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This woman shares the realistic financial lessons she learnt after becoming the sole breadwinner for her family at the age of 23.
“I can’t wait to be an adult, earn my own money and do whatever I want with it!”
That was one of many conversations that 17-year-old me had with my friends back in high school.
It never occurred to teen-me how challenging adulthood could be, but now at 26, I finally understand all the responsibilities shouldered by adults.
At 23, I had become the sole breadwinner of my family.
My dad had retired 7 years ago and my mum was a housewife, so by the time I graduated, we were very financially constrained.
I had just completed my internship with a company, and I had a job offer in hand. After celebrating with me, my family had a deep discussion about our financial predicament.
When the finances were laid out, I was in shock. I had always believed that we were doing alright. It was only then that I realised the amount of financial pressure my parents were enduring.
“It may be a lot for us to ask you, but would it be alright if you take up some responsibility in part of our household expenditures, like groceries and our WiFi bill?” My dad said quietly.
For the first time, I noticed the frown lines on his forehead and the worry in his eyes. To be honest, I was concerned about being able to sustain myself after settling my education loans.
But I realized that my family needed me more than ever. So I said: “Yes, dad. You can count on me.” And so, from that night onwards, I took up the responsibility and I couldn’t help but feel proud of myself. I felt like a real adult!
I worked hard at my job, ate at home, and rarely hung out with friends, except for family gatherings. I didn’t have any proper savings of my own in case of a rainy day. Whatever cash I had in hand, I would use it to the last drop.
When my car broke down, I broke down too
Then, in early January 2018, I experienced one of the most horrendous struggles of my young adult life.
My car broke down, and the repairs amounted to RM2,200. I broke down and cried.
All I could think of was, “How am I going to pay for the repairs? How was I going to provide for my family?”
I met a dead end that day. I didn’t know where to turn for help.
Out of the blue, my brother and a friend came forward and lent me some money. Heaven was giving me a second chance!
I was overcome with gratitude. I promised to repay them the money I owed on a monthly basis, which added to my monthly expenses.
With the added burden, I started to struggle to sustain my family and myself.
Aside from the loans, our grocery expenses alone did not exceed RM500 per month, but due to the economic fluctuations, it had increased by triple the amount!
So I began looking for a new job. However, it was hard to get a better offer without much experience under my belt.
It got to the point that I had only RM23 in my bank balance.
Just a couple of days before my salary was out, I had spent way beyond my allowed budget and had a balance of only RM23 in my purse.
I thought, “I should be alright. It’s just another two days till I get my salary anyway.”
A day before payday, there was a knock on my door – my mom. She was a little short in cash to purchase groceries for the day, and asked if I had extra. I pursed my lips, because I didn’t see that coming at all.
I looked at my last RM20 and gave it to her without saying a word. Before she took it, she asked, “Do you have enough for yourself?” I smiled and nodded my head.
I didn’t want her to worry and for me, it was more important to put food on the table for all of us.
As I reflected back on all my past actions, I came to realize that it was my own fault
After that day, I went into depression as I wasn’t able to cope with it any longer. I felt like a failure that could not provide for my family, with no savings whatsoever.
Not only that, I was consumed with self-loathing and self-pity. I couldn’t help but feel envious seeing that other people around me were living a better life than me.
If I had paid close attention to managing my finances, I wouldn’t be in such a situation in the first place.
In my early 20s, there were many things that I wanted for myself. Impulsiveness got the best of me, and I had bought various unnecessary things like a new dress, pair of new shoes, bags, and jewelry.
Each time I did this, I would be short on cash and regret my ways, and yet I would repeat the same cycle again and again.
One day, I poured out all my hardships to a friend of mine who comforted me and told me that he would help.
He gave me a piece of paper and a pen, and said:
“List down all the commitments you have now.”
From the list, he circled the costs that were unnecessary and advised me to reduce them.
He advised me to continue repayment of my loans as per usual, put aside a minimal amount of savings and stick to the monthly expenses that I’d fixed for myself.
For example, if I allocate RM500 for meals and travel, then I should follow it strictly. He told me to give it 3 months. Following his guidance, I had enough to sustain till month-end.
After I started managing my finances well, I experienced some pros and cons to my quality of life.
My circle of friends grew smaller as I didn’t hang out with them as often as I did. I don’t get many invites out too as I would decline them.
How it all worked out…
After a year, luck was on my side in the job hunt, and I was offered a job as an executive, with a significant pay bump.
It not only paid well, but assured me that I will be able to provide more for my family. Following my financial plan, I was able to provide more for my family, and it filled me with relief.
Today, I am 26 years old. As I look back, this whole ordeal has trained me to be a responsible person.
As cliche as it sounds, it has also taught me a great deal about the value of giving to others.
Here are 5 of the biggest lessons I learnt from this:
- Settle bills and loans on time. If you let them relapse, your interest will accumulate, which results in you paying more in the long run.
- Differentiate wants and needs. Avoid impulse buying and think before purchasing anything.
- Always have savings. Put aside a certain amount of money for your savings in case of an emergency and for long term benefits.
- Spoil yourself once in a while. You owe that to yourself. Treat yourself to something nice and be happy.
- Share what you have with people in need. The more you give, the more blessings you shall receive.
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Read also: How I Got Laid Off Twice & How It Influenced My Personal Finance.
How I Got Laid Off Twice & How It Influenced My Personal Finances
This story was first published on In Real Life on Feb 22, 2024.
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