss Me Even After I Said No and Men, No Always Means No. Here’s My Experience of Being a Woman in Malaysia
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